At 28 I became gay. The issue is that I have not one partner, but a company of young guys from 18 to 22 years old. In the role of a liability, I am alone, and they are young. I like everything, even very much, but sometimes sex happens very often and the guys are sometimes under the closet, which lengthens the time of sex and there are up to five partners per night. I feel no discomfort despite the fact that two of them have far from small penises. This has been going on for 2 years now and I really want it to last forever. For me it is not harmful in particular to the anus.

I became passive gay at 28

Hello Dima.

It's not bad for me

At what plan? If you are writing

I really want this to last forever

then it’s unlikely that you want this relationship to end, if you want to continue it, everything suits you, it’s unlikely that someone’s words about benefit or harm will make you give up what gives you pleasure, satisfies some of your needs. I suppose that in this way you get a feeling of your need, importance. You may also have some other feelings. Which?

in particular for the anus.

As for the anus, human nature is not meant for sex (although many people have anal sex and are unlikely to stop). The mucous membrane of the anal canal and rectum is quite thin and easily damaged. As a result, cracks can form, which can become inflamed, become chronic. With frequent mechanical impact on the anal area, weakness of the anal sphincter may occur, which can lead to the inability to control one's bowel movements, to prolapse of the rectum. A proctologist will tell you more precisely and in detail about this if you contact him for an appointment.

Sincerely, Olga Poznyak.

I became passive gay at 28

Good afternoon, Dima

For me it is not harmful in particular for the anus

From a medical point of view, this is not useful, for sure. The intestinal microflora is disturbed, microcracks appear from mechanical influences, which can develop into more serious diseases, in particular hemorrhoids. Because you have multiple sexual partners, your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, increases
But since you like the process and you clearly do not intend to give it up, take care of your health using condoms and special lubricants in sex, as well as regularly (at least once every six months) visiting a proctologist in order to detect health problems in a timely manner if they appear
Sincerely, Zavgorodnyaya Yulia

Let's start with the terminology.

Among gays, there are not only assets (people who use an erect penis during intercourse) and liabilities (people who take a penis, recipients), but also generalists (people who, according to circumstances, play both one and the other role).

Often the choice of role depends on the specific partner and specific circumstances.

From my experience, I can say that people often act as assets:

Those who consider themselves straight (“my wife didn’t let me, I’ll go out of spite and sleep with a man” - these people do not recognize themselves as gay or bisexual).

Often assets are people who artificially limit themselves in universal contact (“I am afraid to take a member into myself, I am afraid that it will be painful or dirty, I will pretend that this is not interesting to me”).

In turn, liabilities can be:

People who want to feel weak with a partner;

People who are confident that they have sexual shortcomings (uncertain erection, too fast ejaculation, small or excessively large penis);

All the same bisexuals who consider themselves straight, but want to feel what a woman feels, and practice homosexual relationships as an extension of their experience.

For the most part, gays and lesbians are universal partners. Not always and not with everyone (it all depends on how pleasant the partner is, what fantasies and associations he evokes, in the end, what he wants and what you want at this moment).

And yet, how do they decide who will be an asset and who will be a liability?

If we are talking about partners who have established themselves in their interests, the issue is discussed during an acquaintance or right before sexual intercourse: "I clearly know what I like and what I want - I tell you about it in advance." The discussion is the same as if two adults were not on a date, but at the signing of a cooperation agreement, and agreed not about sexual preferences, but about rights and obligations.

If there is interest in such contacts, but there is no experience yet, they agree to try something, and postpone something for later. Do not insist or force.

After all, who will forbid during a love game to suddenly take and do something else that both wanted? Change position, role, duration.

In the end, human sex differs from animal sex in that in it we continue the race only a few times in our lives, and the rest of the time we enjoy: different, new, unusual, again and again expanding the boundaries of what is permitted, liberating ourselves and our partner.

In this sense (and this is no longer the question) I tend to perceive any sex between any two or more people as part of the evolutionary process. And two sexual partners are bisexual - after all, what is most important in sex, if not a variety of experiences?

