Prolonged anger, stress and harbored resentment damage our adrenal glands and immune system.
Can you remember last time when have you been really angry with someone? Were you so angry that you just shook at the thought of this person? Very rarely does feeling angry help us get what we want. Often it works against us, causing unnecessary pain. Even the most gentle natures can turn into a vengeful scoundrel at some point if they are pushed to do so.
Various situations in life make us feel sad, hurt, disappointed and angry. Words of hatred come from our lips, although we would never have thought that we were capable of such a thing. We cease to be ourselves, those calm and sincere people we are used to seeing ourselves as. And no, we don't like who we turn into.
Negative emotions destroy us, we need to fight and overcome them. The same method can be used to deal with all negative emotions. To make things easier to understand, we will use anger as the target emotion that needs to be overcome. Remember that this method can also help you cope with other unfavorable strong emotions such as jealousy, guilt, hatred, regret and fear.
Why do we feel disgusting?
Anger doesn't feel good. Frankly, it's a disgusting feeling. Everything inside us shrinks, we sweat, we react (instead of act) in survival mode. Anger clouds our judgment, causing us to react wildly, relying only on emotions. This happens to all of us. Sometimes the anger is so strong that we simply become afraid of the intense hatred directed at other people. And when we cool down, we first of all wonder how we could allow ourselves to fall into such a state.
Answer: very simple. Let me explain. An emotion is our body's response to a thought that may be caused by an external situation. But we look at this situation through the prism of our ideas. And our prism is colored by mental concepts unique to each of us, such as good and evil, mine and yours, like - don't like, right - wrong. Remember that we all have different lenses, and therefore conflicts when interpreting a situation are inevitable.
For example, if someone loses their wallet, our emotions are not that strong. But if it is our own money, we suddenly begin to feel pain and the desire to regain what we lost.
If we have something that we define for ourselves as “ours,” we will experience moral discomfort if we realize that we have lost something or are at risk of losing it. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be my wallet, my pride, my money, my house, my car, my job, my child, my stocks, my feelings or my dog. As long as we feel that it is lost to us or there is a threat of loss, we will experience pain in the form of anger or other strong negative emotion.
We experience pain because we have been taught since childhood to think that those things that we have labeled as “mine” are something that defines who we are.
We identify ourselves with a thing and mistakenly believe that if we have lost something, or can lose it, then we will lose ourselves. Suddenly our ego has nothing left to identify with. Who are we? This question causes great pain to our ego.
In our souls we feel that we have the right to more: more money, more respect, better job or a larger house. And we fail to understand that our mind will always want more. Greed is a mental state akin to drug addiction, which constantly grows, blinds us, alienates us from reality, and at the same time convinces us that we are acting wisely.
Common components of anger:
Injustice
“We believe that we were treated unfairly.” We tell ourselves that we deserve better, and we buy into the fantasy that someone has treated us unfairly.
Loss
– We feel that we have lost something with which we identified ourselves. Feelings, pride, money, car, work.
Guilt
– We blame other people or external situations, considering them the cause of our loss, we blame them for the fact that we became their victim. This guilt is often only in our minds and is a product of our imagination. We are simply unable to see what is happening from other people's point of view. We become deeply selfish.
Pain
– We experience pain, psychological stress and anxiety. Pain causes physical reactions in our body, which disrupt the natural flow of energy and threaten our state of well-being.
Focus
– We focus our attention on those things that we do not want in our lives, and thereby feed them with energy, because we complain about them with inspiration and repeat our complaints to all those who are ready to listen to us. This creates a kind of vicious circle of anger. “We get more of what we focus on.” And this is true, regardless of emotion.
The interesting thing is that if there are two irritated people who are unhappy with each other, then both feel a sense of loss and injustice. Both feel pain and the need to blame the other person. Who's right? Answer: Both are right and both are wrong.
Why should we work on ourselves and overcome anger?
Negative emotions like anger push our body into survival mode, as if telling our body, “We are in danger.” To prepare us for “fight or flight,” a special physiological change occurs in our body. These physiological reactions interrupt the natural flow of energy in our body, which affects our heart, immune system, digestion and hormone production. Therefore, negative emotion is a kind of toxin for the body that interferes with harmonious functioning and balance.
