Active listening - rules and techniques of the method. Types of listening: active, empathic, passive. Types of listening, situations and techniques

Listening to your interlocutor is the greatest art that only people can possess. Listening is not just a process of receiving information, or even simpler, recording sound waves that convey to us some information in encoded form. Listening is communication; it is both perception and influence.

Among the means and techniques of persuasion, listening occupies one of the first places. All people listen, but not everyone realizes that by listening, they invariably have a greater influence on the one who speaks than when they passionately pronounce tirades of words in front of him.

Listening, as an art of communication, is not limited to the perception of words. Along with the words, the subtext of the message is transmitted to the listening person, which is extracted from nonverbal means of communication - gaze, facial expression, gestures, posture. In an industrial, business environment, when the listening process is complicated by emotional experiences, and the nonverbal subtext of the message is naturally blurred, sometimes quite a loss occurs. important information. From this it is quite clear that when listening one should focus not on the words, but on the meaning of the message. As you can see, listening involves the listener penetrating the text of the message. But this is only one side of listening. The other side is connected with its moral and psychological aspect. From childhood we are taught to recognize ourselves as individuals. The human “I” of all people receives great and comprehensive filling. All people want to be shown a certain tact and respect. In general, they are quite sensitive to inattention. An interlocutor who tries to listen acquires moral authority and recognition in their eyes. Associated with this is the active, motivating function of listening. Indeed, in order to listen to something, you need to be motivated talking man to the statement. Tell him: “What do you want?” or “*What is your question?” - means to set the speaker to an official tone, i.e. push him to move into psychological protection. To gather oneself, to pay attention, to sincerely prepare to listen to a person - this is what unfetters and attracts the speaking person to the listening person. Such attraction usually cools down if the listener begins to show impatience in the conversation, interrupt, suggest, “help” round out some complex phrases, etc. Before the speaker has time to take a breath, about to say, as it seems to him, something important, how the listener inserts himself into the conversation and begins to present his more “valuable” ideas. The conversation, naturally, gradually fades away, giving way to the monologue of an impatient listener. The speaker remains in some kind of charged state, and unspoken thoughts begin to weigh heavily on him. A failed heart-to-heart conversation leaves an unpleasant imprint on the interlocutor.

Observations show that business managers spend more than 70% of their working time talking: approximately 10% of the time they spend on writing, 15% on reading business papers, 25% on speaking and 50% on listening. It is not difficult to imagine the fact that if a person does not master the art of listening, then the lion's share of his efforts is spent far from productively. According to foreign psychologists, somewhere more than 90% of people either do not know how to listen to others or are poor listeners. According to D. Barbara, American managers who have not completed listening training use only 30% of their communication capabilities.

According to their listening style, all people can be divided into three categories:

a) attentive

b) passive

c) aggressive.

Among them, most are passive and least attentive. Let's be clear about what it means to us to be mindful. A person who, say, sits during a break between meetings and listens to a conversation between two people talking, cannot be called attentive. This is a passive listener. It is not included as an essential element in the communication system. He demonstrates passive listening with his gaze, posture, one might say, with his whole being. An attentive listener's eyes light up, his gaze is focused purposefully, and all the muscles of his face are organized into a harmony of slight alertness. However, this is by no means a tense state. The attentive listening pose combines muscle relaxation and a heightened sense of alertness. Comfort is certainly necessary here, but within certain limits. Excessive comfort tends to free time forwarding Long-term study of listening situations shows that an attentive listener is characterized by:

a) attention pose:

b) direction of gaze;

c) feedback, i.e. signaling to the listener about the functioning of the information transmission channel. Some clarifications need to be made about this.