Restriction of sexual relations on the basis of gender, age, nationality is a product of religions and state norms. Over time, restrictions are transformed, strengthened or canceled. Just like laws or exchange rates.

For example, in ancient Rome or in the ancient East, homosexual relationships were considered more valuable than heterosexual ones, and today in some African tribes, boys' sexual life begins at the age of 10 with contacts with their father (the so-called initiation and "transfer of male power"). In the Middle Ages, people got married at the age of 12 and often died before they even reached thirty, and today in the Caucasian regions civil unions arise at the age of 14-15. These vowel and unspoken norms are not clear to us, but are enshrined by those who live in these norms. So different morality gives rise to different restrictions on sexual relations between people.

Understanding this, we can, but should not succumb to state, religious and other artificial restrictions, guided only by the norms of personal values ​​and having secured the unconditional understanding and consent of our potential sexual partners.

Let me remind you that procreation in the total volume of sexual relations is an episodic thing. When humanity finds the strength to admit that sex is more (ok, not only) a way of reproduction, but another way of successful interpersonal communication: bodily, mutually pleasant and diverse, it will admit that it has found another way to successfully find a common language.

How Sense Concentration Exercises Stimulate Desire

Remember what we said about the importance of relaxation for sexual desire and arousal? The basic sensory-focus exercises you are about to learn will activate the relaxation response. Try them and see how slow, gentle contact can restore a deep sense of stability. But the benefits are not limited to just that.

When starting these exercises, which are new to you, remember that they can alleviate sexual boredom. Therefore, you must specifically allocate time for their implementation. You will learn that sexual activity will play an important role in your life. Exercise will also gradually increase your sexual excitability. Although sexual arousal and desire are not the same thing, they reinforce each other. Increased excitability leads to increased desire, which in turn leads to even more excitability, and so on.

To do these exercises properly, don't forget the principles of sensual focus that I discussed in Chapter 1. First, remember that when you focus on sensuality, you're focusing on feeling exactly where your skin touches your partner's skin. Secondly, try to keep your attention focused only on what is happening here and now. If you allow yourself to think about homework that you have planned for later in the day, or about a project that needs to be completed at work, your sexual desire will have no chance to awaken. But if you concentrate, there will be a favorable reaction. When you are able to evaluate the feelings that arise from contact with a partner, your desire and pleasure will increase.

Finally, focusing on interaction without pretensions is a core concept that I explained in Chapter 1. If you are an active partner, pet for your own pleasure. Any specific reaction from your partner is not your goal and should not be expected. If you are a passive partner, allow yourself to surrender to your feelings and enjoy them without caring how you should react.

EXERCISE 10

caress of the face

The first sensory focusing exercise in this program is facial caress. It will really relax you. Like petting from behind, discussed below, this petting can be used to set the stage for a new, more sexual exercise.

Before the start of the exercise

To caress your face, you will need a certain type of skin lotion that is pleasant for you and your partner. Make sure that the flavor and other qualities satisfy both of you. You will too. need a quiet room where you will not be disturbed for one hour, that is, the time of the exercise.

The active one of you first sits with your back against the headboard or against the wall with a pillow on your knees. The passive partner is between the legs of the active partner, with his head on the pillow, face up. You can be dressed, naked or half-naked - as you like.

Active partner

Slowly caress your partner's face. Caress for your own pleasure using the sensory focusing techniques you read about in Chapter 1. Caress as slowly as possible. Pay attention to the temperature and shape of your partner's face. Use your fingertips, tap with one finger, or slowly circle with the back of your hand. Just remember that this is not a massage. If you were doing a massage, you would be trying to feel and manipulate the subcutaneous muscles. When caressing, you are trying to awaken sensuality.

Concentrate exactly on the point of contact. If your brain gets distracted, bring it back to the sensations in your hand. Caress for fifteen to twenty minutes, covering the forehead, cheeks, bridge of the nose, chin, neck and ears of your admirer. If you get bored or distracted, slow down the petting speed by about half.