Prolonged anger, stress and harbored resentment damage our adrenal glands and immune system. In women, overload of the adrenal glands can affect the reproductive organs (uterus, ovaries), causing pathologies that theoretically can lead to infertility.
Isn't your physical and mental health worth more than all the psychological pressure you voluntarily submit to?
Is it even worth reacting by responding to our own negative emotions and hurt feelings just to temporarily satisfy our pride?
Anger also clouds our judgment and we become consumed by problems and pain. Instead of moving away from them, becoming free from self-inflicted pain, we make irrational, unwise, self-defeating decisions that will make us regret them. In the case of divorces, for example, legal fees alone can eat away savings, leaving both parties unhappy and poor. In this case, no one wins!
Theoretical basis of mood changes.
Do you notice how quickly you can fall into a negative mood? Perhaps a fraction of a second. On the same basis, we can assume that the same amount of time must be required to move into a productive state. However, the problem is that from an early age we were prepared to remain in an unproductive state. No one introduced us to methods on how to change our state to a positive one. Often even our parents didn’t know this, and they still don’t know.
When negative feelings arise, we have two options:
To follow the habitual pattern that we learned as children, to react and allow the negativity to consume us.
Break the pattern that has been built into us and, in doing so, create new roads that will create alternative opportunities for us.
There are actually three ways to break a behavioral pattern:
Visual – Change your thoughts.
Verbal – Change the way you express your thoughts.
Kinesthetic – Change your physical position.
Okay, now let's move on to practice...
How to overcome anger
Some of these methods may be more effective for some, less effective for others. For me, “Look up!” - most effective way(that's why it comes first on this list). I have also noticed good results when using several of these methods at once.
1. Look up!!!
Most quick way change negative feelings and overcome anger - instantly change our physical situation. The easiest way to do this is to change the position of your eyes. When we are in a negative state, we are more likely to look down. If we look sharply upward (relative to our visual plane), we interrupt the negative pattern of sinking into the quicksand of negative emotions.
Any sudden change in physical position will help with this:
- Stand up and stretch, while letting out an audible sigh.
- Change your facial expression, work with your facial expressions.
- Go to a window illuminated by the sun.
- Do 10 jumping jacks in place, changing the position of your arms and legs.
- Do a funny dance as a joke on yourself.
- Massage the back of your neck with one hand and sing the Happy Birthday song at the same time.
Try this the next time you feel in a negative mood or an unpleasant thought comes into your head.
2. What do you want?
Sit down and write down exactly what you want to get out of the current situation. Your task is to describe the end result that you would like to see. Be clear, realistic and honest. Be detailed in your description. Write down even the dates you would like to see results.
If you have a clear plan and you notice that you are having negative thoughts about what you don't want, you can simply focus on that list.
Also, when we consciously do this exercise, we can realize that those random material things that we thought we needed are not necessary.
3. Eliminate from your speech: no, no.
Words like “don’t”, “no”, “can’t” make us focus on what we don’t want. Language and speech have great power and can influence our subconscious, and accordingly, our feelings. If you notice that you are using a negative word, consider whether you can replace it with another word with positive value. For example: instead of saying “I don’t want war,” say “I want peace.”
4. Find the light
Darkness goes away only when light appears (for example, light from a lamp, or the sun). In the same way, negativity can be replaced with positivity. Remember that no matter what happens to us on an external level, or how bad things seem to us in our thoughts, we can always choose to speak and see things positively.
I know it's hard to do when you're going through a storm of emotions, but I firmly believe that we can learn something new from every situation we encounter.
Look for your lesson. Find an acquisition for yourself in the situation, no matter what it is: something material or mental understanding of something new, or personal growth. Find the light so you can rid yourself of the darkness in your mind.
5. Give in
Give in to our ego's eternal need to be right, to blame, to be angry and vindictive. Surrender in the face of the moment. Give in to the urge to worry about the situation. Become mindful. Monitor your thoughts and learn to separate your thoughts from your personality. Your thoughts are not you.
The game will reach its logical conclusion regardless of whether we succumb to emotions or not. Believe me, the cosmos will follow its course, and what needs to happen will happen. If we do not give in, we will simply stress ourselves out for no reason, and as a result our body will suffer.
