The best quotes and aphorisms of Faina Ranevskaya. Irony as an “analgesic” of mental pain

“The pearls I’m wearing in the first act must be real,” demands the aspiring actress. “Everything will be real,” Ranevskaya reassures her, “pearls in the first act, and poison in the last.”
- Today I killed 5 flies: two males and three females. - How did you determine this? “Two were sitting on a beer bottle, and three were on a mirror,” explained Faina Georgievna.
“Old age,” said Ranevskaya, “is the time when candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half of the urine goes for tests.”
- My life is terribly sad. And you want me to stick a lilac bush in my ass and do a striptease in front of you.
(Looking at the hole in her skirt) Nothing can hold back the pressure of beauty! Critiques are Amazons in menopause.
..Sick of the theater. Country toilet. It's a shame to end your life in a toilet.
Anna Akhmatova once asked Faina Ranevskaya: “Please tell me, why did you need to drive all the tanks over the chest of an old, poor woman?”
My God, how life has slipped by, I have never even heard nightingales sing.
God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men.
My God! How quickly life flashed by! And I didn’t even hear the nightingales sing.
In Moscow, you can go out into the street dressed as God willing, and no one will pay attention. In Odessa, my cotton dresses cause widespread confusion - this is discussed in hairdressing salons, dental clinics, trams, and private homes. Everyone is upset by my monstrous “stinginess” - because no one believes in poverty.
In a letter to Faina Ranevskaya, Lyubov Orlova, already aged, wrote: “I thought for a long time how vile and outrageous. After all, you and I did not beg for the roles that the theater feeds. We behaved incorrectly, we should have yelled, made a fuss, complained to the Ministry. But...We don't have the same characters. Dignity does not allow.”
Memories are the riches of old age.
I've been swimming in the toilet butterfly style my whole life.
Do you know, honey, what shit is? So it’s like jam compared to my life.
You won’t believe it, Faina Georgievna, but no one has ever kissed me except my groom. - “Are you bragging, my dear, or are you complaining?”
Looking at the hole in your skirt: Nothing can hold back the pressure of beauty!
They say that this performance is not successful with the audience? “Well, that’s putting it mildly,” Ranevskaya noted. - I called the box office yesterday and asked when the show started. - And what? - They answered me: “When will it be convenient for you?”
The money is eaten up, but the shame remains. (About his work in cinema)
It has always been and remains a mystery to me: how could great actors play with mediocre artists from whom there was nothing to catch - not even a runny nose? / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
Think and say whatever you want about me. Where have you seen a cat that was interested in what mice had to say about it?
The soul is not an ass. He can't take a shit.
If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.
If I, yielding to requests, began to write about myself, it would be a plaintive book - “Fate is a whore.”
If a woman walks with her head down, she has a lover! If a woman walks with her head held high, she has a lover! If a woman keeps her head straight, she has a lover! And in general - if a woman has a head, then she has a lover!
The pearls that I will wear in the first act must be real,” demands the capricious young actress. “Everything will be real,” Ranevskaya reassures her. - That's it: pearls in the first act, and poison in the last.
Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?
Animals, which are few in number, are included in the Red Book, and those that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.
My life... I lived around, everything didn’t work out. Like the redhead at the carpet.
Life goes by without bowing like an angry neighbor.
You have to live in such a way that even the bastards remember you.
Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.
You know, when I saw this bald guy on the armored car, I realized: big troubles awaited us. (About Lenin)
Some man pushed Ranevskaya walking down the street and cursed her with dirty words. Faina Georgievna told him: “For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use.” But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly. “His voice sounds like he’s pissing in a zinc bucket.”
How sad it is when they fly away! - said Faina Ranevskaya when, at the exit from the bank, the wind tore banknotes from her hands.
How wrong it is to believe that there are no irreplaceable actors.
When I don't get a role, I feel like a pianist whose hands have been cut off.
When a jumper's legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.
When I die, bury me and write on the monument: “Died of disgust.”
Critiques are Amazons in menopause.
Who would know my loneliness? Damn him, this very talent that made me unhappy. But the audience really loves it? What's the matter? Why is it so hard in the theater? There are also Gangsters in the movies.
Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions,” Ranevskaya said. — Real perversions are field hockey and ice ballet.
Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions. Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.
Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions, Ranevskaya strictly explains: “Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.”
It has always been unclear to me that people are ashamed of poverty and not ashamed of wealth.
I don't see faces, but personal insults
Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end.
To the question: “Are you sick, Faina Georgievna?” - she usually answered: “No, I just look like that.”
To the question: “Are you sick, Faina Georgievna?” - She habitually answered: “No, I just look like that.”
A Russian person doesn’t want to do or think anything on an empty stomach, but on a full stomach he can’t.
On the street, Ranevskaya was pushed by a passerby and cursed at her. Faina Georgievna told him: “For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use.” But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly.
Nothing can hold back the pressure of beauty! (Looking at the hole in her skirt)
Our people are the most gifted, kind and conscientious. But almost somehow it turns out that we are constantly, 80 percent, surrounded by idiots, scammers and creepy ladies without dogs. Trouble! / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
We have been accustomed to single-cell words, scant thoughts, play Ostrovsky after this!
