Since ancient times, a man has been a breadwinner, a conqueror. Wooing a woman is a natural instinct. By nature, a man is loving. Ever since younger age, they begin to express themselves, show signs of attention to girls, give gifts, and look for an approach to the person they like. Despite such similarities, everyone chooses their own path for this. Alone at sight beautiful lady they approach her and offer to meet her directly, others invite her to drink coffee or tea, others invite her to go somewhere. Problems begin if they receive a refusal in response. Some men perceive this as a blow to their pride. After a refusal, some people stop taking the initiative and getting to know girls altogether, some perceive a soft refusal as a game and don’t attach any importance to it, others react inappropriately, can be rude to the woman or begin to humiliate her.

In any case, a man’s reaction directly depends on the behavior of women.

Reasons for rudeness

IN modern society people are used to taking care only of themselves. Few people care about other people's feelings. When faced with a woman with high self-esteem, the guy begins to literally beg for affection. Time passes, the courtship begins to get boring, his nerves are on edge, and he has an outburst of emotions. This is where the reproaches, insults and rudeness begin.

The wealth of the partner can also be the reason for this behavior. Not every man can tolerate a companion richer than himself. Trying to please, he does not find the funds, is not able to fulfill all requests and is refused. The reaction is anger and rudeness.

It’s not surprising, because the man wasted time and money to no avail.

The inability to gain favor with oneself is another reason for rudeness, which appears with the understanding that the lady preferred another man.

Sometimes it happens that the acquaintance was successful, signs of attention, flirting, the invitation was accepted, but the girl simply does not come to the meeting and does not pick up the phone. The man is indignant because he was deceived. Yes, unfortunately, there are women who simply stroke their pride in this way. The rudeness of men in response to such an act can be forgiven.

The next reason for a man’s abusive behavior is emotional problems. Some men simply take revenge on all the girls in a row for past failures. And each next one only makes the situation worse.

In any case, whatever the motives for refusal, you should not react and respond with rudeness. You can reconsider your behavior and change it. More experience, more chances of success. Perhaps another refusal is a good impetus for moving to the next level.

As you like it man? How to make a guy fall in love with you? How to win his heart once and for all? Every girl has been puzzled by these questions at least once in her life. There are so many cute guys around, but how can you make him pay attention to you and make his declaration of love sound specifically for you?

Soviets in conquering men's hearts great multitude. And any purposeful girl, of course, will study this entire arsenal. And even more so, a girl in love will do it! Have you tried it? Have you used it? If yes, then now you know that some techniques really work. But more often than not, the strategy of conquering a man fails, and we do not get the desired result. Why is this happening?

The first reason for problems with winning a man. Self-deception

Often girls They behave like children: “This is exactly what I want, he is my ideal!” And then everything follows the script of the book you read... “You can’t argue with a man,” and you silently smile, although in life you are an unsurpassed and witty debater. “You should have common interests with a man,” and you actively begin to storm books about cars and football, desperately trying to forget your passion for hockey and cycling. And so on, down the list. Aren't you trying too hard?

“We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide,” sang the heroine of Svetlana Kryuchkova in the film “Big Change.” Eternal questions: who is suitable for whom and who is not, why for some everything “grows together” at once, while others, having barely met, shy away from each other as if scalded.

Let's not touch on the beautiful and romantic teenage yearnings, let's talk about the relationship between adult men and women, whom nothing brings together more than sex. And the same sex can become a stumbling block - if he wants it, but she doesn’t. But it happens the other way around - she wants it, but for some reason he refuses...

Law of nature: the decision to initiate sexual intercourse is made by the female. After all, it is she who bears the main burden of responsibility for bearing offspring, which must be born healthy and grow to their maximum potential. favorable conditions. Therefore, women, obeying instinct, make a whole list of demands on men. If at least something confuses them and does not suit them, they light a red light in front of the rejected applicant. For the same reason, it is women who, as a rule, are the first to break off relationships. No matter how much men rebel against this situation, they are unable to change the course of evolution. However, nature has awarded men with an important quality - most of them are forgiving, easy-going and know how to quickly switch attention from one object to another.