6. Zone of influence
When we are in a bad mood, we can easily fall into a vicious cycle of negative emotions. We will not feel better if we are around people who also complain about the same problems. It won't help us feel better.
Instead, find a group of people with a positive outlook on life. If we have such people near us, they will remind us of what we already know deep down in our souls, and we can begin to realize goodness and positive aspects life. When we are in a bad mood, we can draw energy from them to rise above our problems and negativity.
Just as being around negative people can negatively affect you, being around happy and optimistic people can increase our awareness and help us get out of this unproductive state.
7. Gratitude exercise
Take a notepad and pen and find a quiet place. List (in as much detail as possible) everything you are grateful for in your life: things that happened in the past or present, or things that will happen in the future; these could be relationships, friendships, opportunities, or material acquisitions.
Fill out the entire page and use as many pages as you have things you are grateful for. Be sure to thank your heart and body.
It's a simple yet underrated way to help us focus on what really matters. This exercise can lift our mood. It also helps us gain clarity and remind ourselves that we have much to be grateful for.
No matter how bad things get, we always, absolutely always have something to be grateful for. For that matter, we have the gift of life, we are free to grow, to learn, to help others, to create, to experience, to love. I have also found that meditating quietly for 5-10 minutes before this exercise and visualizing everything on your list after the exercise makes the process more effective. Try it yourself!
9. Breathing techniques for relaxation
Most of us breathe shallowly, and air only enters the upper part of the lungs. Deep breathing exercises will help our brain and body receive more oxygen. Try this:
Sit upright in a chair, or stand up.
Make sure that the clothing does not press anywhere, especially in the stomach area.
Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth.
Place one hand on your stomach.
As you inhale, feel your arm rise as air fills your lungs all the way to your diaphragm.
As you exhale, feel your arm return to its original position.
Mentally count your inhalations and exhalations, gradually align them so that both inhalation and exhalation last the same number of counts.
Gradually add another count as you exhale.
Continue adding counts as you exhale until your exhalation is twice as long as your inhalation.
Repeat this breathing rhythm 5-10 times.
Keep your eyes closed and silent for a few minutes after finishing this exercise.
9. Laugh!
We cannot laugh and be upset at the same time. When we make the physical movement it takes to laugh or smile, we instantly begin to feel cheerful and carefree.
Try it now: smile your most wonderful smile. I need the most sincere and wide smile! How are you feeling? Were you able to feel an immediate surge of joy? Have you forgotten about your problems for a while?
Make a list of movies that make you laugh and keep them at home. Or date a friend who has a sense of humor and can really make you laugh.
10. Forgiveness
I say this to all my vengeful little rascals. I know the idea of forgiving your “enemy” seems counterintuitive. The longer you hold a grudge, the more painful emotions you will experience, the greater the strain on your body, and the more damage you will cause to your long-term health and well-being.
Failing to forgive someone is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the enemy to die. Only this will never happen.
11. Snap the elastic band
Wear an elastic band around your wrist at all times. Every time you notice a thought that may be drawing you into a sad, negative cycle, click your rubber band. It might hurt a little. But it does teach our minds to avoid such thoughts. Pain is a great motivator.
12. Identify and get rid of your triggers
Sit down and brainstorm a list of cue words and activities that trigger this negative emotion in us. Perhaps it is the word "divorce", or someone's name, or a visit to a certain restaurant.
Promise yourself that you will eliminate all mention of these “ trigger mechanisms"in your life. If we know something will upset us, why would we let it happen?
13. Determine for yourself what anger brings.
List all the things you acquired when you were angry. When you're done with the list, go through it and count the number of positive items that truly contribute to your well-being. Oh, and besides, “wanting to make another person suffer and experience pain” is not considered “promoting your well-being.”
This exercise helps us bring more awareness, rationality and clarity to a situation.
14. Strive for completion. Solve the problem
Don’t drag things out just to “win” or “prove you’re right.” This is not reasonable for any of the parties involved.
If we simply give in to external events and consciously make the choice not to pay any attention to them, this does not mean that we sit back comfortably and allow others to trample on us.