Listening is a living process of interaction between people, continuous communication. A speaking person can record the “proper” functioning of such communication only through a feedback channel. Hence, the listener must continuously send some signals, notifying the speaker that his message is being received. People usually use a wide variety of techniques for this: nodding their heads, shrugging their shoulders, facial grimaces, gesturing, “fidgeting” in their chair, as well as various exclamations like “Yes! Yes!”, “Hm”, “Hmm”, “Uh”, etc. Moreover, all this signaling is very easily assessed by the listener. He understands with amazing ease what is sincere and what is false. In this regard, you should not delude yourself that you can easily create the impression of an attentive listener. To really look attentive, you need to tune in to a sincere attitude towards your interlocutor. Let's remember the rules of successful persuasion. Rule three states that you must show sincere attention to your interlocutor. Only the sincerity of the intentions of the person listening gives rise to the desire to speak out in the speaker. Sincerity streamlines a person's activities, organizes his specific actions and operations, freeing him from constant, conscious control over his behavior. If, for example, before listening to a visitor, we inspire ourselves: “I will be extremely attentive to him,” then this will not be an empty phrase. Passed through consciousness, will and feelings, this phrase will become a guide to action, a “sense of truth,” as K. S. Stanislavsky said. “It turns out,” he exclaimed, “that the sense of truth, just like concentration and muscular freedom, can be developed and exercised.” The “sense of truth” of listening can be cultivated. Such education naturally begins with understanding the basic rules of listening to your interlocutor. If all the rules known in this regard are combined together, then after some processing we get a “system of fifteen”. It consists of three sections - A, B, C:

A. How to be attentive:

1) Treat the person speaking with respect, appreciate his desire to communicate something new. Remember that people prepare for the conversation before they speak. Most people, when starting a conversation, set themselves a very specific goal.

2) At the very beginning of the conversation, try to establish contact with the interlocutor. Such contact can be called a kind of “rapport” (close mutual understanding). To establish such contact, you need to form an attitude toward a sincere response to the speaker’s speech.

3) Look at your interlocutor. If possible, you can look into the eyes, but not everyone likes this behavior of the listener: shy people, and there are about 40% of them among humanity, cannot stand direct gaze. Some people who come from Southeast Asia(Japan, China) generally try not to look into the eyes of other people.

4) Try not to interrupt. You must be a diligent listener, listen to your interlocutor to the end. Patient listening helps resolve many issues of influencing, in particular, disarming aggressive interlocutors. However, listening patiently should not mean passivity. Patience is a technique of active offensive influence. No zealous talker can resist a patient listener.

5) Do not draw conclusions in advance. A feature of human behavior is action based on attitudes, i.e., behavioral stereotypes learned in past experience. Some people try very tenaciously to adhere to these stereotypes, so they often become aggressive.

B. How to get rid of aggressiveness?

1. Don't dominate the conversation. You can dominate in different ways: words, posture, tone. The one who dominates hears little, that is, understands little of what is said to him. And the one who is dominated loses and becomes psychologically dependent.

2. Don’t give free rein to your emotions. When emotions take over, the mind becomes dull. A person with a dull mind does not understand well what is said to him, in addition, he forces his interlocutor to be cunning or even lie. When you feel that emotions are becoming the master of the situation, think about the interlocutor.

3. Don't rush to object. Let your interlocutor speak. Weigh everything, and then object. When a person speaking is interrupted to make an objection, they act rashly. Firstly, by stopping a person who has not had time to speak out, we create in him a feeling of annoyance. This is what prevents him from agreeing with the objections. It’s another thing to object after the interlocutor has exhausted himself with words. Having discharged himself, a person is ready to listen to the argument. Secondly, if you listen carefully, you may not have to object: under the influence of an attentive and patient listener, the opponent’s ardor fades.

4. Don’t adopt a “defensive posture.” When a listener crosses his arms over his chest, clenches his muscles, and tenses, he is said to be “going on the defensive.” Indeed, tension in various parts of the body is evidence of disagreement. The speaking person easily perceives this state, so he takes action - he closes down.

5. Always find a pause to stop in a conversation. A pause is needed, firstly, to allow the interlocutor to wedge himself into the conversation, and, secondly, to extinguish his ardor.

Q. How to get rid of passivity?

1. Don't be silent. Silence is not listening, although many people think so. A pause in conversation is a listening technique. However, if the pause exceeds 5-6 seconds, it is perceived as silence. Silence extinguishes the activity of a speaking person.

2. Restrain yourself in moderation. Patience and restraint are techniques of influence. However, when they cross the line, that is, they drag on too long, they turn into their opposite. Illiterate patience and restraint of the listener can give rise to a response in the speaker in the form of psychological defense. The measure here is a sense of proportion.