A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman’s birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman's birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.
Faina Georgievna said about her life: “If I, yielding to requests, began to write about myself, it would be a plaintive book - “Fate is a whore.”
Explaining to someone why the condom is white, Ranevskaya said: “Because white makes you look fat."
Loneliness as a condition cannot be treated.
Once Ranevskaya was asked: Why beautiful women are more successful than the smart ones? - This is obvious, because there are very few blind men, and stupid ones are a dime a dozen.
One day Yuri Zavadsky, artistic director of the Theater. The Moscow City Council, where Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya worked (and with whom she had a far from rosy relationship), shouted in the heat of the moment to the actress: “Faina Georgievna, you devoured my entire directorial plan with your acting!” “That’s why I feel like I’m full of crap!” - Ranevskaya retorted.
He will die from the expansion of his fantasy.
Spelling errors in writing are like a bug on a white blouse.
Oh, those obnoxious journalists! Half the lies they spread about me are not true.
A person's passport is his misfortune, because a person should always be eighteen, and a passport only reminds you that you can live like an eighteen-year-old.
Perpetum male. (About director Yu. Zavadsky)
Pee-wee on the tram is all he did in art.
I receive letters: “Help me become an actor.” I answer: “God will help!”
After the performance, Ranevskaya often looked at the flowers, the basket with letters, postcards and notes full of admiration - offerings from fans of her acting - and sadly remarked: - There is so much love, but there is no one to go to the pharmacy.
Mediocrity always thinks a lot about itself and says to itself: “Today I played as amazingly as ever! Do you know that I’m also very modest? All of Europe knows how modest I am!” / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
There cannot be many poets. / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
Damn nineteenth century, damned upbringing: I can’t stand when men are sitting.
Let this be a small gossip that must disappear between us.
Ranevskaya with all her household and huge luggage arrives at the station. “It’s a pity that we didn’t take the piano,” says Faina Georgievna. “It’s not witty,” notes one of the accompanying people. “It’s really not witty,” Ranevskaya sighs. — The fact is that I left all the tickets on the piano.
A child from the first grade of school should be taught the science of loneliness.
You should stay at home with such an ass!
Nowadays actors cannot remain silent. And by the way, talk too. / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.
The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.
How many times does a woman blush in her life? — Four times: on the wedding night, when she cheats on her husband for the first time, when she takes money for the first time, when she gives money for the first time. And the man? — Twice: the first time when the second one cannot, the second time when the first one cannot.
Starring in a bad movie is like spitting into eternity.
Radio Committee employee N. constantly experienced drama because of her love relationship with a colleague whose name was Sima: either she cried because of another quarrel, then he abandoned her, then she had an abortion from him. Ranevskaya called her “HeraSima’s victim.”
The companion of fame is loneliness.
It became funny. The great ones live like people, but I live like a stray dog, although I have a home! There is a stray dog, she lives in my care - I live as a lonely dog, and it won’t be long, thank God. Who would have known how unhappy I was in this damned life, with all my talents. Who would know my loneliness! Success is stupid for me, who is smart, to rejoice at it. I didn’t know success in myself... I was smart enough to live my life stupidly,” Faina Ranevskaya complained just before her death
The old mug did not become my tragedy. At the age of 22, I was already wearing makeup as an old woman, I got used to it, and fell in love with old women. / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
Getting old is boring, but it's the only way to live long.
Old age is a time when the candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half the urine goes for testing.
Old age is when it is not bad dreams that bother you, but bad reality.
Old age is just disgusting. I think it is ignorance of God when he allows people to live to old age.
It’s scary when you’re eighteen inside, when you admire beautiful music, poetry, painting, but it’s time for you, you haven’t managed to do anything, you’re just starting to live!
This type of ass is called a “playing ass.”
Tolstoy said that there is no death, but there is love and memory of the heart. The memory of the heart is so painful, it would be better if it didn’t exist... It would be better to kill the memory forever.
I was smart enough to live my life stupidly.
Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one.
What am I doing? I feign health.
This is the fourth time I’ve watched this film and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before!
To help us see how much we are overeating, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes.
This lady can already choose who she wants to impress.
This is not a room. This is a real well. I feel like a bucket that's been dropped in there.
I am Stanislavsky's miscarriage.
I spoke for a long time and unconvincingly, as if I was talking about the friendship of peoples.
I lived with many theaters, but never enjoyed it.
I’m like an old palm tree at a train station - no one needs it, but it’s a shame to throw it away.
I don’t recognize the word “play.” You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage. / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
I slept with all the theaters in Moscow, but with no one I received satisfaction! / Soviet actress Faina Ranevskaya
I'm a provincial actress. Wherever I served! Only in the city of Vezdesransk she didn’t serve!..
I feel well, but not well.
I'm a social psychopath. Komsomol member with a paddle. You can touch me on the subway. It’s me standing there, half-bent over, in a bathing cap and copper panties, which all the October kids are trying to get into. I work in the subway as a sculpture. I was polished by so many paws that even the great prostitute Nana could envy me.
I, by virtue of the talent given to me, squeaked like a mosquito.