Take actions that will help you take the next step and bring the problem closer to resolution. Be proactive and thoughtful. The faster you solve the problem, the faster you can free yourself mentally.
Aggressiveness is inherent in us by nature and, every time we suppress it, we direct our power against ourselves. The accumulated energy of anger and anger destroys us from the inside, causing illness, fatigue and depression. Is it worth bringing it to this? How to get rid of accumulated grievances and negative emotions?
Give free rein to your feelings
Outbursts of anger and anger are a protective reaction of the body when our internal fuses are triggered. In this way, we get rid of the emotions and experiences that overwhelm us. But not everyone is capable of this because of their beliefs: some believe that openly expressing anger is bad, others believe that this is how they show their weakness.
But our strength lies in recognizing our weaknesses. Therefore, it is very important to allow yourself to be angry and experience anger. You don’t forbid yourself to laugh, do you? And joy is the same natural emotion as anger, only without your internal limitations. Get rid of beliefs that hold back the manifestation of your true nature, and free yourself from accumulated emotions without condemning yourself.
If you need to express your emotions on a physical level, do so (without harming yourself or others, of course). Take a pillow and start boxing, write a hate letter and burn it, lock yourself in the car and scream at the top of your lungs.
Don't take it to the limit
The best way to cope with anger is to tell the person who made you angry about it. Just say: “You know, I don’t like it when you do that or when you talk to me...” or “I’m upset with you because...”. Of course, it is not always justified to express everything to your face. You can address the offender through the mirror. Play out the situation that pissed you off, and, imagining in the mirror the one who offended you, express everything you think about him. After your anger subsides, try to sincerely understand and forgive him. Forgiveness will help you completely free yourself from anger and aggression.
Keep a diary
Have you noticed that similar situations often make us angry? Keep a diary and write down everything that caused your anger. Describe what made you angry and how it made you feel. The world around us works like a big mirror, reflecting what is happening inside us. It often happens that we ourselves provoke a certain behavior of people towards us.
Is there something coming from you that makes others want to annoy you? Think about whether the person who displeases you reflects what is in you. Perhaps he is doing something that you do not allow yourself to do. Assessing what is happening will help you find the reasons for your anger and change your own beliefs.
Learn to pause
An uncontrolled surge of irritation and anger can greatly harm you, ruining your career or personal life. The fee for a minute of weakness can be unreasonably high. Therefore, it is very important to learn to cope with the indignation or anger that grips you.
The easiest way to cope with yourself is to take a deep breath and count to ten. If possible, take a walk. Movement will help you cope with running adrenaline.
When you feel that you can barely restrain yourself from saying too much, mentally take some water into your mouth. Let the plot from the fairy tale about the enchanted water help you with this.
Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman. Not a day went by that they didn't swear. And although they were both tired of fighting, they couldn’t stop. One day I went to their house as a fortune teller and gave them a bucket of enchanted water: “If you feel like swearing again, take a mouthful of this water, and the scourge will pass.” As soon as she was at the door, the old woman began to nag the old man. And he took water into his mouth and remained silent. What now, should the old woman shake the air? - it takes two for a fight! So they got out of the habit of fighting.
Get rid of accumulated aggression
The following techniques, borrowed from the Taoist teachings of Shoy-Tao, will help you get rid of anger, anxiety and internal blocks.
Buddha's smile
Exercise "Buddha's Smile" will allow you to easily achieve a state of mental balance. Calm down and try not to think about anything. Completely relax the muscles of your face and imagine how they fill with heaviness and warmth, and then, having lost their elasticity, they seem to “flow” down in a pleasant languor. Focus on the corners of your lips.
Imagine how your lips begin to move slightly to the sides, forming a light smile. Do not exert any muscle effort. You will feel your lips stretching into a barely noticeable smile, and a feeling of incipient joy will appear throughout your body. Try to do this exercise every day until the state of “Buddha’s smile” becomes familiar to you.
A step forward is a beast, a step back is a man
This exercise is especially useful for shy people who are ashamed of their anger and ashamed of its manifestation. Take a step forward, causing wild rage in yourself, feel the readiness to destroy everything in your path. Then take a step back, performing the “Buddha smile” and returning to a state of absolute calm.
