A year ago, in the company of friends, I met a young man. At first they just talked as friends, but recently they began to meet. And now everything would be fine, the feelings are mutual, he offers to move in with him and in general he fully corresponds to my ideas about what my young man should be like, this is exactly what I dreamed of, expected this, but only one thing but ... he is Armenian. And my family, to put it mildly, does not welcome relations with him. Public opinion, again, relatives and friends say the same thing: "Russians, perhaps, are you not enough?" My arguments are completely unacceptable. How to explain to everyone that the matter is, first of all, in a person? What difference does it make whether he is Russian or not? (Yana, Moscow, 23 years old)

Yana, Moscow, 23 years old / 12.12.05

Opinions of our experts

• ALYONA:

  Yana, are you obliged to explain this to someone, to prove it? Where, in what statutes and codes is it written that you must give strong arguments in favor of living together with a person of a different nationality in order to get the right to this same life together? Quit this thankless job! Why waste time and energy trying to change other people's stereotypes? The important thing is that you don't have them. If you love, then advice to you is love. But take one piece of advice. If you want - throw it in the oven, if you want - listen. Your boyfriend is not just a different nationality. It belongs to a people of a different culture, with ideas different from ours about the place of men and women in family life. Therefore, before you start a life together, be sure to discuss with him in detail how he sees this life. What will be your duties, in his opinion. What will you have to do and what will you be entitled to. It is very important. About a month ago there was a question from a girl who married an Arab. So, her "modern" Arab boyfriend turned out to be a rather traditional Arab husband and began to impose on her the role of a Muslim woman. Look, don't get into a similar situation when they start imposing on you the style of behavior traditional for an Armenian wife. At one time, I had a classmate. Russian, but most of her life lived in Yerevan. A very interesting person, together with his Armenian classmates, was in a detachment of volunteers who participated in the rescue work in Leninakan after the terrible earthquake on December 7, 1988 in Armenia. No matter how hard I tried, I could not now remember a single negative review from her side about the Armenians. But I remember a lot of positive things... It seems to me that these stereotypes and the attitude towards the same Armenians as "strangers" - they have appeared recently. It’s as if someone from those in power is deliberately quietly driving a wedge between people of different nationalities… But we even have the same religion with the Armenians…

• SERGEY:

  In any case, it's up to you to decide. This is your life, and therefore mistakes or victories should also be only yours. As for the situation, in my unenlightened view, xenophobia is evident. It comes from the Greek words "xenos" (stranger, foreign or foreigner) and "phobia" (fear). Xenophobia is any persistent, irrational or excessive fear (or hatred) of foreigners or strangers. You know, your situation once again shows how far we all have gone from the tribal system and how little we know about our own neighbors. We are afraid of "outsiders", by which we mean everyone from the east. Europeans, even Muslims, but French by passport, do not receive such a reaction. And today, most of us, "maskvaches", will not even be able to explain the nature of this fear. He just is and that's it. I will not rant on the topic "why?". OK? It's long. As for the Armenians, I can only say that they are much closer to us than many peoples, to which they are usually referred. In Moscow, after all, there is practically no division along ethnic lines. There is a common name - a person of Caucasian nationality. It's almost a sentence. And the fact that Armenians, like us, are Christians, that cultural and family values ​​are not just very similar, but the same that we had in the not very distant past, does not count. The only thing that, perhaps, distinguishes them from us very much is a greater respect for elders. I, for some reason, quite often and closely communicated with Armenian families. And personally, I never felt uncomfortable in them. Yes, there is a much more pronounced subordination to the head of the family. Yes, the wife obeys her husband. Yes, the word of the head of the family is law. However, in their culture, unlike, say, the Arabs or even us, the man is really the breadwinner. On it provision of the house. And the house is the wife and children. Separately (which is good) are relationships with parents. This is sacred, and their word is always the most weighty. But! They are usually wisely silent. This means that responsibilities are clearly defined. And, by the way, in none of the Armenian houses that I happened to visit, I did not hear insults. Hmm… A thought suddenly came to mind. If we compare our Russian ancestors with today's us and Armenians, then, probably, Armenians are much more "Russian" than we are. In general, it's up to you. Weigh it all over again and make your own decision. There are differences in our cultures, but very minor. In addition, I don’t know why, but our Armenian brothers, who have been offended by us so many times, continue to consider us brothers, and elders at that. Therefore, you are unlikely to be offended. But can you ensure peace, tranquility and well-being in the house, as Armenian women do? In a word - if I were a woman, I would marry an Armenian. Despite the protests of relatives. But that's just my opinion.

Sputnik.

Representatives of Armenian communities live in all major countries of the world. Most of all - in Russia, France and the USA. In particular, Armenians moved to many countries after the Armenian Genocide in the Ottoman Empire.

Armenian language

The most interesting thing is that Armenians have about 50 dialects, while there are Western Armenian and Eastern Armenian languages, which are spoken by the vast majority of representatives of this nation. As for Eastern Armenian, this is one of the modern variants of the Armenian language, which is spoken in modern Armenia.

The second variety of the Armenian language is common among the Armenian diaspora, which appeared after the Genocide. This group of Armenians predominantly lives in North and South America, Europe and the Middle East. Despite the fact that the dialects are very different, Armenians can easily communicate with each other, speaking their own dialect.