Pay attention to the contours of the face and places where the density of the skin changes. How does your eyebrow or lips feel under your fingertips?

If you think your partner is starting to fall asleep, lightly tap them on the shoulder. If you feel any, even minimal, sexual arousal during this caress, breathe deeply and let the excitement take over your entire body. Don't fight the arousal, but don't try to force yourself to feel more than you feel.

Passive partner

As your partner caresses you, pay attention to the point of contact where your fingertips touch your skin. Does it bring warmth or does it cause the muscles to relax? Is this caress soothing? If your brain is distracted by something, consciously bring it back to your sensations at the place where you are being touched. While the sensations of caresses are pleasant, do not talk to your partner. Signal only if he is doing something that bothers you.

Remember that this is a no-force exercise. You should feel completely free lying on your back and enjoy the caress without giving any signals. Just enjoy the result of gentle touches. And remember to relax all your muscles. Stay passive and don't twist, sigh, moan, or do anything else so that your partner feels like he's doing a "good job."

Keep your PC muscle relaxed. If you feel that any of your muscles are tense, try to consciously relax it. If you feel sexual arousal during this caress, breathe deeply, which will allow the arousal to spread throughout the body.

After one of you has been active for fifteen to twenty minutes, switch roles for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. After the caress is over, both lie down and breathe in your stomach for a couple of minutes.

Do you enjoy stroking your face? The caresses of the face take you back to the most basic sensations of touch, which are purely bodily. As long as you are able to return to this state of enjoying your body, eroticism cannot be completely lost.

EXERCISE 11

caress from behind

Weasel from behind introduces some new elements. Since you are performing it naked, it can ignite arousal. This caress covers the entire back - from the shoulders to where it loses its name. You touch the buttocks, but not the genitals. You can do it in bed or on another comfortable surface.

Before the beginning

Find some baby powder. Give this exercise about forty minutes. Each of you will play the role of an active partner for twenty minutes.

Active partner

Sprinkle a little baby powder on your partner's back.

Position yourself close to your partner's body, lying directly behind him. Now slowly caress all parts of your partner's body from behind, including shoulders, arms, back, buttocks, thighs and calves. Again - do not massage the muscles. Your touch should be light.

Use one hand to caress the upper half of the body. Then take a new position in which it is convenient for you to caress the body below. You can also sit comfortably and caress with both hands. Don't try to caress in the massage position by leaning over your partner's body. You need to stay comfortable.

If you caress your partner, pay attention to how you feel with your fingertips, with the back of your hand. Notice how different parts of the back of your partner's body react when you stroke them with your palm or fingertips. Make time for the dips and flat areas of your partner's body at the transition of the lower back to the buttocks, the buttocks to the legs. Notice the direction of hair growth on the legs and arms. You may find that you especially enjoy touching the back of your neck or stroking along your spine and upper thighs.

If your thoughts wander from what you are doing, bring them back to the place you are touching. If you start to get bored, close your eyes and slow down by half. Remember that you are making out for your own pleasure and don't worry about what your partner thinks or feels. If you feel any sexual arousal during this exercise, start breathing deeper. This will allow the excitement to spread throughout the body.

If your partner starts to fall asleep, give him a light tap on the shoulder. Don't let your partner get distracted.

If you feel that your partner is tense, pat him on the tense area.

At the end of the exercise, use your hair, chest, or entire body to pet your partner for a couple of minutes. Then, to finish, lie on top of or next to your partner and stay together for a minute. This will help you prolong the feeling of connection.

Passive partner

Lie comfortably on your stomach with your arms and legs slightly apart.

Relax and enjoy the caress. Focus on the point of contact. If your thoughts wander from petting to something else, practice bringing them back. Keep your thoughts here and now. If your partner does anything that bothers you, let him know. Don't say anything to your partner until they do something that hurts or bothers you.

If you feel sexual arousal during caress, start breathing deeply so that the arousal begins to spread. Don't try to fight your arousal or force yourself to be aroused.