3. Don't pretend to be smart. Stiffness and florid remarks about what the other person is saying often breed boredom. When a speaker hears something incomprehensible in response to his utterance, he cannot help but think of an indifferent attitude towards him.

4. Monitor your relaxation. Looseness stimulates the person speaking. However, when left uncontrolled, it turns into relaxation - complete relaxation, which infects the interlocutor with the same. In a state of relaxation, the activity of communication fades away.

5. If you are tired, apologize. Control your condition. When you feel stiffness in your joints or the need to stretch, do not shake yourself. This is immediately noticeable. It is best to refer to your health or find some excuse for a break.

So, we got acquainted with the 15 rules of listening. They all unite as one general rule, rather the principle of showing attention to the interlocutor. When we ask the question: “How to increase the effectiveness of listening?”, the answer can be quite definite: “Show maximum attention to the interlocutor.”

Nonverbal Communication

Business communication is, first of all, communication, i.e. exchange of information that is significant for the participants in communication. A person’s nonverbal behavior is inextricably linked with his mental states and serves as a means of their expression. 93% of information is transmitted through nonverbal communications. In the process of communication, nonverbal behavior acts as an object of interpretation not in itself, but as an indicator of individual psychological and socio-psychological characteristics of a person that are hidden for the immediate attention. Based on nonverbal behavior, it is revealed inner world personality, the formation of the mental content of communication and joint activity is carried out. People quickly adapt their verbal behavior to changing circumstances, but body language is less flexible.

Listening, as an art of communication, is not limited to the perception of words. Along with the words, the subtext of the message is transmitted to the listening person, which is extracted from nonverbal means of communication - gaze, facial expression, gestures, posture. In an industrial, business environment, when the listening process is complicated by emotional experiences and the nonverbal subtext of the message is naturally blurred, sometimes quite important information is lost. From this it is quite clear that when listening one should focus not on the words, but on the meaning of the message. As you can see, listening involves the listener penetrating the text of the message. But this is only one side of listening. The other side is connected with its moral and psychological aspect. From childhood we are taught to recognize ourselves as individuals. The human “I” of all people receives great and comprehensive filling. All people want to be shown a certain tact and respect. In general, they are quite sensitive to inattention. An interlocutor who tries to listen acquires moral authority and recognition in their eyes. Associated with this is the active, motivating function of listening. Indeed, in order to listen to something, the speaker must be encouraged to speak. Tell him: “What do you want?” or “What is your question?” - means setting the speaker up to an official tone, i.e. pushing him to go into psychological defense. To gather oneself, to pay attention, to sincerely prepare to listen to a person - this is what unfetters and attracts the speaking person to the listening person. Such attraction usually cools down if the listener begins to show impatience in the conversation, interrupt, suggest, “help” round out some complex phrases, etc. Before the speaker has time to take a breath, about to say, as it seems to him, something important, how the listener inserts himself into the conversation and begins to present his more “valuable” ideas. The conversation, naturally, gradually fades away, giving way to the monologue of an impatient listener. The speaker remains in some kind of charged state, and unspoken thoughts begin to weigh heavily on him. A failed heart-to-heart conversation leaves an unpleasant imprint on the interlocutor.

According to their listening style, all people can be divided into three categories:

a) attentive

b) passive

The talent of an interlocutor is distinguished not by the one who willingly speaks himself, but by the one with whom others willingly speak.

Labruyère

The practice of business interaction shows that the ability to purposefully and actively listen to others has great value for mutual understanding. The ability to listen is necessary condition correct understanding partner's position, a correct assessment of the disagreements that exist with him, the key to successful business communication.

Listening skills - This:

· perception of information from speakers, in which the listener refrains from expressing his emotions;

· an encouraging attitude towards the speaker, “pushing” him to continue the act of communication;

· a slight impact on the speaker, contributing to the development of the latter’s thoughts “one step forward.”

Listening is an active process. Special studies have shown that modern administrators spend 40% of their work time on listening every day, and the effectiveness of listening (accuracy of information perception, procedural culture, effect of understanding, etc.), as a rule, is not very high for the majority - about 25%.

The ability to listen as a method of perceiving information is used in business communication much more often than the ability to read and write combined:

listening – 40% of working time, speaking – 35%, reading – 16%, writing – 9%.

A person’s listening style depends on many factors: personality, character, interests, gender, age, status of communication participants, and the specific situation.

Difficulties in Effective Listening: turning off attention high speed mental activity, antipathy to other people's thoughts, selectivity of attention, need for a remark.

There are internal and external obstacles to listening. Internal hindrances to listening include the habit of “thinking about something else.” There is much more external interference:

· the interlocutor speaks insufficiently loudly or in a whisper ;

· distracting manner of the interlocutor, his manners;

· Interference (traffic noise, repairs, strangers looking into the office, etc.);

too high or too low temperature indoors;

· poor acoustics;

· environment or landscape;

· glancing at the clock;

· telephone calls;

· speaker's accent, monotony, too fast or too slow pace of speech;

· limited time, feeling that the regulations have been exhausted;

· excessive workload;

· bad weather;

· color of the walls in the room (red – irritating, dark gray – depressing, yellow – relaxing);

· unpleasant odors in the room;

habit of holding foreign objects in your hands;

restlessness, fussiness of the listener, as well as the habit of chewing gum, tapping with a pen, drawing).

Types of hearing

American communication researcher Kelly identifies four types of listening.

Directed, critical listening. The participant in communication first carries out a critical analysis of the message (often doing this preventively, that is, coming with an attitude towards critical perception of information), and then makes an attempt to understand it. Such listening is appropriate where decisions, projects, ideas, points of view, etc. are discussed. Same place as discussed new information, new knowledge is communicated, critical listening has little promise. The attitude of rejecting information does not allow one to listen to it; it requires focusing attention only on what confirms the undesirability of listening. As a result, everything valuable seems to pass by, there is no interest in information, a person simply wastes time and remains dissatisfied.

Empathic listening. With empathic listening, the participant in a business interaction pays more attention to “reading” feelings rather than words. Such listening is effective if the speaker evokes in the listener positive emotions, and ineffective if the speaker evokes negative emotions with his words.

Non-reflective listening. This type of listening involves minimal interference in the interlocutor’s speech with maximum concentration on it. Such a hearing is appropriate in the following situations:

· the partner is eager to express his point of view, his attitude towards something;

· the partner wants to discuss pressing issues, he experiences negative emotions;

· it is difficult for a partner to express in words what worries him;

· partner is shy, unsure of himself.

Active reflective listening. In this type of listening, feedback is established with the speaker. Feedback from the hearing process can be provided in various ways:

· questioning (direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out using a variety of questions);

· paraphrasing, or verbalization (to paraphrase means to express the same thought, but in different words. The listener paraphrases the speaker’s thought, that is, returns to him the essence of the message so that he can assess whether it was understood correctly);

· reflection of feelings (when reflecting feelings, the main attention is paid not to the content of the message, but to the feelings that the speaker expresses, the emotional component of his statements);

· summarizing (thereby the partner makes it clear to the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived).

· Do not interrupt or interrupt your interlocutor. (Allow the person to finish their thought. Silence also encourages people to continue talking. Listen to the client, and he will try to fill the silence by continuing to answer the question you asked.)

· Don't look at your watch. (If you really need to look at your watch, do it discreetly. Otherwise, the client will interpret this gesture as a lack of interest in him and as a desire to get rid of him as quickly as possible.)

· Don’t finish your interlocutor’s sentences. (By interrupting a person with the words “I already heard that,” you discourage him from any desire to continue communicating with you.)

· After asking a question, wait for an answer. (Very many people ask a question and answer it themselves, saying that this is due to a pause. But a pause is good, it means the client is thinking about your question, he shouldn’t give an answer instantly. The pause is unnerving, but If you asked a question, then wait for an answer.)

· Take an appropriate posture. (Don’t slouch in your chair, thereby telling the client: “Well, tell me, I’m listening to you.” Sit up straight, lean slightly forward. Leaning forward indicates the person’s interest.)