The most difficult to understand Armenian dialects are among the inhabitants of the Syunik region and the Nagorno-Karabakh Republic (Artsakh). It is for this reason that many Armenians do not speak their native language, but they are fluent in the language of the country in which they live.

Armenian humor

If you communicate with Armenians, then, undoubtedly, you have noticed that these people have a bright sense of humor. They can cheer you up in a few minutes, tell a lot of funny stories, anecdotes, and make you walk around with high spirits for the next few days.

It is impossible not to note the fact that there are a lot of famous Armenian comedians in the world. In particular, the well-known Evgeny Petrosyan, Garik Martirosyan and Mikhail Galustyan. In fact, despite their cheerful disposition and enthusiasm, Armenians are very serious people, especially when it comes to people of the older generation, who have had a lot of difficulties.

© Sputnik / Ramil Sitdikov

There are also eternally dissatisfied Armenians. Usually, these are people who will never find their place in life. Most of all, in my opinion, Armenian taxi drivers and public transport drivers are dissatisfied. It is clear - the driving style in Yerevan and other cities of Armenia is distinguished by a special temperament.

Armenian hospitality

If you are a person close to an Armenian, then, most likely, he is ready for a lot for you, and maybe for everything. Probably, only Armenians know how to give everything to a loved one without a trace, surround him with care, attention and affection.

Armenians love and value family very much. In the Armenian family, the parent is the king. And in fact, this is all mutual, since many Armenian parents raise their children in great love and do everything for them, even the impossible. The attitude towards children in our country is special, and this can be called a cult of children. Also, an Armenian man idolizes his beloved women (mother, sister, wife).

Another national trait is hospitality. If you are visiting a "correct" Armenian, then he will definitely treat you to something. But if you have agreed in advance to visit an Armenian or an Armenian family, then a whole festive treat awaits you! And especially, delicious Armenian cognac.

You can talk about Armenian dishes forever and write for a long time, but the most favorite dishes of Armenians are dolma (stuffed cabbage from grape leaves), khash - spicy soup of beef legs with garlic, spas - a healthy soup based on yogurt, Armenian salad taboule from bulgur and finely chopped parsley.

Armenian habits

Most Armenians are hardworking. If an Armenian finds a job he likes, then he works tirelessly.

The sunny weather of Armenia allows the inhabitants of the country to hang clothes on the streets. Such a habit is traditional, for example, for the inhabitants of Italy, when a huge amount of clothing is hung from building to building.

© Sputnik / Asatur Yesayants

The "classic" Armenian is distinguished by the fact that he likes to consume a large amount of bread and coffee, organizes luxurious weddings, birthdays, engagements, christenings and other holidays. And in fact, an Armenian may not have money ... He will take it on credit, he will pay off the debt for months. But if the soul wants a holiday, then he will not be able to deny himself and his loved ones this.

Armenians love expensive cars, clothes and accessories. Probably, this feature is characteristic of all nationalities.

And many Armenians also open all the windows in the car when their favorite song is playing, regardless of whether you like this music or not. But the music lover will pass through the city, having listened to his favorite track several times, even in winter.

If you decide to use public transport in Armenia, and there is no longer a place where you can sit down, then you will definitely give it up.

And Armenians love to greet each other very much. "Barev" and "Bari luys" ("hello" and "good morning") - this is what can cheer up a person or become an occasion for further communication. No wonder they say in Armenia that "the greeting belongs to God."

© Sputnik / Samvel Sepetchyan

"Areni" festival: truth in wine

Very often Armenians say "merci" instead of the traditional "thank you". Maybe it's just too lazy to pronounce the beautiful word "shnorakalutsyun" every time.

By the way, only an Armenian will buy an expensive gadget for himself - a phone, laptop, tablet or netbook, and will be too lazy to study it himself in order to properly exploit it. He will definitely start asking others how to set everything up and make it work.

In fact, Armenians have a lot of habits, both positive and negative, and their character traits are very diverse. The temperament and mentality of Armenians is a very complex thing. However, this article contains everything that can distinguish an Armenian from representatives of other nationalities.

We are glad if Armenian habits are also characteristic of you.

To the question of why Armenian men prefer Russian girls.
Armenians are very fond of the Russian language. I even have one admirer who seems to hang out with me just to practice speaking Russian. Well, God be with him!)
Armenians love the Russian language so much that they first of all speak Russian with any tourist, even from Guatemala. Such a bizarre instinct works - if not in Armenian, then in Russian. But more than anything, Armenians (we are talking about men) love women. Sorry, Russian women and girls.
Who doesn't love, you ask? But Armenians - any Russian girl who has visited Armenia will tell you - love them in a special way. Here you have temperament, hospitality, Caucasian character, and the ability to appreciate beauty. Turns out,
back in Soviet times, Armenia was considered the center of the sex industry in the USSR. But that was a long time ago, so what if it's true?)
Since then, a lot of water has flowed under the bridge, a lot of new things have been built in the country, society has begun to develop, or rather “move” along the lines of liberal-democratic standards. In short, everything is according to the plan of Heraclitus "Everything flows, everything changes." Only the love of Armenian men for Russian girls remained unchanged. This is how the hot Armenian macho explains this paradox. Reading and thinking:
Taaaaaaaaa..
Why do we like Russian girls?
1. Because they know how to take care of themselves.
2. Shave in all places every day
3. They smell good
4. They have a beautiful ass
5. They have long legs
6. They are mostly blondes
7. You don't make any effort to get them into bed.
8. They also like people of Caucasian nationality (he said)
9. They are good in bed
10. They have no complexes