Quotes and Aphorisms 01.04.2017

Dear readers, today I invite you to the article in a special mood. On April Fools' Day, let us remember the quotes and aphorisms of Faina Ranevskaya. The aphorisms of this great mockingbird continue to excite, surprise, and captivate today.

It seems that an entire era has passed (after all, Faina Ranevskaya has not been with us for more than 30 years), and this period was full of very significant historical events. Much has changed in the country, the changes are striking in the life of every family, every person. But it’s worth looking through these apt phrases again, and you understand how little the person himself, his essence, psychology, mentality, attitude towards the world and others changes over time.

Strictly speaking, not all phraseological units attributed to Faina Georgievna are her own “invention.” Those colleagues and a few friends who had the good fortune to visit her house know that the actress had a habit of “catching” interesting phrases, proverbs, catchphrases great people. She recorded them on pieces of paper and hung them in the rooms.

Of course, they were “recorded for sub-correction”, perhaps creatively transformed, edited under specific situation and characters. And then, said to the point and in her unique manner, they acquired the status of Faina Ranevskaya’s aphorisms. Which does not detract from their dignity at all!

And it doesn’t change the fact that she herself constantly gave birth to such impromptu statements. In the life of the actress there were many difficulties, problems, and sometimes tragic circumstances. She was truly, fatally alone. And humor, sarcasm, self-irony became a saving armor from the imperfections of the world and human injustice, cruelty and cynicism.

I tried, probably very conditionally, to divide the well-known best aphorisms of Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya into thematic sections. I invite you, dear readers, to go on an exciting journey through this unique world of wise and apt sayings. I assure you, it will not be boring and very educational!

People are like candles!…

Those around her were amazed by her boundless kindness. How she got along with her “prickly” character was incomprehensible. She managed to quickly hand out her salary and pension, and then barely make it to the next one. She paid the man who walked the dog and the nurses for injections. She transferred a substantial amount to the Leningrad House of Stage Veterans.

It was fashionable to be friends with her, especially not burdensome. There were also those in her house whom Faina Georgievna treated with sincere respect: Vladimir Vysotsky, Anna Akhmatova, Sergei Yursky and a number of other guests dear to her heart. She always loved to treat, give and not expect anything in return. She herself ate little and was generally extremely unpretentious. But she is very observant. Ranevskaya’s quotes and aphorisms about people are evidence of this.

People, like candles, are divided into two types: some - for light and warmth, and others - in the ass...

It's better to be good person, swearing, than a quiet, well-mannered creature.

If a person has done you harm, give him some candy. He is evil to you, you are candy to him. And so on until this creature develops diabetes.

Many people complain about their appearance, but no one complains about their brains.

If you have a person to whom you can tell your dreams, you have no right to consider yourself lonely...

What kind of world is this? There are so many idiots around, how much fun they make!

There are people whom you just want to approach and ask if it’s difficult to live without a brain.

It has always been unclear to me that people are ashamed of poverty and not ashamed of wealth.

People make their own problems, no one forces them to choose boring professions, marry the wrong people or buy uncomfortable shoes.

Under the most beautiful peacock tail there is always an ordinary chicken ass.

There are people in whom God lives; there are people in whom the Devil lives; and there are people in whom only worms live.

Men and women - two poles of love

Faina Ranevskaya sometimes gave out quotes and aphorisms about men and women that were quite “salty.” However, she could also speak on other topics in a very undiplomatic manner. But it’s succinct and accurate. She herself experienced a very severe disappointment in love in her early youth. And then she spoke rather sarcastically about her appearance and personal life. Of course, she fell in love, like any creative, subtle nature. But she learned to successfully hide her true feelings behind a veil of irony. I observed other people’s relationships from the outside, dropping linguistic masterpieces “in passing.”

If a woman tells a man that he is the smartest, it means she understands that she will not find another such fool.

Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?

Women die later than men because they are always late...

No overweight women, there are tight clothes.

God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men.

The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to a heroine mother. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man gives birth to a single mother. The union of a smart woman and a stupid man gives rise to an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to light flirting.

If a woman walks with her head down, she has a lover! If a woman walks with her head held high, she has a lover! If a woman holds her head straight, she has a lover! And in general - if a woman has a head, then she has a lover!

Why are beautiful women more successful than smart women?
- This is obvious - after all, there are very few blind men, and stupid ones are a dime a dozen.

Why are all women such fools?

Which women do you think are more faithful - brunettes or blondes?
- Gray haired!

When a jumper's legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.

Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.

A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman's birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman's birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.

An employee of Radio Committee N constantly experienced drama because of her love relationship with a colleague, whose name was Sima: either she cried because of another quarrel, then he left her, or she had an abortion from him. Ranevskaya called her “HeraSima’s victim.”

You won’t believe it, Faina Georgievna, but no one has ever kissed me except my groom.
- Are you bragging, my dear, or are you complaining?

There is such love that it is better to immediately replace it with execution.

Medicine + diets = health? Not a fact!

Many of Faina Ranevskaya’s aphorisms funny sayings about various aspects of medicine, health, she also went through diets, which were “in trend” even then. The health of the actress herself was rather poor. She received a lot of treatment, including in prestigious metropolitan clinics, from which she came out with the following conviction: “The Kremlin hospital is a nightmare with all the amenities.”

One of the actors calls Faina Georgievna and inquires about her health.
“My dear,” she complains, “such a nightmare!” My head hurts, my teeth suck, my heart hurts, I cough terribly. Liver, kidneys, stomach - everything aches! My joints ache, I can barely walk... Thank God I’m not a man, otherwise I’d still have a prostate gland!

Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.

I noticed that if you don’t eat bread, sugar, fatty meat, or drink beer with fish, your face becomes smaller, but sadder...

Why don't you have plastic surgery?

What's the point! You renew the façade, but the sewage system is still old!

Ladies, don’t lose weight... You need it... It’s better to be a ruddy plump woman in old age than a dried-up monkey...

To help us see how much we are overeating, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes.

To stay thin, a woman needs to eat in front of a mirror and naked.
“Faina,” her old friend asked, “do you think medicine is making progress?”
- But what about it? When I was young, I had to take off my clothes every time I visited the doctor, but now it’s enough to show my tongue.

Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.

If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.

About life and loneliness

“Remember: for everything you do that is unkind, you will have to pay in the same coin... I don’t know who is watching this, but he is watching, and very carefully.” This is one of Ranevskaya’s aphorisms, which cannot be called funny or witty. This is “just” a wise observation from a person who has experienced and felt a lot. She was offended, sometimes absolutely deliberately. As happens not only in the theatrical environment, but in creative groups, bullying is usually more sophisticated. She learned to distance herself from unpleasant people, but the inevitable consequence of this was deep loneliness.