Relax all your muscles. If any particular muscle is tense, have your partner tap it lightly. This will remind you to relax that muscle. Keep your PC muscle relaxed.

After you have completed the exercise once, switch roles. Then both lie down and breathe calmly for a few minutes.

The way I usually go about petting from behind is to get snug next to my partner and use my hand to reach as far as I can from behind. Then I change position so that I can reach his legs and feet. I usually use some kind of body powder when doing this caress. It increases the sensibility.

When talking about arousal, do not be deceived and do not touch your partner's genitals while doing this exercise. By including parts of the body that are not included in this exercise in the caress zone, you jump to a future exercise, instead of staying here and now. You interfere with your ability to focus on sensations, which is the main thing in this exercise. We want to make your skin sensitive to touch so that your sexual experience becomes sensually richer.

EXERCISE 12

Weasel in front

If you aspire to touch the genitals, you will get this opportunity when doing this exercise. However, for the reasons I mentioned earlier, please do not spend more time on the genitals than on the rest of the body. During this caress, you explore the front half of your lover's body, from shoulders to feet. Do this exercise in the nude.

Performing this caress and the next two, first caress from behind for five to ten minutes, prolonging the focusing caress. This will help you relax before the main exercise, so you can learn and remember the basic sensations before trying something new.

Before you start

Stock up on baby powder, mineral oil, and a hand towel. Give each other twenty minutes.

Active partner

Sprinkle some baby powder all over your partner's body from shoulder to toe.

Choose a comfortable position to increase body contact with your partner. Keep at least one hand on your partner's body at all times so as not to frighten him with a sudden touch. Caress for your own pleasure. Don't worry about what your partner might think or feel. Slowly caress each area, including the shoulders, chest, arms, abdomen, genitals, thighs, and calves. Concentrate exactly on the point of contact. If your thoughts are drifting somewhere, bring them back to how you feel here and now. Experiment with different ways of touching and see how it feels.

If you start to get bored, close your eyes and slow down.

After you reach your partner's feet, start caressing upward towards the genitals. When you reach your genitals, pour some baby oil on your hand and caress your genitals for a few minutes. Then wipe off the baby oil with a towel and continue caressing upward towards the shoulders.

In this exercise, as in any other exercise in the concentration of feelings, there is no right or wrong way to caress. Lightly caressing the skin, do it for your own pleasure. Caressing slowly, you are doing the right thing. If. your partner begins to tense up, lightly pat the relevant muscle to remind them to relax. If you get aroused during this petting, breathe deeply to allow the excitement to spread.

Caress for about twenty minutes. At the end of the petting, use your hair, chest, or the entire front of your body. Then lie down on top of your partner or leaning against him from behind and finish the exercise.

After being in this position for about a minute, switch roles.

Since this exercise involves the chest and genitals, this may be a concern for some people. You can help your partner relax by slowing down your touches, breathing deeply enough to establish a common rhythm for both of you, and making light, circular, caressing touches on your lover's belly. If your partner still can't relax, switch to petting the face or back of the body.

Passive partner

Lie comfortably on your back with your arms slightly outstretched and your legs apart. When caressing a partner, focus only on areas of contact. If your thoughts drift somewhere, bring them back to the point of contact. Keep all your muscles completely relaxed, including the PC muscle.

Tell your partner if he does something wrong, in all other cases, do not say anything. If you feel any sexual arousal during this caress, just enjoy it. Begin to breathe deeply to help the excitement spread throughout the body.

After you have switched roles and completed the exercise a second time, lie down together for a few minutes and breathe from your belly.

EXERCISE 13

Genital caress

For this exercise, you will need baby powder and lube. Finding ones that work for you can increase your sensuality, so it's worth experimenting. I suggest using either an oil based lubricant such as clarified vegetable oil, baby oil, mineral oil, or a water based jelly type lubricant.

It's a good idea to test the oil on your skin before you decide to use it, because it's possible to develop an allergy to an oil that has a mineral base.