The whole tragicomic nature of this “sublime” love and irrepressible passion lies in the fact that Armenians are attracted to Slav women, but few people dare to marry a Slav. Here it is necessary to say a few words about Armenian girls too, because everything is known in comparison. Ithax: Armenian girls are a very special kind of girls (as well as Armenian guys). The girls here are mostly modest, well-mannered and quiet. It often happens that you spend many hours in companies where there are a lot of girls, but you never hear a single word from them. Some men like it very much. (God forgive them). With all this, you can meet a completely different type of girl: European views, open, cheerful, sociable, incendiary ... at club parties. In order to find just such, it is not necessary to strain much. Just go to the nearest club.
It is clear that accessibility is inherent in both some Armenian women and Russians ... And there is hardly a people where they are not easily accessible. And the dogma, which some Armenian men and women like to trumpet at the top of their voices, about the superiority of Armenian women over everyone and in particular over Russian women, is complete nonsense and I would say the result of low mental development.
Judge for yourself, because we constantly hear the same thing - Armenian women adhere to traditions, know how to behave (?), good housewives, etc. and so on..
You might think that the Russians do not have any traditions and customs, they behave like pigs and the house is an eternal mess. And then, if we are talking about traditions, then what exactly are we talking about? As far as I understand, the word tradition is used in the mouths of many precisely as a symbol of innocence before marriage, and this is the whole point of the fictitious paradigm about Armenian traditions. And before marriage, exclusively platonic love is, of course, good, but depending on when the girl gets married. What if no one wants to get married? After all, you marry someone without knowing about one of the most important things (admit it) in a relationship between a man and a woman, and you hope that everything will be fine in the future. What if the guy is unlucky? And in response, silence ... ..
And the fact that today for many Armenian men the female ideal is much more attractive not in the form of housewives with an apron in the kitchen, but in the form of a modern, smart and interesting woman, and that there are very few of them among Armenian women, this is not mentioned. However, I have already said!
Armenians, do not forget that many Armenian women stay at home (sometimes in the truest sense of the word), because 30% of all Armenians who leave to work in Russia marry a Russian, and only 5% of Armenian women marry Russians. No gag - naked statistics. So there is a reason to support the "domestic manufacturer")))))
Please, to all Armenian men who read this post, do not forget that there are a lot of beautiful Armenian women who are waiting for you))))
p.s. Do not judge strictly my cynicism.

That's what I'll say. Last year it happened, my friend and I met Armenian guys. At first they perceived us as girls, well, to put it mildly, easily accessible. (it wasn’t us who behaved like this, it was their opinion about Russian girls) Then in the end they realized that we were normal, and now I know for sure that they are very good friends as friends. There was a case. when our guys, with whom we have known half our lives and were considered best friends, did not lift a finger on a finger. And the Armenians helped. Now for the next...

Just recently, one of our Armenian friends invited me to meet. I love, buy and fly. As a person, he is very good, I respect and love him. But ... As practice has shown, "he is weak in the front." When I decided to reciprocate, he swerved not to the left. Motivating this by the fact that I refused him (not in terms of intimacy) to be his girlfriend, why then continue to seek? Question: What kind of love was it then? I made a conclusion. Then we talked, reconciled. and now he is doing everything to make me believe in him. Ringing everyone and everything, as he loves me. I don't believe anymore. Where once there and the second. I will say one thing. Armenian men are temperamental people, yes, they will do everything for their beloved women. But I will never refuse other ladies)

In them, us Russian women, we are attracted by their attitude towards us. They know how to be gallant, polite, romantic. What is missing in Russian men now. Yes, I'm not afraid to say this, it's not enough... But you really need to understand what you're getting into when you build relationships with an Armenian. Someone above said that there are enough idiots everywhere. They have it, we have it, and everything is the same everywhere.

In my case, my Armenian does not have a passport or registration. Although his family has been living in Russia for more than 10 years, and everyone has everything. And he doesn't need to. He says he met me, now he wakes up to think about the future. Because he understands perfectly well that without this package, there can be no talk of any serious relationship. He does not need a residence permit from me (if someone has an opinion now). I told him so, it's your problem. Exactly like everything else. We live in different cities, now we see each other less often, and in winter it’s generally a pipe. This is another headache on HIS head. And he understands this too. I try to give him everything realistically, without rose-colored glasses, I hit on the fact that he is a man, he decides the path.

Karina, love is a wonderful feeling. But what else can he give you besides this bright feeling?

And so that it does not happen that a woman does not have a right, but only duties. , then I will say this. We women position ourselves in such a way that we are treated as consumers. Think honey. your life is only in your hands. And no one's opinion should influence her. Only you yourself. Your rake, you and attack. And all this advice only adds uncertainty. Turn off your head, turn on your heart, that's how it tells you, so do it. Good luck dear!

They say that Caucasians have hot blood, that they keep their women in black gloves. Step left, step right shot. Is this true and is it worth starting such a relationship?

Firstly, the Armenians are not Caucasians, but "pro-Caucasians". I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years already (we’ve known each other for 9 years), and to be honest, he’s in my hands with a tight rein))))) I know such families (where Russian girls married Caucasians) and most of the women are the leaders. In general, I believe that it all depends on the person, and on the family in which he was brought up. So it’s better, of course, to find out everything about him thoroughly before starting a serious relationship.

I wouldn't start, but it's not about " I", but in love. If there is, then start, if not, do not.

The definitions of "Armenian", "Georgian", "Syrian" or "Papuan" will come to the fore when you have to visit each other, get married, build relationships with relatives, settle down in a foreign land, and so on. It certainly is. There is no point in childishly pretending that everything will be extremely easy and indifferent, whether to visit Moscow or Georgia.

However, distance and other nationality, theoretically, should not become a decisive obstacle to hot relations. When there is tenderness in the heart, no one will shoot anyone. Do not scare before the time.

Therefore, giving advice, like "should" or "shouldn't", without knowing people, is pointless. Think and decide who is closer to you in spirit, and not on the map.

I could have had the opportunity to build a relationship with an Armenian. But the point is not in his nationality, but in the man himself. It wasn't externally that attracted me, it was his internal qualities that repelled me. But he is smart and has a technical education, position. Why did she write that there was an opportunity, since he showed interest and showed signs of attention. All this was at work, and I was also terribly jealous if someone else was interested in me. The Armenian girls told me that one should be submissive, not dress brightly and make up. This is nothing, but when the children appear, the husband can afford to leave the family and go for a walk, and this is in the order of things. Maybe a Slav would do the same, only I was dumb then at the age of twenty to start a relationship with him. My mother saw him and we shared the same opinion. I also have such a character that I will not allow myself to be commanded. And what would be? Someone killed someone. For me, a relationship with such an Armenian is not an option. Although he is young and smart. Not my man.

Armenian and Russian girl relationship

Read the topic - the situation has not changed much since the 50-60s. Well, maybe there's a little more intermarriage now. But for the most part, Armenians prefer to marry Armenian women, and vice versa. On their own, in general. And for the preservation of the nation, and because the principles of life, values, common and known in advance to everyone))))

when you finish, put the story here) very interesting

And about hospitality - how do you understand it yourself?) Well, what will you do now if a guest comes to your house?:ab:

In Armenia, the guest is treated with great attention and cordiality) So that the guest feels like the dearest person for the hosts)))

And what exactly it will be expressed in is up to everyone’s imagination) At a minimum, it’s a smile from the doorway, calling by name, an invitation, taking care of the little things, offering coffee-tea (there are some Armenians who don’t drink coffee, but mostly coffee, of course with sweets or something else)))), inviting to the table persistently offer lunch or dinner or whatever is on schedule (since a guest can refuse out of politeness, according to tradition, he must refuse 3 times, and on the 4th he must agree :biggrin2: but not everyone honors this tradition)

As a conclusion - if the house is empty, and there is nothing to treat the guest, then this is not good) A good hostess should be combat ready for at least the minimum option for receiving guests, the ability to cook tasty is important at the same time))

If you visit an Armenian family, you will see all this for yourself (I hope))).

And when you meet your mother, pay attention to how she receives guests. Your future spouse most likely has the same idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthis as his mother. Maybe his mom will teach you everything you need))

I am Russian, my beloved Armenian. We are going to start living together soon. tell. please, how should a "good Armenian wife" behave, he says that I should become a good hospitable hostess. does not give any specific explanations for this vague definition, maybe there are people among you who will tell me how a woman in Armenia should behave when guests come or when (this will probably be the most terrible test for me) we will be visiting his mother

You know, I read your post and remembered my mother. Whatever guest comes - coffee! if he refuses, they will force him! :biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2: If there is nothing to serve with tea, he will always find something out of it:biggrin2: When we are waiting for guests, he makes salads with bowls! just basins! (even though dad is against it) As a result, you have to call other guests so that nothing is lost. :girl_haha::rofl:

I don’t know about you, but it’s customary for our family to offer the 2nd, then the 3rd, and so on coffee. If we don't offer it, then it's time to leave! (:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:)

So .. well, I laughed) Chesna!

and of course, when a guest gets dressed, getting ready to go out, a topic is MANDATORY touched upon, which takes much more time than a conversation at the table) :biggrin2:

There, the action, however, is 60-70 years, but still

How to win the love of an Armenian man

Someone manages to attract the attention of an Armenian easily and naturally, while someone, despite all efforts and attempts, is defeated. So, let's try to answer the question: how to win the love of an Armenian man?

What is an Armenian man?

Character of an Armenian man

First you need to find out what exactly do we know about Armenian men?

The image of a fatal handsome man with an ardent temperament and a reverent attitude towards a woman has firmly settled in our thoughts. In fact, Armenian men do not stand out much among men of other nationalities. Armenians are distinguished by a sharp change of mood, jealousy, unconditional charisma, loyalty to traditions, reverence for family ties, hard work. These are the main characteristics obtained from women living or communicating with men of this nationality. Armenians living in the cities of Russia are more socialized than their compatriots living in their homeland. But, it must be remembered that each person is an individual and people of Armenian nationality are no exception.

How to attract the attention of an Armenian man?

Before figuring out how to win the love of an Armenian man, you need to clarify how you can draw his attention to your person. There are no known facts that Armenian men prefer a certain type of women. Therefore, it does not make sense to repaint from blonde to brunette, lose weight or get better. An Armenian can be attracted to a woman by mystery, or by the presence of a zest, which seems to be visible, but not solved. By doing this, you can intrigue him and arouse interest in yourself. If your meeting is casual and you would like to start a relationship with this person, in no case be imposed on him, try to gently push him into action and then very reluctantly give in to his request. Behave as impregnably as possible, this will push him to further actions, because Armenian men are essentially conquerors. Mysteriousness, impregnability and a well-groomed appearance are your main weapons at the first stage towards the goal.

How to win the love of an Armenian?

How to fall in love with an Armenian

So, now you need to consolidate the result and move to a new stage of relations with the object of your dreams. You have to try to bind him. Learn to cook his favorite dishes and learn the Armenian language, it will flatter him and it will be much easier for you to communicate with his family when you get to know relatives and friends. And such an acquaintance will definitely take place. And in order for your relationship to become as strong and durable as possible, you need to please the parents of your Armenian man. It is the opinion of his family that will play a decisive role in your relationship. Whatever affection a young man feels for you, he will be able to break off relations with you if the family decides so.

If you are counting on a long-term relationship with your partner, then he will certainly be proud if you know his roots and understand all the "branches" of his huge family.

You will need to show your partner that it is he who plays the main role in your relationship, but do not let him deprive you of your own opinion. This will cause him respect for you, and he will be proud that an independent girl recognizes him as the head of the relationship.

Do not test his feelings with jealousy. Armenians, as a rule, are very jealous and you can expect a scandal at best, a complete break in relations at worst.

Learn to respect your Armenian boyfriend. Show him your mind, understanding and admiration. An Armenian man will be proud that he has such a smart and understanding girlfriend. And most importantly ... If your relationship has grown into a serious one and you have achieved your initial goal, express your love for him. After all, every person needs to be loved.

You have put a lot of effort into getting the love of an Armenian man. And what will you get in return? Armenian men, as a rule, are well-educated, it is interesting to communicate with them, they look after them beautifully and show care. If you are planning to start a family with him, then according to statistics, Armenians are good husbands, caring fathers who put family in the first place. They respect their wife and her opinion.

These tips are not at all a guide to action, since each person is, first of all, a mature personality with his own principles and worldview, and, accordingly, he needs a special approach. But, these tips can help you better understand the thoughts, feelings and affections of an Armenian, which in the future will help you create and strengthen your relationship with your beloved man.

Why don't Armenians marry Russians?

More often you can hear the opposite question, the answer to which is obvious to many - Armenian men are greedy for Slavic women. There are many examples of this, such joint marriages take place. Let's try to understand the reverse situation: why don't Armenians marry Russians?

Like representatives of many other small (and numerous too) nations, Armenians prefer to marry representatives of their own nationality. Among the Caucasian peoples, this is especially pronounced.

The traditional life of the Armenian people is associated with many rituals, canons and rules. The Armenian wedding is no exception. A rare wedding ceremony is comparable in beauty, scope and generosity to an Armenian marriage. They last several days, during which the newlyweds, relatives and guests show miracles of extravagance. The whole process of preparing for the wedding, its conduct is inextricably linked with the culture of the Armenian people. Needless to say, this whole ceremony does not in any way imply that a Russian girl will be under the crown. Before the newlyweds will be allowed to marry, you need to get a lot of approvals from each of the parties. These are parents, matchmakers, close and distant relatives, friends. It is unlikely that an Armenian guy will want to go against all this brethren. Why? Why, it is very difficult for one Armenian to break through in life without the powerful support of a kindred clan.

Armenian life is also a complex and peculiar thing, connected with the need to adhere to certain rules. It is unlikely that a Russian girl will be capable of such self-sacrifice. Armenian men also understand this very well, not tying the knot with representatives of Russian nationality.

There is another reason why Armenians prefer not to marry Russians. As a rule, Armenian guys are not poor people. And certainly they are not devoid of sexual energy. Both of these qualities can be realized only by having an obedient wife and a whole harem of mistresses at home. Armenian girls are ideal wives in terms of obedience, housekeeping, observing traditions and rituals, without which an Armenian man will not be considered complete in his circle. Russian girls, in the eyes of most Armenians, are assigned the role of mistresses. How often do men marry lovers?

I am Russian, he is Armenian, he is married, older...

I have been dating a married man for almost 6 years. He is Armenian. I am 25, he is older than him 45, but we do not feel this difference, we love each other madly. But many were promised to leave their wife, and mine immediately told me: “I love you very much, but I won’t get divorced, this will not happen in my life. Requires status. Friends and relatives will not understand ... ”It sounds terrible. Adult children, 19 and 18 years old, study in another city, are rarely at home and we have a wonderful relationship with them, they know that we are close to him, but we really want our child, really wants a daughter, he has 2 sons. Now we can say we live together, he spends the night with me, I cook breakfasts, see him off to work, come to dinner, come to my house in the evening ... From the outside, it seems to be wonderful, what more could you want. He is a respectable man, expensive gifts, holidays are also together, common meetings with his and my friends, cafes, concerts, outdoor recreation .... familiar with parents, relatives ... You ask, "Where is the wife?" That's the reason that it will last another 5 months like this, and then his missus will come and we will see each other at best 1-2 a week. And I really want a child, not from someone, but from him, and he wants it, but I'm very scared if I can endure everything. Once a month he goes to visit her in another city for one day, this day seems like torture to me, I have thoughts in my head that he will hug her, kiss her, sleep. HER 40! He arrives, I'm angry, I'm still moving away from this for 2 days. Maybe I'm overthinking myself. I do not know what to do. Help. Tell me how to be. Sometimes there is so much pain and jealousy inside that there is no strength to endure. How many times we quarreled, but we cannot live without each other. He says that even if I decide to leave him, these will only be words for him, because he will not let me in and will not “give” to another. And I really want him to be only mine ....

I am Russian, he is Armenian, he is married, older…: 29 comments

Sorry, of course, but I just want to say “Girl, where are you going?”. It will not be possible to destroy a Caucasian family, even if the husband and wife hate each other. Especially with such a difference in age - he suits you as a father. You didn’t even have to start these relationships, you probably knew that there were no prospects for them and never would be.

What to do now? I must say right away that there are two options: either you find the strength to leave him and start a new life over time, or you continue to be content with a secondary role, and, God forbid, give birth to a child and raise him without a father. And so on until the end of life. Do you need it? Decide for yourself, since you can see the possible options.

Thank you very much for responding and expressing your opinion, I understand everything with my mind, but my heart fails in my mind, there are feelings. It's not about the age difference, it doesn't matter to me or to anyone. All people close and familiar to us unanimously say that we have never met such a couple, these are isolated cases, such care, love, respect, compliance and understanding of each other. Yes, I won’t say that everything is always smooth, sometimes we quarrel so that it’s already a pillar of dust. both have character, but it takes an hour or two and peace reigns. I really understand that I won’t be able to go on like this all my life, but giving up everything, building these relationships brick by brick for so many years, is only to accept defeat, and I’m not one of those who give up. To leave him and begin to live in a new way over time, neither I nor he could have such a stage. As for the child, he is perfectly aware that he is responsible, that we are his second family, and even now he considers me his second family. He made me quit my prestigious job so that I would take care of the house, he dresses, he shoes, he buys home, everything is like in ordinary families, but here is the reason for the “first family” that he will not leave. At the expense of hatred for his wife, there is no such thing, she calls every day, like she controls him. But with regards to divorce in Caucasian families, yes, this is a single option, but his Armenian friend divorced his wife after living with her for a very long time.

It's not about the age difference, it doesn't matter to me or to anyone.

This is for you and should not matter. The value will rather be for his parents and relatives, because even if he suddenly gets divorced, they will not let him marry even a peer of a different nationality (a very rare, but possible case), and if the difference is 20 years, then there’s nothing to say about it, too strict rules. To be honest, he is unlikely to go against this, even if he suddenly somehow gets divorced.

You are good with him now. But are you looking to the future? What will it be like with him in 15-20 years? Now you're young, he's middle-aged, and he makes good money. After a while, you will still be still quite young, and he will be elderly, he will retire, there will be no chic life ... And if there are children, you need to raise them. Sooner or later, but it will happen, no matter how optimistic you are. So love is of course important, but still learn to look into reality a little - you are only 25, and there are still many chances for a truly happy life, the main thing is to understand this in time. Don't do something that you might regret very much in the future. Good luck.

Poor girl! Where is your head? I feel very, very sorry for you. Why did you join his family? It entered, and did not destroy, because. You can't destroy it no matter how much you want to. If for several years and brick by brick, as you write, you created these relationships, then how old were you at the time when you met him? Why did you leave your job? He will never leave his first family and will support his wife, children and all distant relatives, no matter what happens. But if he leaves you, he won't owe you anything. And you lost your job and lose your seniority. You are a toy for him, prestige, a young lover who can brag to his friends. His wife is not at home, it is necessary that someone prepare breakfast for him, see him off to work. By the way, do not think that your wife does not know about your existence, she is a Caucasian woman and for her it is in the order of things. As for the opinions of others, that you are a super perfect couple, this is probably the conversation of his friends. They can’t say anything else, they are still friends. I think that your family and friends are not happy with your relationship, because. They understand that there is no future for YOU in these relationships. Sorry if it's harsh...

And you lost your job and lose your seniority

No, I'm not losing experience. He documented me in his company and the experience is on. He thought about it.

You are a toy for him, prestige, a young lover who can boast to his friends. His wife is not at home, it is necessary that someone prepare breakfast for him, see him off to work.

I am not a toy for him, we have a completely different level of relations. These are our common friends with whom I communicate, as well as with their Armenian wives. At the expense of breakfast, he is independent and can cook himself, or it will not be difficult for him to go to his restaurant and eat. I enjoy doing this for him.

do not think that the wife does not know about your existence

I don't think she knows me by sight, and I know her. My relatives treat him very well, they see the relationship, how he takes care, treats me, shows attention ... my parents are very modern people and they perfectly understand that than a man who buys beer in buckets in stores, from whose mouth through the word mats , then it’s better to have a relationship with a worthy man who brings meaning and joy to my life, even if not for long, but I also want to be happy. I'm not saying that we have only drunk men, but it's very rare to find a decent Russian man.

why if his wife is a Caucasian woman she is in the order of things. yes, in the rest, Elena, you are absolutely right, I don’t understand why all women of Caucasian nationality suffer betrayal of their husbands

Probably they “set” themselves that the husbands do not care about what she knows or not.