Again, take a step forward, transforming into an angry beast, and a step back, returning to the state of a person. Stepping forward, reinforce your rage with screams, you can swear or clench your jaw forcefully. When taking a step back, it is very important to catch the moment of relaxation, paying attention to the muscles.
This exercise requires a lot of emotional investment. Stop as soon as you feel tired. By doing it regularly, you will see that your steps will become faster and faster, and you will learn to easily move from rage to complete calm.
Remember: these techniques and exercises will help to temporarily relieve aggression and get rid of anger, but will not eliminate the original cause of their occurrence. Contact a specialist for qualified assistance. Take care of yourself!
Contents of the article:
Anger and hatred towards people is a problem from which even a balanced and sensible person is not immune. Emotions often get out of control when someone around you begins to deliberately or accidentally provoke conflict with their behavior pattern. You should understand why this occurs similar phenomenon and how to deal with its negative consequences.
The mechanism of development of anger towards a person
To clarify the situation that brings mental discomfort, it is necessary to understand the pattern of anger at people.
Experts on this issue are unanimous in their conclusions and characterize the mechanism of the problem as follows:
- Factor provocateur. There is no smoke without fire, so negative emotions towards another person do not grow like mushrooms after rain. Many things can provide fertile ground for misunderstanding, because all people are individual and are irritated by completely different situations.
- Reluctance of one of the parties to resolve the conflict. In a quarrel, both are always to blame, but when resolving the problem, someone can simply ignore the brewing misunderstanding. This is done for different reasons, because it all depends on the reasons for triggering the mechanism of anger towards a person.
- Turning a misunderstanding into a problem. Some actors are actually capable of making a molehill out of a molehill, given rather modest preconditions for a conflict to ripen. If the reason for the stated problem is quite serious, then a serious fight between people may occur in the future.
- Ending the relationship with the abuser. This is usually done demonstratively, but the possibility of secret hostility is not excluded. Anger at a person must find its logical conclusion, because keeping negative emotions inside oneself for a long time It's simply impossible.
Important! When a problem is voiced, the main thing is to remain calm so that emotions do not get out of control. Every self-sufficient person must clearly understand the essence of what is happening, so as not to do anything stupid in the future.
Causes of anger towards a person
We cannot literally please everyone, but there are individuals who can throw anyone off balance. There are many prerequisites for the appearance of anger towards other people, but the main reasons for the formation of such a negative phenomenon should be highlighted:
- Refusal of the request. In some life situations a person needs moral, physical or material support. In this case, you have to turn to your close circle, which can unpleasantly surprise you with its response to a call for help. As a result, anger begins to arise at such a refusal, which sometimes turns into hatred and anger.
- Gossip and slander. Few of us will be pleased with the fact that we are discussed behind our backs with a rather negative assessment personal qualities. This is especially painful when it comes to close people who are slanderers. It is very difficult to ignore what is happening, so anger arises towards the offender.
- Refusal of a promise. Ignoring a request from someone is painful in itself, but hearing “no” after a previously voiced agreement is even more unpleasant. A person who does not keep his word can cause outright resentment and anger on the part of the injured party.
- Ignore. Sometimes it is better to engage in a verbal battle than to experience outright neglect from another person. Such a response can cause anger in even the most balanced person.
- Non-repayment of debt. There is a rather wise saying that friends are friends, but tobacco is apart. Anger towards another person can arise over a voiced reason, because quite often trusting relationships end due to refusal to return the occupied cash.
- . If the matter concerns two close people, then anger towards the other person can arise even for an insignificant reason. Everyday life sometimes complicates relationships so much that it causes an avalanche of negative emotions towards your partner.
- Hormonal imbalance. Anecdotes that colorfully describe the behavior of a woman during menopause are not at all devoid of common sense. In some cases, changes in the functioning of the body can provoke unconscious attacks of anger towards other people.
- Betrayal. In this case, we are talking about both physical betrayal and moral treachery. Anger towards another person arises for a completely understandable reason, which can lead to a complete break in the relationship.
- Deviant behavior of the offender. Few people would like the fact that someone is trying to cause physical or mental harm to them. It can consist of both insulting language and beatings. Anger at the offender arises immediately and then develops into real anger.