You can't fart happily with a sad ass.

Horseradish, based on the opinions of others, ensures a calm and happy life...

Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.

Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity.

Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings.

A Russian person does not want to do or think anything on an empty stomach, but on a full stomach he cannot.

Life is a short walk before eternal sleep.

Loneliness is a state that you have no one to tell about.

And what nature does to man!

Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end.

The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.

Life goes by without bowing like an angry neighbor.

You have to live in such a way that even the bastards remember you.

(Explaining to someone why the condom is white)
- Because white color makes you look fat.

Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions. Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.

The companion of fame is loneliness.

Loneliness as a condition cannot be treated.

This is a slow but progressive transformation of the head into the ass. First in form, and then in content.

Dreams come true... You just need to stop wanting.

About theater and cinema: Stanislavsky's miscarriage

Biographers of Ranevskaya tell how she first appeared on the threshold of one of the Moscow theaters. The year was 1915, Faya managed to try herself in a number of theater projects in the south of Russia. She arrived at the theater director with a letter of recommendation from the director’s friend, the Moscow entrepreneur Sokolovsky.

“Dear Vanyusha,” a colleague wrote, “I am sending you this lady just to get rid of her. You yourself somehow delicately, with a hint, in parentheses, explain to her that she has nothing to do on stage, that she has no prospects. It’s really inconvenient for me to do this for a number of reasons, so you, my friend, somehow talk her out of her acting career - it will be better for both her and the theater. This is complete mediocrity, she plays all the roles exactly the same, her last name is Ranevskaya...”

Fortunately, the recipient did not listen to the entrepreneur’s recommendations. And the world recognized one of the greatest actresses of the 20th century. In addition, we can now read aphorisms and quotes from Faina Ranevskaya. True, in the theater for half a century she played only 17 roles, plus she embodied approximately the same number of film images.

I am Stanislavsky's miscarriage.

Critiques are Amazons in menopause.

Once on the southern sea, Ranevskaya pointed her hand at a flying seagull and said:
- The Moscow Art Theater flew.

Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one.

Starring in a bad movie is like spitting into eternity.

They say that this performance is not successful with the audience?
- Well, that's putting it mildly. I called the box office yesterday and asked when the show started.
- And what?
- They answered me: “When will it be convenient for you?”

This is the fourth time I’ve watched this film and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before!

I lived with many theaters, but never enjoyed it.

I don't recognize the word "play". You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage.

We have been accustomed to single-cell words, scant thoughts, play Ostrovsky after this!

How wrong it is to believe that there are no irreplaceable actors.

About colleagues: everything will be real!

Sergei Yursky said that after filming Cinderella, Faina Georgievna received an “indecently large” fee. She was really ashamed of this substantial amount, began asking her colleagues at the theater who needed what, and quickly spent the money. And only when I had given everything away did I come to my senses: I myself had no money to buy the piece of fabric that I had planned to purchase. Nevertheless, they slandered her behind her back, and even made sarcasm to her face about her appearance and “obnoxious” character. It was against this background that they appeared funny aphorisms Ranevskaya about her colleagues.

(About director Yu. Zavadsky) He will die from the expansion of his imagination.

(About the director Yu. Zavadsky) Perpetum male.

(Dialogue with Zavadsky)
- Faina Georgievna, with your acting you devoured my entire directorial plan!
- I have a feeling that I’ve had enough of crap!

“I can’t stand mass in a brothel,” she said about the chief director’s performances before the troupe. - Do you know what Zavadsky dreams about? That he died and was buried in the Kremlin wall!

“I’m very sorry, Faina Georgievna, that you weren’t at the premiere of my new play,” Victor Rozov boasted to Ranevskaya. - The people at the cash registers staged a complete massacre!
- And how? Did they manage to get the money back?

The pearls that I will wear in the first act must be real,” demands the capricious young actress.
“Everything will be real,” Ranevskaya reassures her. - That's it: pearls in the first act, and poison in the last.

About myself: I'm like an old palm tree at a train station

“Each of us has our own Mulya,” one of her really close friends, Anna Akhmatova, consoled her.
- What kind of Mulya do you have? - asked Faina Georgievna.
“I clenched my hands under a dark veil,” Anna Andreevna grinned.

They became friends during the war, in evacuation in Tashkent. Then the poetess recalled: Ranevskaya constantly followed her with a notebook, writing down thoughts and lines of future poems that Akhmatova “dropped.” And then, absent-mindedly, she lit the potbelly stove with them.
“Madam, you are 11 years old and you will never be 12,” Akhmatova laughed.  At that time, Ranevskaya was 46, and Akhmatova was 53.

Faina Georgievna, unlike many other wits, was always very self-critical. Therefore, among best aphorisms Ranevskaya - her statements about herself.

Only the pill, the brain and the ass have a soul mate. I'm whole from the start!!!

My favorite disease is scabies: I scratch it and want more. And the most hated thing is hemorrhoids: you can’t see it for yourself, you can’t show it to people.

Damn nineteenth century, damned upbringing: I can’t stand when men are sitting.

Everyone who loved me didn't like me. And those I loved did not love me. My appearance has deprived me of my privacy!

Who would know my loneliness? Damn him, this very talent that made me unhappy.

In my old head there are two, at most three, thoughts, but at times they create such a fuss that it seems like there are thousands of them.

I was smart enough to live my life stupidly.

It's been a long time since anyone told me that I'm a whore. I'm losing popularity.

All my life I have been terribly afraid of stupid people. Especially women. You never know how to talk to them without sinking to their level.

This is not a room. This is a real well. I feel like a bucket that's been dropped in there.