You have chosen such “happiness” for yourself, you understood what awaits you. So what do you want? he will not leave his family for you, so either try to leave or endure.

He has no parents, they died a long time ago. His brother divorced and remarried. He maintains a relationship with his first wife, but there were no children in his first marriage.

Ariadne, you always need to know what you're getting into. The Caucasian family cannot be destroyed. They have their own foundations, their own traditions, etc. Well, since love ... especially 6 years, let's say such a decent period ... And I want to note that if there weren’t these partings because of his wife, then this crazy love would also be gone, because it would turn into calm ordinary love, which is found in stable marriages and family relationships.

He arrives, I'm angry, I'm still moving away from this for 2 days. Maybe I'm overthinking myself.

You are winding yourself up. His relationship with his wife is clearly not the same. There is a tribute to family traditions.

Tell me how to be. Sometimes there is so much pain and jealousy inside that there is no strength to endure.

As I understand it, you still won’t leave him, no matter how you are advised here. So just REALIZE. If there are children, the situation may change.

I agree, it's hard to share a loved one with another family, but if he is the only one ... then you will share.

Thank you, Margot, huge for simply human understanding. I'm just so used to the fact that now we are together almost all our free time, we live like a normal family, that he is mine and only mine. But after a while, a period will come when the wife will return and the house will be empty without him, and secret and furtive meetings, which even now sometimes I cry furtively. As for the child, his eyes glow and he himself, when he talks about her (daughter), imagines how he will spoil her ... maybe everything will change with her appearance.

Don't worry. Armenians do not abandon their children. Of course, I am against bigamy!

Yes, nothing will change, he initially did not care about you since he doomed you to the fate of an eternal lover. It is convenient for him and he has everything and a stable family and hot intimate relationships, which can no longer be in a family with such experience.

So he won’t start a new family at that age, and it’s easy to find a partner for sex.

even if you give birth to a daughter, his adult children, his wife, will turn away from him, he will lose them, and your passion will subside very quickly if there is no extreme.

So he loses more than he gains, it makes no sense.

Your relationship has no future. He is with you as long as you have no problems. You are very convenient for him - young, with an apartment (if you didn’t have an apartment, your romance would hardly take place), tied, in love, sitting at home, not working; you go out into the world only with him. I do not think that he easily lets you go to parties with friends or to a reunion of graduates, for example. Very soon you will no longer like being his property, especially when he lives with his wife and visits you once a week. To all your reproaches there will be the same answer - I told you that I would never get divorced. If a child suddenly appears, there will be problems, your lonely sleepless nights, tasks - take them to the doctor, to the store, to your mother. Does he need it? It is much easier to find another young and trouble-free one, plant them at home and give gifts. After 2-3 years, one of his sons will marry (necessarily an Armenian woman that the family will find) and give him a grandson or granddaughter. Here he will pamper his grandson. As for getting married, not getting married. Similar topics have been discussed many times on this forum. Many women wait for years, and their lovers promise to leave the family. Yours does not promise or consider this possibility at all. Another concern of yours is that he may be sleeping with his wife. Do you really think not? They are spouses, especially since she is only 40 years old and they will live together.

(if you didn’t have an apartment, your romance would hardly take place)

No, this is not true, he is not interested in the material question at all. He is a wealthy person in all respects, and so am I.

take me to the doctor, to the store, to my mother

He still does it. Remarkably communicates with my family and friends and not the first year. Don't think that he just comes for sex. We live together like a normal family. The question here was different.

I lay down under the chock, there is no such understanding and forgiveness

What does lay down mean? Or if an Armenian, then a chock? Yes, our Russian peasants still grow and grow before him. Is he not human? Or do you mean to say that you are somehow better than him? If you do not have understanding and forgiveness, then you should not write and insult at all. Good luck.

He is not a chock, he is an Armenian. you envy those whom you call chocks and despise. What difference does it make who a person is by nationality. and you seem to have a lot of complexes. people love each other and that's the main thing

David, you're a jerk too.

Dear Ariadne! I looked through all the correspondence and I got the impression that you want to hear (read) only what you want. All the talk that there is no future, that over the years it will be more and more difficult for you to play the role of a mistress, that you will be jealous of him not only for his wife, but also for any more or less pretty and young employee of his own restaurant (you yourself must know how southern men, and even more so with money, are loving), you miss it. first after his marriage), then he can easily find another one. Not to mention the girls for an hour in the bath with friends.

You write that his parents are dead. But Caucasian families are very friendly. His family is also the family of his wife with her numerous relatives. What about the family business? Do not think that everything he achieved in life, he achieved himself. Surely there was help from a large family. And now, for your sake, he suddenly destroys all the foundations and goes into conflict with his family? never in my life!

You drive reality away from yourself and try to convince yourself that everything will be fine. If you accept his rules of the game in the “second family” for 6 years, then he does not need to change anything in his life. He will jump from bed to bed - from yours to his wife, from his wife to you. But it is your life and it is in your hands. The only thing that is not clear in this situation is why did you have to start “love” with a 40-year-old married man at the age of 19? It is strange that your parents, relatives, are satisfied with this connection. Or does it seem that way to you? Have you ever thought about his wife's feelings? Imagine for a second that your dad found a mistress of your age and would live with her as a second family, how would you or your mother feel about this? This is how his children treat you and will never forgive him for the birth of another child on the side. And he understands this very well. And you will be fooling your head for a long time, until you yourself get tired of listening to these tales.