Types of manifestations of anger towards another person
Even negative emotions have their own subtypes, because human nature is diverse in the manifestation of its feelings. Psychologists recommend considering the following options for showing anger towards a person:
- Silent hatred. People can smile sweetly at each other, but in their hearts they are ready to destroy the offender in all unimaginable ways. To some extent, this resembles elementary hypocrisy, in which visually everything looks great, but in fact the conflict is simply hidden.
- Anger is a game. For some people, negative emotions are important and fuel them. In the complete absence of prerequisites for a negative attitude towards another person, they themselves will come up with a reason for its occurrence. Such persons need a quarrel like air, because the quarrelsome character makes itself felt in such subjects.
- . In this case, it is worth noting the paradoxical ability of some people to behave like Eeyore, who saw only the bad in everything that happened. These subjects are initially not ready to accept the position of another person, which subsequently leads to anger towards all of humanity.
- Anger-despair. In some cases, such a manifestation of emotions is demonstrative in nature. We do not always truthfully show the feelings that we actually experience. Such provocations are made in order to attract the attention of a person dear to us.
- Anger-competition. When the formulation is voiced, I recall the movie “Death Becomes Her,” where Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn brilliantly characterized this phenomenon. The ladies went so far in the competition for a man that this became the reason for the fantastic development of a love triangle.
Golden rules for dealing with anger towards a person
You can live with the problem voiced, but over time it can destroy the life of any subject. Very often we cannot answer the question of how to get rid of anger at a person. In this case, specialists who know how to heal mental wounds come to the rescue with their advice.
Suppressing anger towards loved ones
The closest environment can sometimes bring negative emotions to anyone in a matter of seconds. At the same time, it is very important to follow the following recommendations from psychologists on how to overcome anger at a loved one:
- Autotraining. With this method, an attitude towards positive emotions is triggered, which usually has good result. It is necessary to mentally say goodbye to your anger, which brings only harm to a person. We must learn to forgive close people, because we are often also unconditionally accepted with all our weaknesses.
- . The hackneyed phrase “let’s talk” is not always a reason to smile. You need to be able to communicate with your family and loved ones so that in the future you don’t develop a feeling of anger towards them. It’s better to express everything that’s painful to you once in a confidential conversation than to then spend a long time correcting the mistakes you’ve made.
- Pause in relationships. To avoid a final break in relations, you can try this method of conflict resolution. At the same time, it is necessary to completely calm down and, with a sober head, understand the reasons for the anger that has arisen towards to a loved one. It is unrealistic to do this on emotions, because during periods of intense passion, people often cannot come to mutual agreement.
- Confrontation method. In some cases, you simply cannot do without this tool. Sometimes you need to decisively set an ultimatum so that your relationship with a loved one does not reach a dead end. Active actions in this direction will help get rid of anger towards an object that is dear.
- Help from a psychotherapist. It is definitely easier for a specialist to deal with the problem that has arisen than for the victim himself. Anger towards loved ones is a very dangerous emotion, because in the heat of the moment you can lose love and trust loved one. Consequently, the help of a competent healer of human souls in some cases will not hurt.
Getting rid of anger towards colleagues and acquaintances
Very often it is difficult for us to understand the question of how to overcome anger towards a person. This can only be done with strict self-discipline and the desire to get rid of the problem that has arisen. Negative emotions must be suppressed for life to become harmonious and colorful.
Surely many of us know that outbursts of anger are a simple defensive reaction of our body.
In this way we get rid of overwhelming emotions and experiences. But not everyone is capable of this because of their beliefs. Some believe that openly expressing anger is bad, others believe that this is how they show their weakness.
But, nevertheless, we are all human, and we tend to get angry. Aggressiveness is inherent in us by nature itself and, every time we suppress it, we direct our own strength against ourselves. The accumulated energy of anger and anger destroys us from the inside, causing illness, fatigue and depression. So how is it possible to get rid of anger, free yourself from accumulated grievances and negative emotions? Do you really need to give vent to your anger? But it is precisely from such outbursts of aggression that the people closest and dearest to you can suffer... Some people try to get rid of indignation on their own, and they try so hard that they plunge even deeper into it. It would seem like a paradox: everything is clear, it’s impossible, without anger it will be better and easier, but the more you pronounce the formula “calm down” to yourself, the more angry you become.
