In the process of communication, people come into contact. The German psychologist K. Bühler defined contact as the “mutual orientation” of partners and the “process of coordinated changes” in their behavior. The unit of such a process can be considered the exchange of communicative “messages”, or “communicants”: sign to sign - back and forth.

In the psychological literature, this exchange (words of silence, glances, or turning away from each other) is called a “transaction.”

So any contact, including the most positive dialogue, is formally designated as a series of transactions.

Every act of individual behavior in science is conventionally divided into four phases: motivation to action; clarification by the individual of the action situation; the action itself; curtailment of action.

If in the process of communication it is too early to curtail an action, since the impulse for it has not disappeared, the individual returns to the second phase: he re-clarifies the situation that has already been changed by his previous action, then again moves on to the third phase - to a new action, etc. Communication for a subject is nothing more than a specific act of behavior. The phases of the act of behavior are as follows: -

focus on the partner (for some reason he becomes the object of attention and upcoming action); -

mental reflection of the partner, since he is the main thing in the situation of action; -

informing a partner about something and receiving feedback from him; -

disconnection from partner if incentives contact with him disappeared.

Since partners in communication do not act in contact in isolation from each other but together, the first phase of the communicative act can be called the phase of mutual direction, the second - mutual reflection, the third - the phase of mutual information, the fourth - the phase of mutual exclusion. These phases can be traced in both fluent and extended contacts.

The phase of mutual direction - the emergence of an attitude towards external communication among partners

In the mutual reflection phase, communication partners accept each other’s actual roles (character traits). Otherwise, this can be called “role exchange.”

The phase of mutual information is a form of role playing. In this phase, mutual reflection continues. Communication partners accept each other's roles more and more clearly.

Interconnection phase - communication partners bow away from each other.

A role is a functional unit of the communication process in people. It can be external communication (communicative act) or internal (thinking, consciousness, self-awareness, etc.).

Let's consider the positions of partners in contact.

Experience shows that each of the partners can occupy one of the four above-mentioned role positions in contact (point of view, opinion on some issue).

Position of non-participation. The participants in the communication were not noticed and did not hear each other. More precisely, they pretended that they didn’t notice and didn’t hear. After all, the signs that one of the interlocutors gives when taking such a position are also communicants.

The other three positions are clearly understood by the prominent theater theorist P.M. Ershov. He identified them by reflecting on the phenomena of interaction between actors on stage. These are “extension above”, “extension below”, “extension next to”.

The American psychologist and psychiatrist E. Berne approached the contact positions differently, but it seems. From his point of view, in every person there are three “I”: Child (dependent, subordinate irresponsible being); Parent (independent and taking responsibility) and Adult (able to take into account the situation, understand others and distribute responsibility between himself and them).

Speaking in the position of the Child, a person looks subordinate and unsure of himself (“an extension from below” according to P.M. Ershov); in the position of the Parent - self-confidently aggressive (“from above”); in the position of an Adult - correct and restrained (“nearby”). Then the manner of behavior can, to a first approximation, be described as follows: who, in what position, is more likely to act - in a child’s, a parent’s or an adult’s? .

The role position occupied by one of the contact partners is highly informative for the other. Nothing may have been said yet, but the process of “co-changing” behavior has already begun. And they - if we ignore the generalized definition of the German psychologist K. Bühler - are not in all cases “coordinated” [8]. They are agreed upon only when one of the partners is ready to accept the position defined for him by the other partner.

Signs (communicators) expressing the partner’s role position can be explicit or hidden. If the role positions of the partners are agreed upon, their transaction gives both a feeling of satisfaction, positive emotion is “packed” in advance into a communicator to the delight of the partner, then such a communicator E. Berne calls “stroking.” When positions are coordinated, no matter what the interlocutors talk about, they exchange strokes. The deprivation of reciprocal stroking already affects a person; if, contrary to his expectations, they also attach themselves to him “from above,” this causes anger. A communicator with a “filling” that provokes a negative reaction from a partner is called a “prick”.

No conflicts

Position of interlocutors and partners at tables various types

Position of partners during sexual intercourse

In our discussion of sexual relations, it is appropriate to include the question of the position of partners during sexual intercourse.

There are six common basic positions called: man on top, man on bottom, side position, man behind, sitting position, standing position.

Available various options these provisions, but they are not as effective as the main ones.

For example, you can combine the “man from below” position with the “from behind” position. However, the “rear position”, i.e. when the woman leans on her knees and hands, and the man stands behind on his knees and covers her hips with his hands, is more preferable, because gives him the opportunity to caress his partner’s breasts or stimulate the clitoris.

Similarly, the “sitting position” can be combined with the “back” position, but since in normal position“sitting” a man and a woman facing each other, it will be comfortable, because allows you to kiss your partner's breasts or give her the opportunity to lean forward for closer contact of the genitals, which can even lead to contact of the penis with the clitoris.

Considering the choice of position as a purely individual decision, one cannot help but mention the “lateral position”, which brings a lot of intimacy into the act. In this position, the man lies on his left side and the woman on her right. Right leg the woman's is between her partner's legs, and the left is bent at the knee, raised up and lies across his right thigh. No other position allows for such close contact as the side position. At the same time, the man has the opportunity to kiss the woman’s breasts and lips by slightly changing his position, however, for a couple who loves a fast rhythm, this position is unacceptable, and is preferable only for those who prefer a slow rhythm and deep contact.

“Man on top” is a position that many couples adhere to; it allows them to maintain a fast rhythm. Many experts argue that a man in this position cannot support his weight while on his elbows, due to the fact that many women like a man to wrap his arms around them, press his chest to his partner’s chest, while simultaneously exchanging passionate kisses. Nevertheless, the man in this case must obey the wishes of his partner.

In order to facilitate the entrance of the penis into the vagina or allow it to penetrate deeper, a woman in the “man on top” position can wrap her legs around her partner’s waist or, bending her knees, hug him above the waist. Comfort can also be achieved by placing a pillow under the woman's back, especially if she is tall or too short.

The main advantage of the “man from below” position is that in this position the initiative belongs to the woman, which allows her to fully satisfy herself, at the same time, this position requires less activity from the man, who is less tense at this time.

"Rear position" is probably more rarely used. This position, especially in combination with the “sitting position” gives good results when partners have big bellies. Despite the fact that in this position the partner's hands are free, and they allow him to caress his wife, there is less intimate warmth in it than in a position in which the partners are facing each other.

The “sitting position” is the most common and is used for the comfort of partners, if necessary, as well as for the variety of marital intimacy, in which case it can be effectively transformed if not the man, but the woman, sits in a low chair or on a sofa. Leaning back and throwing her legs over the shoulders of her kneeling partner, she allows deep and intimate contact between the genitals.

The “standing position,” in which, for comfort, the woman should stand on some kind of elevation so that the partner does not have to bend his knees, is used only when necessary and is practiced mainly when there is no favorable conditions for intercourse.

It must be emphasized that all the described provisions are modified by partners due to their individual abilities, the conditions in which sexual intercourse is carried out, etc. The same position, for example, can be carried out differently with different women: thinner buttocks, which little change the appearance of a woman, can lead to a significant change in the required position during sexual intercourse. Likewise, the slope of the forehead bone or the thickness of the covering muscles can make it completely easier or more difficult for the penis to contact the clitoris. Different women have different locations of the clitoris and vagina, and different angles of their inclination. Obviously, full buttocks lift a woman's pelvis higher and make the vaginal opening more accessible. On the other hand, this advantage may be negated due to the sharper angle of the vagina, etc.

Thus, a position that is comfortable with one woman may be completely unacceptable with another. The same can be said about men.

That is why it is important that each couple find a comfortable position in which both partners feel free.

This condition is necessary for successful implementation sexual intercourse.