I, like eggs, participate, but do not enter.

I've been swimming in the toilet butterfly style my whole life.

Do you know, honey, what shit is? So this is JAM compared to my life!

I don't see faces, but personal insults.

I’m like an old palm tree at a train station - no one needs it, but it’s a shame to throw it away.

(Looking at the hole in her skirt) Nothing can hold back the pressure of beauty!

I spoke for a long time and unconvincingly, as if I was talking about the friendship of peoples.

Think and say whatever you want about me. Where have you seen a cat that was interested in what mice had to say about it?

What am I doing? I feign health.

When I was 20 years old, I only thought about love. Now I only like to think.

I feel well, but not well.

Are you sick, Faina Georgievna?
- No, I just look like that.

When I die, bury me and write on the monument: “Died of disgust.”

My God, how life has slipped by, I have never even heard nightingales sing.

It’s scary when you’re eighteen inside, when you admire beautiful music, poetry, painting, but it’s time for you, you haven’t managed to do anything, you’re just starting to live!

Old age and small joys

Faina Ranevskaya, whose quotes and aphorisms we remember today, has always loved animals. They brightened up her lonely existence. She hired nannies for a mongrel named Boy and fed him delicacies. She used to say: “My dog lives like Sarah Bernhardt, and I live like a dog.”

Old age is a time when the candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half the urine goes for testing.

Old age is just disgusting. I believe that it is ignorance of God when he allows people to live to old age.

Getting old is boring, but it's the only way to live long.

I still remember decent people... God, how old I am!

Memories are the riches of old age.

Old age is when it is not bad dreams that bother you, but bad reality.

Situations and dialogues

Faina Ranevskaya gave birth to quotes and aphorisms on the fly. Sometimes she could quite sharply “shave off” a boor, and sometimes she invented elegant formulations. Rather, not for the offenders, who are unlikely to appreciate this verbal balancing act, but for more advanced colleagues.

Ranevskaya was walking down the street when a man pushed her. The ignoramus was smart enough to scold an elderly woman dirty words. Faina Georgievna reacted outwardly calmly:
- For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use. But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly.

Today I killed 5 flies: two males and three females.
- How did you determine this?
- Two were sitting on a beer bottle, and three were on a mirror.

Once I slipped and fell on the street. A man was walking towards the actress.
- Pick me up! - she asked. - People's artists do not lie on the road...

After the performance, the artists were transported home by a crowded bus. Suddenly an obscene sound was heard in the crowd. Ranevskaya leaned towards her neighbor’s ear and whispered, but so that everyone could hear, she said:
- Do you feel it, darling? Someone got a second wind!

Ranevskaya with all her household and huge luggage arrives at the station.
“It’s a pity that we didn’t take the piano,” says Faina Georgievna.
“It’s not witty,” one of the accompanying people remarks.
“It’s really not witty,” Ranevskaya sighs. — The fact is that I left all the tickets on the piano.

(To the administrator who found her completely naked in the dressing room)
- Aren't you shocked that I smoke?

I adore nature.
- And this after what she did to you?

The bell doesn't work, when you arrive, knock your feet.
- Why with your feet?
- But you’re not with empty handed are going to come!

Memory of the Heart

Faina Georgievna was unpretentious in everyday life. She had neither a car nor a dacha. Few people know that she was fond of painting. I gave away my paintings to my colleagues, which were quite talentedly painted.

Finally, let me remind you of a few more aphorisms by Faina Ranevskaya on various topics, which were written down by guests of her hospitable home.

(About Lenin) You know, when I saw this bald man on the armored car, I realized: big troubles awaited us.

Is my shallow thought clear?

Let this be a small gossip that must disappear between us.

Now, when a person is embarrassed to say that he does not want to die, he says this: he really wants to survive in order to see what happens next. As if, if not for this, he would immediately be ready to lie down in a coffin.

Animals, which are few in number, are included in the Red Book, and those that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.

It's very hard to be a genius among boogers.

I hate cynicism for its general availability.

Tolstoy said that there is no death, but there is love and memory of the heart. The memory of the heart is so painful, it would be better if it didn’t exist... It would be better to kill the memory forever.

Talent is self-doubt and painful dissatisfaction with oneself and one's shortcomings, which I have never encountered in mediocrity.

Dear friends! The memory of the heart is indeed not always cloudless. But she leaves us with both joyful and anxious moments of our life, everything that is dear and that actually makes up this life. Today we touched upon an inexhaustible source - one of the facets of Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya’s talent. Something was left beyond the scope of this material, but we remembered a lot and experienced it with you. I hope this communication was bright and useful.

I thank my blog reader Lyubov Mironova for her help in preparing the material for this article.

Photographs by the famous Soviet photographer Dmitry Baltermants were used as illustrations for the article. He worked for many years at the Ogonyok magazine, and for almost half a century the country looked at the world through his eyes. For many years, Baltermants was considered the main Soviet photographer, who received recognition from his colleagues abroad during his lifetime. Thanks to Anna Blintsova, blog designer, for her wonderful work.

And for the soul and mood, I suggest watching another video material with the best quotes and aphorisms of Faina Ranevskaya.

See also

- famous and popular Soviet theater and film actress. Today, many critics and journalists consider her one of the greatest Russian actresses of the 20th century. She has about 30 films and countless performances to her credit. In 1992, the English encyclopedia "Who's Who" included her in the list of the ten most outstanding actresses of the 20th century.
But there is one more distinguishing feature, by which the actress was remembered by millions - these are Ranevskaya’s sayings, quotes and aphorisms. They instantly became winged and spread throughout the country and beyond. And even many years after years, after she passed away, these words do not lose their relevance!