· Do not negotiate if you are not feeling well.

Show the other person that you are listening:

· Maintain eye contact. (Even if you listen carefully to your interlocutor, but at the same time looks anywhere, he will make the only conclusion - you are not interested and you are not listening to him.)

· Turn to face the interlocutor. (Talking with a client, turning your side or back to him, and facing the computer or anything else, is simply unsightly. When talking with a client, turn your body towards him; turning your head alone is not enough.)

· Nod. (This is very effective way Show your interlocutor that you are listening and understanding. Agreeing or understanding what our interlocutor is talking about, we nod arbitrarily. But by nodding too often, you are telling your interlocutor that your patience has run out and it’s time for him to call it a day.)

· Provide verbal feedback. (“Yes, of course, this is interesting...”, etc. - all this is a verbal reaction confirming that we are listening to our interlocutor. We all need confirmation that we are being listened to.)

· Ask clarifying questions. (If something is unclear to you or you are not sure that you understood the client correctly, do not hesitate to ask clarifying questions. You will give the impression of a person trying not to miss important points conversations. There are many clarifying questions: “Do you mean that...”, “Did I understand you correctly...”, “Please explain...”, “Do you want to say...”, etc.)

· Resist the temptation to refute information that is new to you. (People prefer to argue. If you hear something from your interlocutor that does not correspond to your beliefs or is different from your ideas, do not attack him or get defensive, defending your point of view. It is better to simply ask: “Where did you get this information?” Why do you think so?”, “What explains your position?”)

· Avoid the “And for me” syndrome. (The client can talk about anything, there is no need to try to impress him with your “even cooler” personal experience, snatching the initiative from him. You will always have time to brag about yourself, but the client, after being interrupted, may become completely silent and shut down . Do you need this?)

· Take notes for yourself. (This has the following advantages: you suppress the impulse to interrupt the speaker; you can react on paper to possible incipient anger on your part and calm down for your response in the future; already when listening, you will be able to separate the important from the unimportant; you can be sure that that you have really covered all the relevant issues in detail when it is your turn to speak; your negotiating partner sees that he is being taken seriously if you feel the need to take notes for yourself during the speech).

Questions for self-control

1. What do you think “listening” means?

2. What gives people the ability to listen?

3. What are the challenges of effective listening?

4. What mistakes do those who listen make?

5. List the “bad habits” of listening.

6. How to overcome the extremes of male and female listening styles?

7. What are the external disturbances to listening?

8. What are the features of directed, critical listening?

9. What are the specifics of empathic listening?

10. What is the peculiarity of unreflective listening?

11. Why is it needed? positive attitude in relation to an unpleasant interlocutor?

12. “Feedback.” What are its types and methods of implementation?

Task 1

The employee talks excitedly about conflict situation, which is of interest to you. How should you listen to him?

Task 2

Pay attention to the way you listen to your friends and partners. Can they listen? Do those interlocutors with whom it is pleasant to talk adhere to the principles of effective listening?

Task 3

Analyze which listening style - male or female - is closer to you, are there any habits that interfere with your interlocutor and reveal your inability to listen?

Task 4

Try small experiments with close friends. Try to make an impenetrable face during a conversation and not react in any way to the words of your interlocutor. In another conversation, try nodding hard and exaggeratingly reflecting your partner's emotions. In the third, take the same position as the interlocutor, and when he starts talking, change it sharply. Carefully monitor the state of the storytellers in all experiments. Discuss the result with them.

The last experiment allows us to come to the conclusion: imitation of a partner’s posture and gestures creates a comfortable conversation environment, helps the interlocutor open up, non-imitation has the opposite effect.

Task 5

Practice in various types hearings in different situations communication.

Task 6

Try to use as many active listening techniques as possible in your business conversation.

Have you often noticed that a conversation with your interlocutor “does not go well” or leads in the wrong direction? As a listener, have you tended to believe that good conversation is entirely based on the storyteller's ability to speak? If yes, we hasten to convince you that this is far from the case. Like the storyteller, the listener can influence the flow of the conversation, making it more pleasant and interesting, using methods and techniques of active listening.