And here when a man refuses a woman, it’s a tragedy! Of course, in the opinion of the rejected women themselves. It is generally accepted that if a woman, having overcome all internal doubts and self-restraints, takes the initiative and invites a man to enter into a close relationship, then he does not dare refuse her. She ignores the fact that the average man encounters female refusals a thousand times more often than a woman with male ones and continues to be surprised and indignant. Some women are completely sure that a man is a sexual robot; just unbutton the top button on his blouse and beckon with his finger - and that’s it.

Not only does the rejected woman consider herself wounded and insulted, she immediately begins to engage in soul-searching - trying to find out what is wrong with her and why she was “sent.” Consequently - depression intensifies, self-esteem falls below the baseboard, fear of loneliness appears, and at the same time the woman becomes even more isolated and languishes from melancholy and hopelessness.

So why do men refuse women? Some quick-tongued woman will not fail to pass judgment on her rejected admirer: poor, frail, stupid, short, ugly, fat, smelly, boring, greedy, childish, etc. However, the most common reason for refusal is “You’re not nice to me, that’s all.”

The man is trying to be a gentleman- he hesitates, mumbles something incomprehensible, apologizes a hundred times, makes excuses, or simply runs away under some far-fetched pretext. When refusing a woman, a man experiences terrible embarrassment - he shouldn’t offend girls, and in the eyes of society he has to look like a powerful male. Therefore, he avoids a direct answer in every possible way.

And men can have a dime a dozen reasons for refusal.

A man is faithful to his wife or girlfriend

Let's reveal a secret: a man is not as inclined to polygamy as the old ladies in the village gossip about. If he is comfortable with one woman, then he will not look for illusory happiness on the side. If only because these are unnecessary risks and troubles, and a man is not inclined to needlessly tear himself away from the sofa. In addition, some even consider cheating a moral crime and tell themselves to restrain themselves. Or - this happens! - a man loves his soul mate so much that other women simply do not exist for him.

A man doesn't want to get attached to a woman

One of the main stereotypes regarding gender relations: men need sex, women need marriage. An active woman is always alarming. So you have sex with her just once, and she won’t leave you alone, she’ll tag along, beg, beg, blackmail, demand to legitimize the relationship. To be honest, some women have it written on their foreheads that they are ready to do anything just to drag the guy they like into the registry office.

A man is afraid that a woman will rob him or even kill him

Another stereotype: a decent woman should not let a man know that she is interested in him. Therefore, if a woman whom a man has just met, herself invites him to go to bed as soon as possible, he may become seriously tense. Suddenly it smells like crime- they talk about this every day on TV.

The man is tired

You inflame him for sex, and he dreams of a hearty dinner and a sound sleep. Well, the man doesn’t want to, he’s been working all day. Or maybe he was visiting another woman before...

The man is not in the mood

If a man is bothered by something, if he is busy solving some important problem or has serious troubles, then he does not think about sex. The fact that a man seeks in sex, as in vodka, consolation for all his sorrows, is a great exaggeration. Someone, for example, hits a punching bag or plays solitaire.

A man is embarrassed by his unpresentability

You met in a city park in the middle of winter, got to talking and realized that you were ripe for great love, which would be nice to cement with good sex. And the walker has an unwashed head under his hat, a patched shirt under his coat, and boots with holes in his socks. If you have planned an intimate evening on his territory, then an unprepared man may be embarrassed to bring you to his home, because His bachelor apartment is in complete disarray. Remember how you yourself worry about a pimple or torn tights - so a man is sometimes ready to abstain from carnal pleasures for the sake of maintaining a positive image. This means that he is not indifferent to you, by the next date he will appear before you in all his glory - let’s hope you don’t change your mind.