We present to you best phrases and quotes from Faina Ranevskaya. There are more than a hundred of them:
1. I don’t know how to express strong feelings, although I can express myself strongly.
2. Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.
3. I noticed that if you don’t eat bread, sugar, fatty meat, or drink beer with fish, your face becomes smaller, but sadder.
4. My favorite disease is scabies: I scratched it and want more. And the most hated thing is hemorrhoids: you can’t see it for yourself, you can’t show it to people.
5. Ladies, don't lose weight. Do you need it? It’s better to be a ruddy donut in old age than a dried-up monkey!
6. Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings.
7. All my life I have been swimming in the toilet butterfly style.
8. The soul is not an ass, it can’t take a shit.
9. In old age, the main thing is a sense of dignity, and I was deprived of it.
10. I was smart enough to live my life stupidly. I live only by myself - what self-restraint.
11. We have been accustomed to single-cell words, scant thoughts, play Ostrovsky after this!
12. A Russian person does not want to do or think anything on an empty stomach, but on a full stomach he cannot.
13. If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.
14. It’s very hard to be a genius among boogers.
15. Horseradish, based on the opinions of others, ensures a calm and happy life.

16. 85 years with diabetes is not sugar.
17. I wish I had her legs - she had lovely legs! It's a shame - now they'll disappear.
18. The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.
19. Tolstoy said that there is no death, but there is love and memory of the heart. The memory of the heart is so painful, it would be better if it did not exist... It would be better to kill the memory forever.
20. Let go of idiots and clowns from your life. The circus must tour.
21. The companion of glory is loneliness.
22. Growing old is boring, but it is the only way to live long.
23. Nothing but despair from the inability to change anything in my destiny.
24. Under the most beautiful peacock tail hides the most ordinary chicken ass. So less pathos, gentlemen.
25. I hate it when a whore pretends to be innocent!
26. Is my shallow thought clear?
27. You must live in such a way that even bastards remember you.
28. Who would know my loneliness? Damn him, this very talent that made me unhappy...
29. All my life I have been terribly afraid of stupid people. Especially women. You never know how to talk to them without sinking to their level.
30. Understand once and for all that the character of your woman is a reflection of your attitude towards her. For those who don’t understand: it’s not her who’s a bitch, it’s you who’s an asshole.

31. I’m like eggs: I participate, but I don’t enter.
32. I hate cynicism for its general availability.
33. Why are all women such fools?
34. Eating alone is as unnatural as shitting together!
35. So that we can see how much we overeat, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes.
36. Talent is like a wart - either it is there or it is not.
37. What kind of world is this? There are so many idiots around, how much fun they make!
38. It has always been unclear to me - people are ashamed of poverty and not ashamed of wealth.
39. A woman, in order to succeed in life, must have two qualities. She must be smart enough to please stupid men, and stupid enough to please smart men.
41. If a woman tells a man that he is the smartest, it means that she understands that she will not find another such fool.
42. God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men.
43. Life passes without bowing, like an angry neighbor.
44. Pioneers, go to hell.
45. Many people complain about their appearance, but no one complains about their brains.

46. My life is terribly sad... and you want me to stick a lilac bush in my ass and do a striptease in front of you!
47. God seems to love those who suffer. Have you ever seen a happy genius? No, everyone was tossed about by life, like a blade of grass in the wind. Happiness is a concept for average citizens in all respects, and there is no justice here.
48. Loneliness as a condition cannot be treated.
49. Animals, of which there are few, are included in the Red Book, and of which there are many - in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.
50. In my old head there are two, at most three, thoughts, but at times they make such a fuss that it seems like there are thousands of them.
51. You cannot learn to be an artist. You can develop your talent, learn to speak, express yourself, but not shock. To do this, you need to be born with the nature of an actor.
52. Do you know what it is to act in films? Imagine that you are washing in a bathhouse, and they take you on a tour there.
53. Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one.
54. Life is a long leap from the ass to the grave.
55. Starring in a bad movie is like spitting into eternity!
56. Darling, if you want to lose weight, eat naked and in front of a mirror.
57. There is such love that it is better to immediately replace it with execution.
58. For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use. But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly.
59. I’m like an old palm tree at a train station - no one needs me, but it’s a shame to throw it away.
60. No one except dead leaders wants to tolerate my breasts dangling idly.

61. I spoke for a long time and unconvincingly, as if I was talking about the friendship of peoples.
62. Women are not the weaker sex, the weaker sex are rotten boards.
63. There are no disadvantages for an actress if it is necessary for the role.
64. If I often looked into Gioconda’s eyes, I would go crazy: she knows everything about me, but I know nothing about her.
65. I can't eat meat. It walked, loved, looked... Maybe I'm a psychopath? No, I consider myself a normal psychopath. But I can't eat meat. I keep meat for people.
66. The brain, the ass and the pill have a soul mate. And I was initially whole.
67. A child from the first grade of school should be taught the science of loneliness.
68. Loneliness is a state that you have no one to tell about.
69. When I start writing memoirs, beyond the phrase: “I was born in the family of a poor oil industrialist...”, I can’t do anything.
70. Spelling errors in a letter are like a bug on a white blouse.
71. Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
72. Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end.
73. To gain recognition, one must, even must, die.
74. Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions. Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.
75. Beautiful people shit too.