To calm down and adequately respond to a certain critical situation, psychologists advise counting to ten. I think that many have heard about this method. But! This method helps some, but for others it does exactly the opposite. Gradually approaching “ten”, such people simply “loose their chains”, saying later that before the counting began they were much calmer.
The success of a response to a problem depends on the rapid release of negative emotions. The faster the better. And we often restrain ourselves, pushing resentment and anger deeper into our hearts. But after a while these emotions new strength asking to come out. That is why we are exhausted both physically and psychologically. But this does not mean at all that you need to break down, take revenge and destroy the offenders. No way. You need to be able to release anger in alternative and harmless ways.
Here are several ways to relieve negative emotions of anger, irritability, aggression.
1. Give free rein to your feelings! It is very important to allow yourself to be angry and feel anger. You don't forbid yourself to laugh, do you? And joy is the same emotion as anger, only without your internal limitations. So, take a pillow and start hitting it - this way you will throw out all the anger and feel that it has become much easier for you, as if you have dropped a heavy burden. If this method doesn't really suit you, then write a letter of hate and anger. Write on paper, pressing hard on the pencil or pen, putting all your hatred and anger into each word. After writing, be sure to burn the letter. There is another alternative to this method - lock yourself in the car and scream at the top of your lungs, or go to where there are fewer people (forest, dacha, etc.) and shout as you want!
2. Don't push yourself to the limit when you are yelled at or criticized! The best way coping with anger means expressing it to the person who angered you. Just say: “You know, I don’t like it when you talk to me like that...” or “I’m angry with you because...” Of course, it’s not always justified to express everything to your face. You can address the offender through the mirror. Play out the situation that pissed you off, and, imagining in the mirror the one who offended you, express everything you think about him. After your anger has subsided, try to sincerely understand and forgive him. Forgiveness will help you completely free yourself from anger and aggression.
3. Learn to pause The easiest way to cope with yourself is to take a deep breath and count to ten. I have already mentioned this method above. If possible, take a walk, because movement will definitely help cope with the rushing adrenaline. You can also “wash away” the negative. Do laundry or wash dishes. Contact with water will provide a discharge. When you feel like you can barely restrain yourself from saying too much, mentally fill your mouth with water. Let the plot from the fairy tale about enchanted water help you with this: “Once upon a time there was an old man and an old woman. Not a day went by without them arguing. And, although both were tired of quarreling, they could not stop. One day a fortune teller came to their house and gave them a bucket of enchanted water: “If you feel like swearing again, take a mouthful of this water, and the quarrel will pass.” As soon as she was out the door, the old woman began to nag the old man. And he took water into his mouth and remained silent. What now, should the old woman shake the air alone? It takes two to fight! So they lost the habit of swearing...” 4. Get rid of accumulated anxiety and internal blocks!
The following techniques, borrowed from the Taoist teachings of Shou Dao, will help you.
The “Buddha Smile” exercise will allow you to easily achieve a state of mental balance. Calm down and try not to think about anything. Completely relax the muscles of your face and imagine how they fill with heaviness and warmth, and then, having lost their elasticity, they seem to “flow” down in a pleasant languor. Focus on the corners of your lips. Imagine how your lips begin to move slightly to the sides, forming a slight smile. Do not exert any muscular effort. You will feel your lips stretch into a subtle smile, and a feeling of incipient joy will appear throughout your body. Try to do this exercise every day until the “Buddha smile” state becomes familiar to you.
5. Go to a neurologist. Don't be shy or afraid. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re healthy, it’s just that life has provoked a depressive state that is natural in your situation. Tell us about the recurring thoughts that debilitate you. You will be prescribed harmless medications, possibly homeopathic, which you will take when emotions overwhelm you. Don't be ashamed of what happens to you. This is not that uncommon.
You just need to competently help yourself get out of an unpleasant state.