Thank you for your point of view. I am pleased that people are trying to help and understand everything, and not just read while remaining indifferent. Natalie, I understand that you have the opinion that I want to hear what I want. No, this is wrong. Here, many express their opinion and I try to answer everyone and explain the reality. Indeed, in each relationship there are troubles, and I tell those events that occur with us. After all, people know the "skeleton" of the relationship between a lover and a mistress. But trust me, every situation is different.

Do not think that everything he achieved in life, he achieved himself.

No matter how trite it may sound, but really he himself, his brother also helped. Yes, it was not easy, but there was no help from the family. And there was nowhere to wait.

why did you have to make love at the age of 19 with a 40 year old married man?

And who told you that I was going to. You yourself perfectly understand that when love comes, it does not ask for anything.

This is how his children treat you and will never forgive him for the birth of another child on the side.

His children calmly come to our house, call and tell how they are doing, not forgetting to ask about ours. They were children of 10-11 years old, when their mother left and drove off to Moscow, it’s not clear why the hell for a few months, and dad took care of everything - he fed, watered, taught lessons, took him to school and at the same time was not alive grandparents and no one helped. And since then, their relationship is not a "fountain". Yes, over time, everything becomes dull, but it remains in memory.

Thank you Natalie for your point of view.

Bosch! kakuju she nado imet’ nizkuju samoozenku 4tob svjazatsja v 19 let s 40 (!) letnim mushikom! ty tolko iz etix otnoshenij i 4erpajesh uverennost' v sebe. ina4e b ty ne bojalas’ zavodit’ otnoshenija s molodym parnem. ty prosto boishsja 4to takogo ne potjanesh. a etot i starshe i shenat (on mnogogo ne trebujet tak kak shenat i nastolko starshe, on i tomu 4to est rad) - budet i dalshe begat’ k tebe popolzovatsja, a ty 4uvstvovat’ sebja vostrebovannoj.

Dear Verchik. Have you taken on too much? What does low self-esteem mean? You do not know me, then who gave you the right to say that I have low self-esteem? Or do you think that at the age of 40, these are pensioners? You are deeply mistaken. He looks very young, athletic, fit.

ne bojalas’ zavodit’ otnoshenija s molodym parnem

Believe me, but I know relationships with young guys who are looking for girls with a bigger pocket. Thank you, that's enough, I know, but I'm not going to feed and water him when he sits and everything suits him. And at the expense of "pull" - do not worry, she pulled and did not complain.

As for exactingness, it requires 100 times more. Do not forget that we LIVE TOGETHER, and do not meet for sexual needs.

Do you also allow Armenians to enter you?

Hello Ariadne! If your relationship with your loved one is really the way you write, then probably many can envy you - you are loved, loved, surrounded by affection and care. Then take everything as it is, without hoping for drastic changes. You are a smart woman and you understand that no stamp in your passport guarantees eternal love and fidelity. Life puts everything in its place. If you want a child, then why don't you give birth to him from your loved one in 2-3 years? Many of my acquaintances single women at the age of 30 began to give birth to children from married lovers, "for themselves." Children, unfortunately, do not see and do not know dads, but women are happy. If your man loves you, then your child will love you too. The only danger is that if he suddenly turns out to be a scoundrel and leaves you (from this, as you understand, you are not insured), then you and your child will be left without a livelihood, without work. Another question is, what if, after parting with you, he wants pick up your child? In your situation, I would consider this. In general, I wish you good luck and patience. And do not pay attention to the rudeness and insults that narrow-minded people write on the site.

Thanks a lot, Natalie. It is very nice to hear reasonable words.

suddenly after breaking up with you, he wants to take his child?

This will not happen, my family will never let him do it. He knows perfectly well that for me, too, there is someone who will stand up to victory. Yes, and he is not a scoundrel. He treats my family and friends very well. Yes, and he will not have so many rights, although money does everything in this world. But I don’t even want to think about it, I believe that this will not happen in our relations. Thanks again for the advice and support.

Dear Ariadne, you still won’t be able to part with him, it’s better to give birth from a loved one. (and what a beautiful baby) and know that the child will be in abundance, than to marry anyone, (drunks, lazy, gigolos) God forbid you get divorced and you will wait for alimony. I understand that he is very caring, we have such a few, you are still lucky. Do not listen to evil tongues here, what difference does it make if you are an Armenian or not, as long as the person is good.

Ariadne, I don’t know how your story was resolved, I just stumbled upon it by accident and I can’t help but comment. The situation is one to one, my man is also Armenian, the age difference is 20 years. I'm 27, he's 47. He really has two daughters. We worked together, love arose ... I was 24 then, he was 44 years old. We now have a 9 month old daughter. He communicates with his wife and with his daughters too. But he lives with me. The decision was made by him .. when I closed the door in front of him and put him in front of a choice .. though I was already in a position at that time. P.s if love is real, no one can prevent ... people from being together. Happiness to you.)))))

Everything can work out for you if you can keep each other ... yes .. maybe he won’t leave his wife .. but he can stay with you quite well ... do you need a glazing bead in your passport ?!

I know a lot of Armenians, aged and not very old .. who live in this way of life all their lives .. and not only Armenians ...