The man is impotent

Everything is simple here - he doesn’t mind, but he just can’t. Of course, he will never admit this to you. Well, let him get treatment, we wish him good luck.

The man does not want to communicate with you or any other woman

Maybe you happen to have your eye on a hopeless gay man, something he is discreetly keeping silent about. Or maybe an overly sensitive and emotional man turned out to be a “wounded man” - he himself has more than once become a victim of rejection, or his past passion broke his heart to pieces, and now he looks at all other women with caution, or even hatred. Or is he unsure of himself in life - and why do you need such a wimp then? And also, albeit extremely rarely, there are asexual men, in front of whom you can even dance a naked lambada - they will just shrug their shoulders. Finally, there are convinced loners, ascetics, religious fanatics or simply crazy people.

A man is not turned on by a specific woman

The woman seems to be pretty, charming, playful, pleasant in all respects - but, as they say in Odessa, the chemistry didn't work. Maybe the same perfume was used by a certain young lady who once drank a lot at young man blood, and now he associates this smell with severe moral trauma. Or her voice is surprisingly similar to the voice of an evil school teacher, who in the old days mercilessly gave him bad marks and called his parents to school every week. Or a man is prejudiced against, say, dark-skinned and brown-eyed girls. And he can’t stand red-haired or freckled people at all. You never know who has any tastes and preferences, complexes and phobias, quirks and quirks- some ladies choose their partners solely based on their zodiac signs, and among women this is considered quite normal. Let’s also not forget: with age, a woman willy-nilly lowers the bar, and a man, having gained experience, becomes more picky and picky.

When a man refuses you, do not despair - one tram goes to the depot, another will definitely come. If circumstances develop in such a way that the man who rejected you remains nearby (he is your neighbor or work colleague), do not under any circumstances portray yourself as a victim. He certainly won’t feel sorry for you, and you’ll make so much money for yourself unnecessary problems, which can’t be cleared up later.

Well, if you enjoy blaming yourself for everything, then you can really engage in self-improvement - but wisely, without mocking your psyche and body and without thinking about how to please that man or men in general. Having transformed, become prettier, and having liked yourself first of all, you will become attractive to others.

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We are used to thinking that men are less sensitive and that sex is just a release for them, which is why they experience rejection more easily than women. How the stronger sex actually reacts to rejection and how it affects relationships, says a family therapist Sarah Hunter Murray.

In other words, men did not perceive the refusal as the partner’s reluctance to make love right now. For them this meant: “my woman doesn’t want me anymore.” All respondents said that the regular refusals of their beloved women affected their confidence in relationships and self-esteem.

Many mentioned that feelings of rejection affected their libido and they began to avoid physical relationships. "I usually a positive person, but when it comes to sex and you are constantly rejected, it is impossible to take it lightly. It’s easier to push this topic and not think about it at all,” admits Boris, 51 years old.

The men described their emotions in different words, but they always expressed one thing - it hurts to feel rejected. And in order to protect themselves, many begin to avoid sex themselves, outwardly not showing the same interest in this side of life. This is confirmed by a study by psychologist Emmy Mays from the University of Toronto (Canada).

Its first two parts are devoted to how accurately partners read signs inviting sex and intimacy. Mays soon discovered an interesting pattern - there is something uniting men who ignored the non-verbal messages of their partners. She conducted an additional study that included couples in long-term relationships. Over the course of three weeks, all participants were asked to keep a diary of sexual activity and rate the statement “I am afraid that my partner will reject me” on a seven-point scale ranging from “It is not very important to me” to “It is vitally important to me.”

It turned out that on days when men were especially worried about being rejected, they were worse at identifying signals of sexual interest sent to them by their girlfriends. In other words, when they felt insecure for various reasons, they simultaneously stopped “hearing” their partner, thereby foregoing possible intimacy.