76. There are people whom you just want to approach and ask if it’s difficult to live without a brain.
77. Just now I looked at the photo for a long time - the dog’s eyes are surprisingly human. I love them, they are smart and kind, but people make them evil.
78. My God, how old I am - I still remember decent people!
79. Women die later than men because they are always late.
80. I do not recognize the word “play”. You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage.
81. I'm tired of pretending to be healthy.
82. Do you know, my dear, what shit is? So it’s like jam compared to my life.
83. They haven’t told me for a long time that I’m a whore. I'm losing popularity.
84. Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity.
85. Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad mood.
86. The main thing is to live a living life, and not rummage through the nooks and crannies of memory.
87. My God, an unfortunate country where a person cannot manage his ass.
88. Men are after boobs from the beginning of their days until their end.
89. I hate you. Wherever I go, everyone looks around and says: “Look, it’s Mulya, don’t make me nervous, she’s coming.”
90. You can’t fart happily with a sad ass.

91. Everyone is free to dispose of their ass as they please. So I pick mine up and fuck off.
92. There are no fat women, only small clothes.
93. When I die, bury me and write on the monument: “Died of disgust.”
94. Either I’m getting old and stupid, or today’s youth are like nothing else! Previously, I simply did not know how to answer their questions, but now I don’t even understand what they are asking.
95. I don’t get along with everyday life! Money bothers me both when it is not there and when it is there.
96. I receive letters: “Help me become an actor.” I answer: “God will help!”
97. Cinema is a tramp establishment.
98. How I envy the brainless!
99. Old age is the time when candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half of the urine goes for tests.
100. There are a million fans, but there is no one to go to the pharmacy.
101. There are people in whom God lives; there are people in whom the Devil lives; and there are people in whom only worms live.
102. When a jumper’s legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.
103. Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?
104. Pee-wee on the tram - everything he did in art.
105. I feel, but not well.
106. Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.
107. His voice sounds like he’s pissing in a zinc bucket.
108. Talent is self-doubt and painful dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s shortcomings, which I have never encountered in mediocrity.
109. I’m watching this film for the fourth time and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before.
110. I am a provincial actress. Wherever I served! Only in the city of Vezdesransk she didn’t serve!..
111. If you have a person to whom you can tell your dreams, you have no right to consider yourself lonely...
112. Damn nineteenth century, damned upbringing: I can’t stand when men are sitting.
113. Oh, these obnoxious journalists! Half the lies they spread about me are not true.
114. People are like candles: they either burn or fuck them.
115. Let this be a small gossip that must disappear between us.
116. He will die from the expansion of his fantasy.
117. I lived with many theaters, but never enjoyed it.
118. Life is a short walk before eternal sleep.
119. Old age is when it is not bad dreams that bother you, but bad reality.
120. It’s better to be a good person who “swears” than a quiet, well-mannered creature.

121. I’m already so old that I’ve begun to forget my own memoirs.
122. In the theater, talented people loved me, untalented people hated me, mongrels bit me and tore me to pieces.
123. March 8th is my personal disaster. With every card with flowers and bows, I tear out a clump of hair from grief that I was not born a man.
124. Everything will come true, you just need to stop wanting...
125. Don’t have a hundred rubles, but have two breasts!
126. Old age is just disgusting. I believe that it is ignorance of God when he allows people to live to old age. Lord, everyone has already left, but I still live. Birman died too, and I never expected this from her. It’s scary when you’re eighteen inside, when you admire beautiful music, poetry, painting, but it’s time for you, you haven’t managed to do anything, you’re just starting to live!
127. A person’s passport is his misfortune, because a person should always be eighteen, but a passport only reminds you that you can live like an eighteen-year-old.
128. The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to a mother-heroine. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man gives birth to a single mother. The union of a smart woman and a stupid man gives rise to an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to easy flirting.

Everyone knows Faina Ranevskaya's quotes. In principle, Faina Georgievna’s current fame is largely due to her well-aimed witticisms and aphorisms. Why her acting talent was not appreciated, but Ranevskaya’s statements still remain popular is a mystery to everyone... We have collected the most successful quotes from Ranevskaya.

The best funny aphorisms of Faina Ranevskaya

Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.

When I die, bury me and write on the monument: “Died of disgust.”

I feel well, but not well.

Why are all women such fools?

Baldness is a slow but progressive transformation of the head into an ass. First in form, and then in content.

Darling, if you want to lose weight, eat naked and in front of the mirror!

Many people complain about their appearance, but no one complains about their brains.

When I retire, I will do absolutely nothing. The first months I will just sit in a rocking chair.
- And then?
- And then I’ll start swinging.

I’m watching this film for the fourth time and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before.

When a jumper's legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.

A smart person knows how to get out of a difficult situation, but a wise person will never get into one.

And whatever nature does to a person.

God created women beautiful so that men would love them, and stupid women so that they would love men.

The queen of the supporting cast and the queen of aphorisms, most of which became popular, lived a long, eventful life, full of drama and loneliness. It is quite possible that it was loneliness that influenced Ranevskaya’s specific sense of humor. Not everyone can tell joke after joke almost their entire life (the actress lived to be 88 years old). Many believe that the actress came up with the jokes on purpose. But Faina Georgievna most likely did not even come up with quotes and aphorisms, but they simply came to her on their own, involuntarily - bang, a new funny statement is ready.

Apt quotes about men, women and love

Ranevskaya performed at one of the literary and theatrical evenings. During the discussion, a girl of about sixteen asked: - Faina Georgievna, what is love? Ranevskaya thought and said: “I forgot.” And after a second she added: “But I remember that it was something very pleasant.”

- Faina Georgievna, what does a woman look like if she is placed upside down? - For the piggy bank. - And the man? - On the hanger.

Once you get married, then you will understand what happiness is. But it will be too late.

- If a woman tells a man that he is the smartest, it means she understands that she will not find another such fool.

Ranevskaya returns from tour. Conversation in the compartment. One says: “When I return home, I’ll confess everything to my husband.” Second: “Well, you’re brave.” Third: “Well, you’re stupid.” Ranevskaya: “Well, you have a memory.”