Types of hearing

A person, being a listener and not a storyteller, can perceive information differently and also relate to it differently. He may prioritize receiving information from the narrator as his main criteria, or may be aimed at understanding his emotions and feelings. Types of hearing are presented in a basic classification; there are four of them.

The first is empathic listening. As the name implies, it is based on empathy - that is, sympathy and empathy for the interlocutor. Empathic listening aims to understand and share the other person's feelings and emotions. In this case, you will unconsciously try to follow even small changes in the narrator’s intonation and facial expressions, most likely partially missing the information he is expressing. This type of listening is usually typical for personal communication with close friends, relatives, and lovers.

The second, critical listening, is the opposite type of listening. In this case, the listener pays attention primarily to the information, as he is interested in receiving it. Using this type of listening, a person weighs information more carefully and identifies something important and necessary for himself. This type of listening is usually used when the information is extremely important for the interlocutor; these can be serious conversations with loved ones, discussions of work issues with colleagues and bosses, etc.

The third type, passive listening, is more global and is distinguished by other criteria. This type I also call listening differently – non-reflective listening. In passive listening, the person is mostly silent, not particularly interfering with the narrator's monologue. This kind of listening is usually used when the narrator is very excited about something and wants to talk it out, because often the questions and exclamations of the interlocutor may simply be inappropriate.

Fourth is active listening. Active and passive listening are diametrically opposed types, because active listening implies that the listener will show the narrator his interest in the conversation in various ways. Let's look at this type in more detail.

What is active listening? Active listening is a way of conducting a conversation in which the listener explicitly or implicitly demonstrates to the speaker his desire to listen and perceive both the information and the feelings of the speaker. Active listening can be said to include critical and empathic listening. In both cases, the listener must be oriented towards the narrator. Active listening is also called reflective listening, since a person tries to analyze the information received, rethink it in some way, and also, if empathy takes place, project the feelings of the narrator onto himself for further analysis.

The concept of active listening was introduced by the Soviet psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter, who worked in experimental and systemic family psychology. In his works, the author emphasizes the importance of using active listening in relationships within the family. In order to learn this technique, you need to understand the basic rules of active listening.

Principles of Active Listening

The most important rule A skill worth learning is making eye contact. The minimum visual contact that should be established between the interlocutors is their faces turned towards each other. A face turned in the other direction can be interpreted as a reluctance to listen to the narrator, which will most likely have a negative impact on the conversation. Making eye contact is also advisable. This does not mean that during the conversation you will have to arrange something like a staring contest. You don't have to look your interlocutor in the eyes all the time; it's enough to do it at least a few times during the conversation.

Despite the fact that active listening involves at least minimally maintaining a conversation with a variety of gestures and phrases, sometimes it is necessary to simply remain silent. Such pauses can help the storyteller collect his thoughts. Therefore, especially if you have already said something, and your interlocutor is in no hurry to answer right away, do not rush him and do not repeat yourself until he asks, otherwise you risk confusing him with his thoughts.

If you are not entirely sure what the narrator is experiencing, try asking him to find out. If you have any assumptions, you should voice them. The narrator will understand that you are interested in him and his feelings, and will try to explain them to you on his own if you were wrong.

Principles of Empathic Listening

Since empathic listening is part of active listening, it is also necessary to know the rules of empathic listening. In order to understand the interlocutor, you need to tune in to the conversation. For this to happen, try to abstract yourself from own problems for the duration of the conversation. Your own thoughts should not distract you from understanding the narrator. It is also important not to let preconceptions interfere with understanding, so any preconceptions about anything concerning the narrator should be left out of the conversation. In any case, you can think about it and draw conclusions after the conversation.

In order to show your partner that you understand his feelings, try not to distort it. Also, don’t try to explain to the narrator why he does this. Most likely, he has his own thoughts on this matter, and if he wants, he will not only share them, but also ask your opinion. This is especially true for comments in a negative way, since the interlocutor most likely will not want to continue this conversation with you.

Active Listening Techniques

Because the tools and components of active listening include a variety of principles and techniques, particular effectiveness can be achieved by following both the principles and techniques of active listening. The basic techniques of active listening come down to the following points:

clarification;
retelling (paraphrase);
repeat(echo);
pauses.