It is only natural that we may not want intimacy whenever our partner is in the mood. However, during my practice, I have seen how relationships in a couple change when a man begins to talk about his feelings.

A woman hears that her words hurt her loved one much more than she imagined, and, in turn, becomes more attentive. After all, instead of throwing an irritated “I’m tired and don’t want to,” you can hug your partner with the words “Let’s do this tomorrow” or “Let’s just hug today, I really want to feel you next to me.” You will be surprised how much your relationship will benefit if you just start talking about it more warmly and tactfully.

The number of men avoiding sex is increasing every year. Now it’s not ours that has a headache, it’s theirs. In secular circles, amazing stories about rich lovers whose courtship stubbornly does not end in bed are increasingly being discussed. What is this - a reaction to stress or new trend aiming?

Smart Socrates said that male libido can be described as the state of a person chained to a madman. If this is so, then it should be recognized that recently the state of the madman has stabilized and he is not at all drawn to violence. Surveys among men aged 18 to 58 years in the United States show a significant decline in their interest in sex. The Ipsos research center also notes the same among Canadians, and the international dating service Relate reports in its statistics that the number of their male clients who have refused sexual contacts has almost doubled.

And no, all these people do not experience any problems with potency. They just don't want to.

First hand

Shadows disappear at midnight

Lesya, 30 years old, journalist

Among the girls who have their own hairdresser, massage therapist, cosmetologist, trainer, consultant at the Central Department Store, but do not (temporarily!) have a boyfriend, there is a fresh and chilling legend about amazing guys who take a phone number, call back with pressure, and promise a lot...

But then they do “this.”

I heard the first horror story about “a black-black guy who made a scary date in the dark with black-black sex, and then suddenly got together” about a year ago from one of my friends. This girl knows how to dance tango, always wears heels, dyes her hair the shade of “ripe rye that glows red in the sun,” and has such breasts... In short, after her visits I walk around the apartment for another week, casually clutching to my chest either a towel or plate - I don’t want any comparisons.

So it was to her that I gave the phone number of one dentist - a rare handsome man. There were rumors that the doctor was putting too much pressure on his clients during the healing process (literally and figuratively), but I chalked it all up only to the peculiarities of his charm. He was sweet, quirky, divorced, and didn't hurt.

He found a common language with my friend after about two fillings. Light flirting turned into something special. If you've listened to drum and bass music, you'll understand what we're talking about. This flirtation consisted entirely of bass and drums. But there was one strange thing there - a kind of rudeness and hints that maybe the girl knows a lot about harmless flirting, but definitely not in adult matters. They are, scary to say, too tough for her.

And then she figured that the challenge needed to be accepted, and, it seemed, she would have to do without romantic dinner(Muscovites generally don’t like to have dinner after six in the evening). He began hinting at a date, and she invited the guy to play doctor at her house. And then something happened that doesn’t happen even in very bad films - he quickly said that he needed to go for a walk with his son. And his mother got sick. And when he walks everyone and cures them, he will call. Very soon, in two weeks. And he sank forever. She and I laughed about it. With the hope that life will put everything in its place.

Life began to put everything in its place at the speed of a mad housewife. One friend told me about a boyfriend who had been attacking her for a month. And when he finally lured him into an expensive restaurant, fed him, gave him something to drink, made him laugh and charmed, he simply put him in a taxi and disappeared into the ground. Then they told us about an old friend who suddenly began to look after her, and, taking advantage of corporate party Given the girl’s helpless, wicked state, he gave her a half-hour kissing session, after which her friend’s eyes opened. Wide. And she invited him to visit. And he said that the other day. In short, they are great friends again. And no dirt!

The scenario is roughly the same: an unambiguous flirtation between two free people, turning into a cynical dynamo.

Of course, similar crap happens here, too, but let’s admit: if a man reaches the standard of a “proper Moscow groom,” then he is more likely to be raped on a date.