Anger regulation is the process of learning about the cues that indicate you're becoming angry and taking actions that can calm you down, help you cope with the situation, and help you think more positively. This does not mean that you need to suppress anger or keep it inside. Feeling angry is a completely normal and natural emotion if you don't know other ways to react to the event. Well, the science of anger regulation can help you manage your reactions differently.
Here no one will convince you to hide or suppress anger, demonstrate other emotions instead, switch to something more positive, or ignore this feeling. This is the science of how to perceive everything that happens to us differently. Many people have attacks of anger that are completely uncontrollable, which can lead to very disastrous results. What happens if, say, you suddenly lash out at your boss? Unjustly yell at your child or spouse? If you restrain yourself every time you want to show violent discontent, it will accumulate until one fine day it bursts out in multiple volumes.
5 Anger Management Techniques That Will Help You Keep the Peace
This science will be useful to everyone, because sooner or later each of us experiences anger. You may want to improve the atmosphere that accompanies you personally every day by learning to cope with emotions, control them and react differently to external stimuli.
Let's study together!
1. Analyze the consequences
Focus not on what made you angry in the first place, but on what consequences the outburst of anger will entail. Are you upset by your child's behavior? Find a way to clearly explain this fact to him. Do friends or family members say things that make you feel angry? Calm down and have a constructive dialogue, set clear boundaries of what is permitted.
Remember that uncontrolled anger can have more serious consequences. In fact, the consequences are almost always much more devastating. Take a deep breath, remember self-discipline and look for a more rational solution.
2. Forgive and (maybe) forget.
The ability to forgive is very rare these days. By allowing anger and aggression to be present in us every day, we become more unhappy and worsen our own perception of life. Everything around you begins to seem hostile and pessimistic.
If you can forgive someone for making you angry, do it without hesitation. For you, this will be a good indicator that no one can shake your inner harmony; for others, it will be a reason to respect you as a person who is able to react adequately and remain calm and cool in any situation. These qualities, for example, are extremely valued in any job.
By understanding that many of the things we take offense at are actually insignificant little things, we can learn to forgive and forget. Let go, take care of yourself and your mental health on your own.
3. Improve your listening and hearing skills
The ability to listen is extremely important for anyone who is in constant contact with other people. When we know how to listen carefully, remember and not interrupt the interlocutor, this helps build trust and respect for you, people love when they are given the opportunity to speak.
By demonstrating to others that you can listen, you show that you:
1) are not indifferent to what is happening;
2) the thoughts and emotions of your interlocutor matter to you;
3) you have at least basic empathy skills.
Sometimes the person who lashed out at you, provoking your anger in response, just needed to be listened to.
4. Practice relaxation techniques
The American Psychological Association considers the technique of taking deep breaths and visualizing calming landscapes to be the most effective. Here are some tips for doing it:
- You need to breathe deeply with your diaphragm. Breathing coming from the chest will not relax.
- Repeat to yourself: “I’m calm,” “I’m not angry,” “everything is fine.” Such self-hypnosis helps the brain reprogram reactions to positive ones.
- Bring to mind images that are personally calming to you. It could be a view of the ocean at sunset or a winter night landscape from the window - whatever you like.
- Stress-relieving practices like yoga, tai chi, or meditation can help you relax your muscles and let go of all negative thoughts.
5. Cognitive restructuring
One of the most effective techniques. This refers to the moment when you consciously change your thoughts by understanding what motivated the people who angered you or what caused the events that triggered your angry outbursts. For example, you ran into your favorite coffee shop before work to drink a cup of aromatic cappuccino. But suddenly a visitor in front of you in line begins to complain about poor quality service, becoming more and more agitated. In another situation, you would start to get angry, realizing that the sunny morning mood has disappeared without a trace, that this cappuccino will no longer please you and that, most likely, the scandal will drag on for a long time and you will be late for work. However, look at the situation from the other side: as a rule, only deeply unhappy people start making scandals for any reason. No matter what happens in this visitor's life, there is absolutely no use in being angry with him. The maximum that you can do is to sympathize with him in your soul and smile when he passes by: what if you manage to cheer him up at least a little?
Learning to deal with anger will bring a lot of good into your life. You will feel more cheerful yourself and will wean yourself from getting irritated with or without others. We advise you to practice applying all these methods in practice. Good luck, and may peace become the basis of your life!