Spend an hour on this. Before you begin, you should have a good knowledge of the important areas of the male and female genital organs. In the female genital organs, it is necessary to know the location of the pubic tubercle, clitoris, pudendal fold, external vaginal lips, internal vaginal lips, perineum and vaginal opening. All these structures are visible.

If you do not know something, please refer to the anatomical drawings in the appendix to this book. Later I will tell you where the Grafenberg "a spot (G spot) is located, which is invisible. Due to its position, some women cannot reach their G spot on their own.

From male anatomy, you should know the following areas: the penis, the glans penis, the frenulum, the body of the penis, and the scrotum. Again, if you're unsure about something, check the app for any of them.

Once you figure out how to find these areas in yourself, let your partner get to know your genitals. If you are a woman, sit with your legs apart and apply lubricant to the genital area. Show your partner your pubic tubercle, clitoris, clitoral hood, outer vaginal lips, inner vaginal lips and perineum. Use a mirror if that helps.

Your partner then applies lube to their finger and inserts it an inch or two into your vagina. Squeeze your PC muscle to show your partner its location. Have your partner insert their finger all the way into the vagina and feel the tightness of the walls.

To show your partner how to find the G-spot, take his hand, turn it palm up and insert his middle finger right into the vagina. When the finger is inserted as deep as possible, it should be slightly bent. The place he touches that gives you a pleasant feeling is the G-spot.

Your partner will feel this area as slightly rougher or tighter than the rest of the vagina. Have your partner slowly move their finger around the G-spot. He will feel it swell and begin to pulsate.

If you are a man, sit with your legs apart and lubricate your arm. Show your partner the head and body of the penis. If you are not circumcised, show her how to pull back your foreskin. Show off your testicles, perineum and frenulum - an extremely sensitive area on the underside at the base of the glans penis.

Now that you are both familiar with each other's anatomy, you are ready to begin caressing the genitals.

Before the beginning

Use caress from behind for five to ten minutes for each partner. Schedule the remaining forty minutes to switch roles in twenty minutes.

Active partner

Spends some time petting the front. Remember to caress as slowly as possible. Caress for your own pleasure. Concentrate on the sensations of your fingers or hand as they move across your partner's skin. If you are distracted, bring your attention back to the area you are touching. If you feel like you're staying in one place for too long, slow down your petting and pay attention to your skin temperature. If you feel that your partner is tense, lightly pat the tense muscle to signal the need to relax.

If your partner is a woman, use plenty of lube and move your fingers slowly over her vaginal lips, perineum, and clitoris. Then slowly insert your finger into the vagina. Stroke the PC muscle and vagina.

Insert your finger a little deeper and gently stroke the G-spot until it swells and pulsates. Notice how your finger feels this pulsing.

Perform the first part of this caress while sitting next to your partner. Then turn around and lie between your partner's legs so that you can see that you are caressing.

If your partner is male, apply lubricant to your hand and slowly caress his penis and scrotum. It doesn't matter if you get an erection or not. If he gets so aroused that ejaculation occurs, you can gently apply a warm towel to your and his now sticky areas and continue caressing.

Passive partner

Lie on your back with your legs slightly apart and eyes closed. Stay passive even if you get excited. You will find that it is possible, while remaining completely passive, to achieve orgasm.

Try to keep all your muscles, including the PC muscle, as relaxed as possible. Focus on your feelings. If your thoughts wander, bring them back to the point of contact. Give a signal to your lover only if he does something that bothers you.

If you feel yourself getting aroused, start breathing deeply. If you feel like you might have an orgasm, go ahead. Don't fight him, but don't try to summon him either. If you don't feel aroused, don't worry about it. Many people perceive this caress more as sensual than sexual.

Each partner must spend twenty minutes caressing the other. Then lie down next to you and breathe calmly for a couple of minutes.

If you like, you can take some time to talk about what you found enjoyable before you switch roles. Each partner may describe one or two feelings that were felt to be particularly pleasurable. The passive partner may also ask for a new kind of contact and, by taking the active partner's hand, indicate exactly what kind of contact is desired.

List of used literature:

1. Barbara Kissing "The Joys of Sex".

According to statistics, "about 54% of children in Russia grow up in incomplete families." Most often this means that without a father. And more than half of those who are now reading this text are women who do not have husbands, but have sons.

And they used to think how much easier it would be for them to raise a child if they had a husband. "The boy needs a father!" and so on.

In fact, the boy, first of all, needs an adequate mother, and the rest is just a bonus. And if a boy has such a mother and a trusting relationship with her, everything will be fine with the child.

This, of course, will not replace his wonderful father, but it is much better than the nominal father, who is hardly tolerated, so that he "if only he was." False message.

It's 2016 outside, and it's time to understand that the model of the family and the reality around, the roles of men and women in marriage and in life - all this has changed a lot.

And the father, of course, is desirable. But to grieve about his complete or partial absence, trying to portray the harsh male upbringing herself, is not worth it. The consequences can be very sad. You don't even know how much.

In general, fathers in Russia traditionally take little part in the formation of a child. We have a man's area of ​​responsibility - this is money, work and the role of a Cerberus and a chain dog in the family. So that the father and mother make the same contribution to the upbringing of offspring is still a rare exception. Sad but true.

Of course, it’s not great that a son doesn’t go to football with his father, doesn’t learn to make a fire, make friends like a man and drink beer, but mom’s punctures are fraught with much more serious consequences.

Which, in fact, I encounter, daily analyzing the problems of patients. After all, we are all, in one way or another, victims of our own mothers.

What does life usually look like "without a father"? The boy has a mother, a grandmother, and, if you are very lucky, an aunt, sometimes two.

And right, starting from the maternity hospital, there are only women around. We skip the kindergarten, there is not a single man except for the watchman. It’s the same at school, the fizruk and Trudovik are usually heavy drinkers and don’t count.

Immediately at school, the child receives (from women) the first experience of humiliation and suppression, and here, not to the honor of the parents, it will be said that they do not take the side of the children, but instead take a tough stand on the side of the pedagogical team.

A boy comes with his mother, for example, to an exhibition, where 80 percent of the visitors are women. He comes to the clinic, to the library, to the house of pioneers (who are now houses of creativity) - and he also sees only women and interacts only with them.

And so for 15 years.

And what is happening at his house at this time? It's different there. But in any case, the mother is the main person in his life, and she educates, builds, demands, subjugates, influences.

If this woman is not very strong-willed, maybe even weak, in relations with her son she puts pressure on pity and guilt.

Refrain: "How do you talk to your mother?"; "You will drive me into the coffin"; "I'm dragging you alone, torn between work and home, and you!" etc. This is followed by tears and snot about "what kind of orphans we are."

When childhood ends and adolescence begins, the lamentations "what a good boy you were when you were little" are also added. And now, it turned out to be bad.

At the same time, many women suffer from hysterical neurosis and make scandals every night (or more often) because of an unwashed cup, socks thrown under the bed and, of course, lessons.

The boy becomes an anxious neurotic. Of the physiological consequences - tics, stuttering, eczema, neurodermatitis. And he grows up like this - infantile, stuffed, patronized, dependent.

Women, remember, overprotection is not a story about love, but about anxiety and nothing more.

But even worse, when the mother, having a naturally domineering character, is determined to raise a "real man." There's no snot here.

She believes that since she does not have a husband, and there is no one to say "go figure it out", she has to figure it out herself, and it's tough. She suppresses emotions in the boy, rules with a "firm hand", treats her son coldly, dryly, rudely, sometimes cruelly.

For a while, the child tries his best to achieve the love of his mother, to draw attention to himself - "look what I can!". He tries to get through to his mother, but she, as it were, is not up to him ("what kind of calf tenderness"?).

Coldness, misunderstanding, conflicts, constant dissatisfaction reign in the family, no one talks to each other, or they talk "through the lip". "How's the deuce? Another deuce? That's it, I don't love you anymore, freak."