By the way, it’s easy to identify the “right Moscow groom”. The right Americans look energetic and inquisitive, the French look interested and disposed, the British look full of surprises, and the Swede's appearance promises healthy offspring. In Moscow, a man must look as if his stomach hurts a little. The look is sour, self-focused, gastritis. This person knows his worth very well and is afraid of unnecessary attention.

And now this man stops looking at you with a look of heartburn, and looks at you with a normal, masculine look. He is ready to squash you against the wall, break the bed with you, he does not sulk, he laughs and looks into your eyes. Why then does it disappear without explanation? Any versions? I have several.

Maybe it was unfree person? I decided to forget that it is, so to speak, a “family SUV-SUV”, and imagine that it is a daring sports car. And I decided not to tell my new acquaintance about it - otherwise it wouldn’t be funny.

Maybe it was impotent man? They, too, want to lead someone by the nose every five years.

Maybe it was tired man? Who lives according to Montaigne: “Both desire and possession are equally painful to us. The chastity of mistresses is unbearable; but their excessive accessibility and compliance, to tell the truth, is even more intolerable. This is because annoyance and irritation arise from a high appreciation of what arouses our desire, for it sharpens and inflames love; however, having enough gives rise to coldness in us, and passion becomes sluggish, dull, tired, dormant.” However, Montaigne has so many vile epithets for this matter... That is, to put it simply, a man encourages himself by hunting, but, so to speak, he is of little interest in game. When a girl becomes available, he cools down. And in general, he is a vegetarian.

Maybe it's the man who afraid of responsibility? Oh yes, if an otherwise wonderful guy over thirty is lonely, he is most likely afraid of responsibility. Here he feels some sympathy for a great girl, now she is ready to give him... a chance, and then he thinks: “Damn! She's a great girl and it's time for her to get married. But it’s not time for me. Lights out."

Most likely, the game “date rape-reverse” is played by representatives of the above categories. And this game makes the girl think: “There’s something wrong with me, there’s a problem with me. He ran away when I was ready for anything.” This thought pushes you to make stupid mistakes.

As for my friend, I’ll be honest, there was date violence. Some ideal He once again brought the ideal Her to the boiling point with his flirting and once again said that he urgently needed to go. And then she, a beauty who looked like Charlize Theron in appearance and height, attacked him right in the kitchen. And he couldn’t resist, even though he tried to fight back. But after that he ran away forever, and she laughed after him, because the situation was stupid and the sex was terrible.

That's the secret. The sex was terrible because the man was just... never going to follow through. None of them were going to. Never. They could be aware of it or not, but their goal was simply to raise their temperature. This is also a small rape - flirting. When a beautiful and, essentially, stranger girl is ready to throw herself at you, and you just say “no” and take your winnings. This game is safe and makes you feel a little dizzy. Yes, this can be an independent value today, without any continuation. Just.

Don't believe me? Find the perfect Moscow groom and look into his eyes.

Strong woman crying by the window

Yulia, 34 years old, marketer

When this story began, I was 20 years old, I was studying and working part-time in a Moscow publishing house. At that time, I treated men like trams: if one left, you just had to wait a little and the next one would appear. And, I must say, my theory did not diverge from practice. However, there is an exception to every rule, and this exception was the incredibly handsome, educated and charming Seryozha, who brought his manuscript to the publishing house.

At first I liked the way he looked, then I begged for his story for the evening and realized that I also liked the way he thought and wrote. Seryozha also didn’t waste any time, he made inquiries about me, came to my boss under a phony pretext, called me for a smoke and invited me for a cup of coffee.

Two days later I was already with him visiting his friends, where we had our first extreme and violent sex in the bathroom. On washing machine, between conversations about Sartre and Fellini.