Having gone to the zoo because they had nothing to do on tour during the day, the artists saw an unusual deer, on whose head there were four antlers instead of two. The following remarks were heard: - What a strange animal! What kind of trick? “I think,” Ranevskaya said in a deep voice, “that this is just a widower who had the imprudence to marry again.”

One day Faina Ranevskaya asked Anna Akhmatova: “Who is the sheep’s husband?” Akhmatova said: “Sheep, so there’s nothing to envy.”

Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions, Ranevskaya strictly explains: Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.

- You won’t believe it, Faina Georgievna, but no one has ever kissed me except my groom. - Are you bragging, my dear, or are you complaining?

A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman's birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman's birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.

What I loved most in my life was falling in love.

A scandalous person, a lonely and vulnerable soul, a sarcastic lady with a thick voice, a home-grown philosopher with a cigarette and just an actress who can replace the whole group. This is all Faina Ranevskaya. She has a lot of various awards and titles, and has played more than four dozen roles in film and theater. At the same time, Ranevskaya spoke not at all flatteringly about her filming in films: “The money was eaten up, but the shame remained.” Despite this sarcasm, the images of her film heroines were remembered by the audience forever, which is especially valuable considering that the actress did not have leading roles. The apt phrase about money is just one of the witty phrases that she left behind. In principle, Faina Georgievna’s statements were not very optimistic... Ranevskaya’s quotes are funny and sad at the same time.

Catchphrases of Faina Ranevskaya

How I envy the brainless.

Life goes by without bowing like an angry neighbor.

How life slipped by, I never even heard nightingales sing.

A person’s passport is his misfortune, because a person should always be eighteen, and a passport only reminds you that you cannot live like an eighteen-year-old.

Old age is when it is not bad dreams that bother you, but bad reality.

I still remember decent people... God, how old I am.

The companion of fame is loneliness.

Getting old is boring, but it's the only way to live long.

Optimism is a lack of information.

I was smart enough to live my life stupidly.

When I don't get a role, I feel like a pianist whose hands have been cut off.

The brain, the ass and the pills have a soul mate, but from the beginning I am whole.

Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.

All my life I have been terribly afraid of stupid people. Especially women. You never know how to talk to them without sinking to their level.

Our people are the most gifted, kind and conscientious. But almost somehow it turns out that we are constantly, eighty percent, surrounded by idiots, scammers and creepy ladies without dogs. Trouble!

Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end.

Old age is when it is not bad dreams that bother you, but bad reality.

Half the lies that are spread about me are not true.

Memories are the wealth of old age.

I don't drink, I don't smoke anymore and I've never cheated on my husband - I guarantee that I never had one.

There is so much love, but there is no one to go to the pharmacy.

When I was 20 years old, I only thought about love. Now I only like to think.

They live together. Like husband and wife. Although no. They live much better.

They had different tastes: she loved men, and he loved women.

Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya(née Feldman) went down in the history of culture and cinema as “one of the greatest Russian actresses of the 20th century” and “queen of the supporting cast.” She played in the theater more often than in films, ironizing about this that “the money will be eaten up, but the shame will remain forever.” She did not have major roles, but she played even small, sometimes episodic roles in such a way that they went down in history forever. And we remember her every time we hear her “housekeeper” Freken Bock from the cartoon about Carlson speaking in a low voice on TV.

After her, a huge number of aphorisms and “strong expressions” remained, most of which became popular - people felt their capacious imagery and fell in love with the absence of her so-called “internal censorship.”

A collection of golden quotes and “strong expressions” from the Russian actress:

Do you know what it's like to act in a movie? Imagine that you are washing in a bathhouse, and they take you on a tour there..

To gain recognition one must, even must, die.

Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?

To the question: “Are you sick, Faina Georgievna?” - she usually answered: “No, I just look like that.”

It’s better to be a good person who “swears” than a quiet, well-mannered creature.

Under the most beautiful peacock tail hides the most ordinary chicken ass. So less pathos, gentlemen.

Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.

Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity.

Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.

Why are all women such fools?

What am I doing? I feign health.

If you expect someone to accept you “as you are,” then you are just a lazy idiot. Because, as a rule, “the way it is” is a sad sight. Change, you bastard. Work on yourself. Or die alone.

Old age is a time when the candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half the urine goes for testing.

If a patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.

When I don't get a role, I feel like a pianist whose hands have been cut off.

Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one.

The companion of fame is loneliness.

The brain, the ass and the pill have a soul mate. And I was initially whole.

A Russian person doesn’t want to do or think anything on an empty stomach, but on a full stomach he can’t..

Everything will come true, you just have to stop wanting it.

All my life I have been terribly afraid of stupid people. Especially women. You never know how to talk to them without sinking to their level.

A child from the first grade of school should be taught the science of loneliness.

My God, how old I am - I still remember decent people!

There are no fat women, there are tight clothes.

There are people in whom God lives, there are people in whom the devil lives, and there are people in whom only worms live.

If a person does evil to you, you give him candy, he does evil to you, you give him candy... And so on until this creature develops diabetes mellitus.

We have been accustomed to single-cell words, scant thoughts, play Ostrovsky after this!

Getting old is boring, but it's the only way to live long.

The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.

- When you arrive, knock your feet.
- Why with your feet?
- Well, you’re not going to go empty-handed!

Optimism is simply a lack of information.

I noticed that if you don’t eat bread, sugar, fatty meat, or drink beer with fish, your face becomes smaller, but sadder.

Once you get married, then you will understand what happiness is. But it will be too late.

Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.

Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.
To help us see how much we are overeating, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes.