One of the most common difficulties is having to turn people down. And although situations often arise at work in which, due to your professional responsibilities, you simply cannot say “no,” other circumstances will arise from day to day that provide you with a certain freedom of choice. How to exercise your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?

Think about it this way: by not saying “no” at the right time, you will put the other person's needs before your own. Is this what you really want? There are many situations at work when your needs are no less important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of your colleagues. Remember how often your colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about someone being upset if you behave in the same way?

The real problem is that saying “yes” all the time can easily become a habit, and changing a ingrained behavior pattern is really difficult. Remember your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Similarly, your colleagues, having become accustomed to your dependability, will most likely begin to turn to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to requests at work will lead you to overwhelm, because you take on more than you can do or what you really should do. This leads to stress, frustration, hostility, conflict and mistakes, and it only gets worse over time.

So, saying no when you feel like it is an important skill to master. You will probably have situations where you want to help someone, even if it is inconvenient for you. Remember: it means respecting your needs and rights as much as the rights of others, and agreeing to compromise when necessary.

Take things gradually and don't try to do everything at once. Try one new skill and hone it until you get it right. Be prepared for the fact that not everything will work out right away. You want to learn new skills, and there are always ups and downs in the process of learning something new.

Many people don’t like to say “no,” believing that the only way to do it is outright refusal. This “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. Are you trying to establish good relationship with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. This means you must be able to say no, but in a way that shows respect for the other person's needs. Eat different ways refuse, which depend on the situation. Here are three main options.

Direct refusal- the most uncompromising method, and it is rarely suitable for use at work. It is most often resorted to when someone's rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: “Can’t you hear, I said no.”

Please provide additional information or a promise “some other time”- an opportunity for discussion, while refusal remains among the possible options.

Thoughtful "no"- the most delicate way, because you show that you have listened to your interlocutor.

Below I will explain in detail what each of these options is, but the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude towards it and who is making the request, because this could be your mentor, your direct manager, a colleague or a team member who you really care about. want to help.

Don’t try to radically and suddenly change your behavior. This is especially true for refusals, as you may shock colleagues who were not expecting the leopard to suddenly change its color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.

9 ways to say no

Do you need to learn to say “no”? Certainly! This skill needs to be developed until you feel free and confident. Many people feel uneasy when they imagine having to say no. But in fact, it is not difficult if you realize how stupid it is to waste your own life on the whims of others.

Is it possible to learn to refuse?

Of course it is possible. This is a feasible task for any person. But in order for the refusal to sound unshakable, it is necessary to speak firmly and confidently. Then there will be no awkwardness and feelings of guilt, you will be able to refuse without offending.

Our whole life is communication. People interact with each other, support and help. But sometimes a situation arises when the only the right way out- is to refuse a request. This is where the problems begin. How to refuse? Is it necessary to refuse at all or is it worth putting other people’s interests above your own? How to get rid of the feeling that you didn't lend a helping hand? There are many reasons for concern.

Why are we afraid to say no?

External reasons are different, but the root of the problem lies in the fact that a person has an internal imbalance, because he had to be refused help. This conflict negatively affects the emotional state and causes moral discomfort. First of all, you need to realize that you are not the epicenter of why your friend is in a difficult situation. It's not your fault that he needs help.

To prevent refusal from bringing internal disharmony, it is necessary to determine the motivation why you do not want to fulfill the request and evaluate how objective it is. This is the first step to victory. The next stage will be to learn ways and tricks on how to politely refuse your interlocutor and not offend him.

If the person is unfamiliar

How to refuse? In this case, there is no need to worry at all. Simply say “no” if the request makes you uncomfortable. To reduce the risk that further relationships will be severed, it is worthwhile to clearly and distinctly voice the reasons for your refusal. Strong arguments - best way maintain friendly communication. For example, “I can’t do you a favor because I’m busy at work.” If the person continues to insist, there is no need to make excuses, just repeat a firm “no” again.

This article will tell you in an accessible form how to decisively, but at the same time competently, accurately and politely refuse a person who asks you for some favor...

Not long ago I watched the film with Jim Carrey “Yes Man” (2008 release). The plot revolved around the idea that you need to overcome yourself, say “Yes” to everyone and everything will be like this -

But in practice, it seems to me, the problem is exactly the opposite - many people feel uneasy at the mere thought that they will have to REFUSE someone. They constantly joke that “it’s easier to give in than to explain why “no”, etc.

In fact, it is possible to master this skill. But I’ll say even more than that - you NEED to master it, because if you don’t know how to say “no,” then you will NEVER become a truly free person, fully realized, do what YOU need, AND NOT OTHERS. You will be doomed to do things that DO NOT concern you, while being angry with others and with yourself, repeating like a mantra the cherished words of all the compromisers: “well, this is definitely the last time...”

So, let's stop being trouble-free “like a Mosin rifle made in 1891” - in front of you there are 6 quite simple ways STRONGLY, CONVINCINGLY and DECISIVELY, but at the same time POLITELY, TACTICALLY, and WITHOUT VIOLENCE ON YOURSELF say “NO”:

METHOD ONE – STRAIGHT LINEAR “NO”

The first thing that comes to mind is to directly tell your interlocutor “NO” and explain the reason for the refusal.

In fact, there is no need to “explain” at all. If you stand there and come up with the “true reason for the refusal,” then it will be immediately obvious - your behavior will look insincere and far-fetched...

Wouldn't it be better to just say no, without making up stories or lying along the way? A direct, simple “no” is completely self-sufficient, convincing and understandable.

Try this recipe - just don't add anything to your refusal.

Of course, there is no need to be rude. You can use soft formulations:

If this is not enough for your interlocutor, he begins to resort to various manipulations and tricks, then you can try to use the so-called “BROKEN PLATE TECHNIQUE”, the essence of which is to repeat the same phrase several times - in our case, a short refusal :

Under no circumstances should you react to provocations! They must be patiently listened to and waited out. Even if one form of “persuasion” replaces another, you cannot ask questions, clarify anything or object - only listen silently and repeat your “no!”

The technique considered is especially effective in relation to assertive and/or aggressive people, as it deprives them of the opportunity to exert their strength, and, consequently, the opportunity to continue persuasion.

METHOD TWO - EMPATHY “NO”

Here is the “softest” answer to the question “ How to politely refuse someone?», main principle which consists of thoughtful, attentive listening to the interlocutor. You need to show that you understand his problems with all your heart and sympathize with him. But at the end, you add your refusal to fulfill the request.

You can use the following opt-out options:

At the same time, you may also not indicate the reason for the refusal, especially if your compassion looks quite convincing.

This technique is especially effective with people who want to arouse pity and play on your feelings. And, of course, to those who just wanted attention, sympathy and support...

METHOD THREE - REASONABLE “NO”

If there is a compelling enough reason for your refusal, then you can, of course, voice it. In this case, there is no need to be clever - just use this simple formula: “I can’t do this because ... (the reason is stated below)”

You can also use special refusal methods, for example, the “three reasons” method. The formula for this rather weighty and convincing technique sounds like this: “Sorry, but I can’t do this for three reasons... (these reasons are stated below)”

The main thing in this technique is not to get carried away with unnecessary details. It is important that the interlocutor does not get lost in your arguments and grasps the very essence of your message.

Use this technique possible in both informal and formal settings. It will be especially appropriate when communicating with your bosses, older people, etc.

METHOD FOUR - DELAYED “NO”

If the methods described above are too decisive for you, if you are used to automatically agreeing with everything and have completely forgotten how to refuse, the method of DELAYING THE ANSWER may be suitable for you. This way you will gain time and be able to turn to other people for advice. how to politely refuse someone etc.

This technique is also well suited for those who are heavily loaded with work (and, accordingly, cannot correctly assess their labor reserves), who excessively doubt themselves and their actions, as well as those who are accustomed to constantly and carefully analyze all their actions.

The essence of the technique is to ask for time to think about the request:

This way, you won’t have to bend your heart. You just need to ask for some time-out, which will protect you from many rash decisions. Just try not to leave "enemy of maneuver" room for further discussion at this point in time!

Such techniques work great with persistent, assertive people who do not tolerate any objections at all.

METHOD FIFTH – “NO” BY 50% or COMPROMISE “NO”

Sometimes you would agree to help your interlocutor, but not 100%, right? Then you can invite him to negotiate the terms. But here it is important to be extremely precise - what you will do and what you won’t:

If your opponent is not happy with the conditions, then you can safely refuse help!

METHOD SIX – “NO” IN THINGS or DIPLOMATIC “NO”

Sometimes you just need to invite your interlocutor to negotiations. Then it will be convenient to refuse him on certain points, and it will be much easier to find a mutually acceptable option.

This technique is suitable when ready-made solution You don’t have a problem, and you would like to find it together: “Come on, I’ll try to help you in a different way? How – I haven’t decided yet... Let’s think about it together?”

You can also invite a third party (specialist, expert, your friend and ally) for cooperation...