This has never happened to me before. I fell in love. Then there was a two-week romance with walks around Moscow, liters of martinis and passionate kisses in the chill-out rooms of different clubs. I moved from my parents to his rented apartment. First year of our life together passed as Honeymoon. He is 10 years older than me, more educated, and, of course, his life experience incomparable to mine. But his career as a writer didn’t work out, and he didn’t consider it possible to do anything else. There was barely enough money; from an apartment in the center, which a friend rented to him for three kopecks, we moved to the outskirts of the city - my friend was tired of doing charity work.

I wanted everything - travel, restaurants, good clothes. Seryozha had been wearing the same sweater for five years, which, as I began to guess, his previous wife bought with her salary. What was I supposed to do? I defended my diploma and with your head plunged into work. Six months later I started earning normal money, and two months later I became a boss for the first time. Relations with Seryozha developed in the opposite proportion: the more independent I became, the more jealousy I aroused.

Scandals became commonplace, and we completely forgot about sex.

More precisely, I didn’t forget. Regularly, when I went to bed, I made attempts to start the process, but... Seryozha said, as in jokes, that he had a headache, that he was very tired, or referred to a large amount of work. He kissed my forehead, turned to the wall or went into the kitchen. At first I was offended. Then I began to look for flaws in myself. Then I blew up the Internet, researching the word “impotence.” I began to act decisively, probably too much. I found the clinic’s phone number and handed it to him. Seryozha looked at me with the eyes of a hunted animal and refused to go anywhere. I remember the next two years as torture: I masturbated, lying next to him, cheated and came at five in the morning, crying into my pillow. This didn't change anything. We broke up, and now, looking back, I understand that there was no need to nag him for lack of money, dirtyly pester him and announce the diagnosis as a sentence. Now I want to become flexible, I want to learn to pretend that I am weak.

Very conscientious parents

Igor, 42 years old, owner of a chain of car dealerships

My wife believes that the reason for everything is that I was born in Rostov-on-Don. In the south of Russia, mothers do not teach boys about female physiology in particular, do not leave boxes of tampons in a visible place and do not walk around the house half naked, as in intelligent families of St. Petersburg. I lost my virginity early, and in my hometown pretty quickly ruined everything that moved. Especially without considering how and what things work for girls there.

Then I moved to St. Petersburg. Married at 30. Out of great love - no fools. Let’s be honest, it wasn’t my wife’s first time either, but we didn’t talk about the past because it was completely unimportant. When she became pregnant, she was blown away - some friends persuaded her to take conscious parenting courses. Together with me, because I am a father, and she and I, as they say, are “both pregnant.” I was dying of boredom during these lectures, dozed off and missed the moment when my wife was persuaded to give birth at home, in the bathtub, with the help of the leader of these very courses, a “spiritual midwife” who, as it later turned out, was entitled to a very material fee. When my wife started giving birth, she forced me to assist. She really wanted me to be present at the birth - she was told that this way I would be more attached to the child. What nonsense! This is my son, and in any case I would love him more than anyone in the world!

The thing is, after that birth, I can’t sleep with the mother of my child. I saw a pile of bloody rags. And now my body does not understand how it is possible to enter where the baby’s head came from.

I love my wife, we have a common bed, we kiss, but sex is last years We had it three or four times - we were both drunk at the time, and it didn’t give us much pleasure. I’m not cheating on her (although my erection has not gone away) - firstly, I’m lazy, and secondly, I’m afraid of catching an infection. As far as I understand, my wife is also happy with this situation. She and I once talked about this. I said that I was absolutely not ready to see all her “women's affairs.” And she objected that there was another reason - we were both simply tired of sex. How tired of the music you listened to as a teenager, all this floundering in bed seems like a naive activity to an adult. And very predictable - in one position or another, but it is, in essence, always the same.

The fisherman's head doesn't hurt

Many experts were quick to blame the women themselves for the current situation. In countries where feminism has triumphed, the role of affectionate girlfriends has changed so dramatically that it has led to a conflict with men's basic ideas about sexuality. Strong, independent and free women undermined the cult of the male so much that he lost faith in his abilities (