So, just in case - all this is a sure way to raise not a boy, but a gay. And it has nothing to do with the upbringing of masculinity.

With age, the boy gives up frank attempts to win the approval of his mother, but subconsciously does everything to prove to her what a great fellow he really is.

Further: if the child did not have enough communication with his mother, an inferiority complex and communication problems are the weakest of the consequences. If a man did not break down in childhood, but the resentment remained, in combination with aggression, this can result in a tendency to violence.

A few more family circumstances, which, if present, in whole or in part, seriously increase the boy's chances of growing up an unfortunate neurotic.

For example, in the case of both the weak and the tough mother, the situation is often aggravated by the cold war between mother and grandmother. Mom here acts as a bad investigator, grandmother - as a good one.

- Why are you scolding a child because of a deuce?

- Don't bother, I'll figure it out myself, this is my son! (and my cross)

And the psyche of the child is split.

In general, when I hear parents worrying about their children’s education, trying to get them into a university at any cost, “give a good education”, I understand that in this way they want to ensure a peaceful old age for themselves so that children can be guaranteed to feed them.

There is nothing unnatural in this, but just do not say that you care about the future of the child, while taking care of your own.

Another variant of the model of an incomplete family, when expectations from a small son, as from an adult man, who, as it were, takes the place of a father who "left his family": "And who else can I rely on?", "Who else will help me?" etc. Plus redundant (“I have only one, I gave all of myself to you, you really try ...”) hopes that are simply impossible to justify.

Or constant clarification of relations through a child with an ex-husband, merging insults: "Don't you love me? Well, you don't love me either." The situation can be aggravated by an attempt to take revenge on a man through a ban on seeing his son.

Some mothers arrange their personal lives so intensively that they don’t have time or energy for their son. Someone even fuses the child to grandmothers.

Having matured, they try not to communicate with such mothers at all. You ask about your mother and you hear: “Yes, I don’t support relationships. I only heard in childhood: “leave me alone, leave me alone.” Well, I fell behind.

All these are examples of maternal mistakes, examples of the very inadequate, which turns into consequences much more serious than the absence of a "man in the house" and even a father in life.

Because of such distortions and the difficult situation in the house, the boy often begins to reach out to the older guys. That's who the reference group is now: the people whose opinion matters the most! And this is one of the reasons why in our country the average age of the first puff, the first glass of vodka, the first acquaintance with drugs is 12.5 years.

All this I mean that men are raised in other ways.

And the main advice to women: if you feel that you have an unhealthy relationship with your son, do not figure out how to behave with him, but figure out what to do with yourself in order to be an adequate mother.

The main secret of education is that there are no secrets. And there are no books on psychology that will answer the question of how to raise a happy child. But it's enough to be happy on your own.

The mental health of the mother, the joyful life of the mother herself, the absence of aggression, resentment, fears - this is the guarantee of the child's health.

Practical tips for raising a physically, emotionally and mentally stable guy:

• Love yourself and you will be able to accept your child as anyone, and not sculpt your crooked likeness out of him;

• Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Accept the fact that you are not married. Consider this an advantage. You will feel like a healthy full-fledged woman. This will automatically neutralize the suffering that your son grows up without a father;

• Unsuccessfully married? The father of the child does not want to help? And you talk about it to your son? The son will hate his father and associate himself with him. Do not do that. Treat your life situation as a wise woman: "It was my choice, the responsibility lies with me. I am sad that father and son do not communicate, but I do not blame myself or the man for this";

• Let your son be himself;

• Consider his desires, do not humiliate;

• From the age of 6, he should have small, but his own pocket money;

• Don't check the lessons;

• No matter how hard it is, do not send the child to the grandmother for a long time. It certainly won't be "better" for him there;

• If you feel like a bad mother, you urgently get rid of guilt - the child feels everything;

• Do not show out loud disrespect for men in general, and for him, as a future man in particular.