HOW TO MASTER THESE TECHNIQUES?

As you can see, if you need politely refuse a person– there is plenty to choose from. But simply reading this material is completely insufficient.

Therefore, put them into practice as often as possible so that these useful skills simply become a habit!

The Spanish philosopher Gracian Baltazar once said that “he who belongs to everyone cannot belong to himself.”

Think about it. And understand that it is vital to develop the skill described above, since you cannot answer affirmatively to any request - after all, this WILL LEAD YOU TO A SITUATION in which WILL NOT BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR ACTIONS NOBODY ! Do you need it?

Somehow, you have to figure out for yourself whether you really want to do this. You can only respond to an offer if you have clearly decided whether you need it or not. Tell yourself: “No, I don’t need this!”

Say no to your interlocutor. Don't be afraid to offend a person. If you do everything right, there will be no resentment or obvious anger. Give reasons for your refusal. Give why you cannot or do not want to fulfill the request. When speaking, use the pronoun “I” more often. Speak clearly without confusion. No, just give reasons!

State the reason for the refusal. The reason can be either real or fictitious. However, remember that it must be understandable to the interlocutor. He must agree with you and accept your refusal. Don't be rude or harsh. Speak calmly, direct your gaze to the bridge of the interlocutor’s nose. A shifting gaze and uncertainty can make it clear to your interlocutor that you feel uncomfortable, and he will put pressure on you.

Refuse by doing . When refusing, say something nice to your interlocutor. For example, you could say: " Great idea, But…". The person must understand that you want to fulfill his request and, if not for the circumstances, you would definitely fulfill it.

Repeat your refusal. Psychologists say that a person needs to hear a refusal three times before he understands that it is no longer possible to obtain consent. Be. Respond to all persuasion with a firm refusal. Be calm and control yourself.

Train with friends. Ask a friend to pester you with a request. Refuse him. Ask him to point out your shortcomings and mistakes when refusing: a shifting gaze, an uncertain voice,... Over time, rejection will become much easier for you.

Useful advice

Remember: when you refuse a person, you are not deliberately offending him, but doing what you need.

Sources:

• Encyclopedia of practical psychology

Instructions

You should start with something simple - recognize that there is a problem. Without this, it will be impossible to change the situation. Try to understand how selfless your relationship is. If you analyze, it is not difficult to see the motives that motivate your friend, loved one or colleague.

Try to identify moments that seem suspicious to you, and then gently and tactfully approach them in some detail. After this, observe his reaction. If a person does not pay special attention no matter what happened, your relationship is not in danger. But if a person shows and tries to get something from you again, it’s better to prepare yourself in advance for a quick breakup

Are you familiar with situations when you are asked to do something and you agree, although your inner voice resists and advises you to do the opposite. Probably yes, if you are reading this article. This problem is very common in our society and not only among timid and anxious people, but also among brave and self-confident people. Why is it so difficult to refuse? What is this behavior based on? What guides a person at this moment: feelings or reason? And, most importantly, how to learn to say “no”?

Why are we afraid to refuse people's requests?

1. Quite often, the roots of the problem lie in strict upbringing.. Children whose authoritarian parents completely suppress their will always obey unconditionally or begin to protest against everything around them. In the first case, they take out adult life the habit of listening and fulfilling the requests of others.
2. Fear of ruining relationships. And the closer and more significant these relationships are, the more often we agree to fulfill requests. Thoughts usually swirl in my head: “What will he think of me? What if he considers me unreliable (unreliable)? Will he communicate with me after this?” Usually the anxiety and discomfort caused by such experiences are stronger than the desire to refuse, and we agree.
3. Fear of losing existing opportunities. Many are afraid of losing what they have and they consider any refusals a threat to their position.
4. The need to feel self-worth. “If they turn to me, it means that I am needed and important,” such a person thinks, and this greatly warms his soul. Quite often these strings are played by manipulators. “Perhaps no one can handle this except you” or “I can only entrust this matter to you” - this is how they formulate their request, and the person falls for their bait.
5. Fear of loneliness. People may fear that if they refuse a request, they will be rejected and left alone.
6. Delicacy, politeness. If these qualities are overdeveloped, and a person is accustomed to sacrificing his interests for the sake of others, then saying “no” seems to be an extremely difficult task for him. Although, even being very loyal and responsive, some people know how to gracefully refuse a request.
7. Desire to avoid conflict. On the one hand, this is the fear of causing indignation in the interlocutor (relative, friend, colleague, boss). On the other hand, there are difficulties in defending your opinion.

Why is it so important to learn to refuse and say “no”

What are the consequences of not being able to say “no” and constantly providing favors to other people?

• By regularly responding to requests, you deplete your internal resources, especially if you do it against your own will. , nervous breakdowns, apathy can be consequences of this.

For example, you are burdened with additional unpaid work, you constantly stay late, and come home tired. Of course, this negatively affects health, mood and family relationships.

• Afraid of seeming impolite and callous and constantly agreeing to everything that you are persuaded to do, you end up looking in the eyes of others as spineless and unable to defend your “I”.
• By doing what other people ask you to do over and over again, you can relax them. By demonstrating constant reliability, you encourage their vices and weaknesses: laziness, selfishness, a tendency to consume, a desire to evade responsibility, and others.

For example, a friend regularly asks you to borrow money because she doesn’t know how to “live within her means,” correctly calculate her expenses and quickly spend all her savings. By fulfilling her request, you increasingly allow her to plunge into the abyss of financial problems and an irresponsible attitude towards money. Wouldn't it be better to talk openly with your friend about this and try to help her change her approach to life?

• You regularly sacrifice your interests, affairs, time, fulfilling the will of others. You may even stop developing spiritually, giving all your strength to it.

For example, a neighbor asks you to babysit her child all day and evening every Saturday. You agree by refusing to go to the gym or visit your parents. At the same time, you know that she has relatives who probably will not approve of her regular meetings with friends and parties. That’s why she turns to you, but you cannot competently refuse, because you feel sorry for the baby and sincerely want to help.

• Realizing that you are constantly being taken advantage of, you yourself begin to have a negative attitude towards these people and avoid communicating with them.

How to say “no” and be able to politely refuse a person

So, you need to correctly refuse a request in situations where:

• they use you and constantly contact you;
• indeed, there is no time, no opportunity (for various reasons) to do what is asked;
• you are very tired;
• what they want from you is at odds with your views, principles, and values.

The first stage on the path to developing the ability to say “no” is admitting that you really have a problem with this, you want to solve it and learn to refuse.

Then analyze situations where you did not want to comply with a request, but were unable to say “no”. How do they affect your life? To which negative consequences bring? The result of the analysis should be a persistent dislike of one’s dependability and the desire to get rid of it.

After this, you need to move on to action and reinforce a valuable skill in behavior. You need to start with training at home with the possible involvement of loved ones or a friend.

How to politely refuse to communicate with someone

1. Practice saying “no” in front of the mirror. Imagine a request from someone around you, formulate a refusal phrase. Say it until you like the sound of it and until you feel confident and firm in your voice. You can ask your family to play out this situation with you. After your workout, notice how you feel.
2. It is important to put aside your fears that others will be offended, stop communicating with you, reject you, or cause a scandal if you refuse them. Surely most of your acquaintances (relatives, friends, colleagues) asking for something are adequate people who are able to understand that you also have your own affairs and needs and you cannot do it now.
3. Make it a rule: when you are asked for something, wait a while before saying “yes”, because often consent is given out of habit, automatically. A pause will help you collect your thoughts, weigh key points, cope with anxiety.
4. Always make eye contact when you say no. This shows your confidence and firm decision. Unintelligible phrases and glances “past” the interlocutor are perceived as consent, albeit reluctant.
5. Start small - at first refuse minor requests, for example, to lend money or meet with a friend.
6. When refusing, speak on your own behalf, use the pronoun “I”: “Unfortunately, I can’t help you,” “I don’t feel comfortable doing this,” etc.
7. Don't use excuses, it reduces respect for you. The refusal should sound firm, but calm.
8. Always listen to the person before you say no. This way you will show respect for him and will have time to find the right words yourself.
9. Be sure to explain your refusal to the person, tell him why you cannot fulfill the request. This will help maintain mutual understanding between you.
10. Voice your feelings, for example: “Of course, I’m upset (sad) that I won’t be able to help best friend(to a friend).”
11. Help with advice, express your opinion on how this situation can be resolved or who is best to contact to fulfill the request.
12. How to properly refuse a job if you are being overloaded additional tasks? You can choose the following phrase: “I cannot fulfill these duties, since everything is spent on the project I am working on.” working hours” or “I can’t stay late at work, because I have to devote this time to my family.”

Love and respect yourself. You must be sure that having personal time and valuables is your legal right. And always remember that refusal is not a disregard for the interests of another person, but the need to make him understand that the request cannot be fulfilled “here and now.”

Practical advice and examples from life. Why is it so important to learn to say no?