Clarification comes down to asking a person a question if something is not clear to you. Otherwise, this can also be called clarification. If you want to understand your interlocutor, you should not bypass this method of active listening, as otherwise you can easily misunderstand the narrator. People tend to fill in missing details, but this prevents them from understanding each other better.

Retelling helps the narrator hear his speech from the outside through the lips of another person. Often listeners begin this active listening method with phrases like “In your opinion” or “If I understand you correctly.” This method allows the narrator to understand how exactly you heard it, and to correct or add something.

Repeating the other person's phrases also helps build a good conversation. In this case, the listener, like an echo, repeats with a questioning intonation the endings of the narrator’s sentences. This has a similar effect to clarification.

Pauses are also tools that can have a beneficial effect on a conversation. The narrator sometimes needs to think and collect his thoughts. However, sometimes other active listening skills can be used. You can encourage the narrator to develop the idea further. You can tell your interlocutor what you think about this, trying to speak to the point and avoid insults. Or you can tell about your impressions, about what has changed in you and your perception of what is happening after this conversation, or summarize the story. However, it is important to remember that you should not interrupt the narrator.

Common errors

Listening people, even those who are sympathetic to the storyteller, are sometimes prone to making mistakes. It is important for you to know some things not to do if you want to learn active listening. A fairly common mistake is interrupting your interlocutor. This can disrupt not only the flow of the conversation, but also the desire of the narrator to continue it at all. If you have already interrupted your interlocutor, try to restore the flow of the conversation.

Do not try to draw conclusions, especially if the conversation is not over yet. In some cases, it is even better to keep these conclusions to yourself. Don't set out to disagree with the narrator's point of view. In this case, you run the risk of getting lost in your thoughts, figuring out how best to justify your point of view, without even thinking that this could lead you to complete misunderstanding, since at these moments you will stop listening to your interlocutor, and will begin to listen to yourself. It may happen that, while thinking about your own answer, you miss the meaning of the words of your interlocutor, who in fact says almost the same thing as you just thought. And try not to give advice if the interlocutor does not expect it from you.

Exercises

It may happen that you cannot achieve serious results on your own. But don't despair. Naturally, it will not be possible to resort to any medications to help in this matter. However, medicine can help you in other ways. A psychologist can help turn unreflective listening into reflective listening. Such classes can be conducted either individually, that is, the psychologist will talk only with you, or in groups. It is usually easier to achieve in groups best result, however, it also does not appear immediately. There are many exercises that are used for this purpose. If you want to learn how to use active empathic listening, they are worth a try. We will tell you about some of them.

The first exercise is easily modified and supplemented. A group of people, consisting of at least two people, sits as comfortably as possible and closes their eyes. IN original example a walk by the sea is used. For the presentation, you can use any theme that is the same for your group. The main thing is that you must pay attention to yourself, your body, feelings and emotions, and the objects around you. Afterwards, you need to take turns telling what you saw and felt. The narrator is given about 5 minutes, the rest should listen in silence, using only unreflective listening for now. You need to answer for yourself at what point in someone else’s story you got distracted and stopped listening. In the second exercise, one person listens, one person talks about any problems. The listener must understand the narrator using certain active listening techniques (some or all).

One famous parable says that man is given two ears and one mouth, which means people should talk less than listen to each other. It is important for a person to be heard, understood, and by listening more, many things and secrets are comprehended. Active listening is a method that has earned trust among psychologists due to its effectiveness and simplicity.

What is active listening?

Active or empathic listening is a technique that was introduced into psychotherapy by the American psychotherapist, creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers. Active listening is a tool that helps to hear, understand the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor, direct the conversation into depth and help the person survive and transform his state. In Russia, the methodology has been developed and supplemented different nuances thanks to child psychologist Yu. Gippenreiter.

Empathic listening in psychology

Active listening techniques in psychology help to harmoniously build a conversation, discover the field of the client’s problems and select appropriate individual therapy. In working with children this is best method, after all small child does not yet fully identify and know his feelings. During empathic listening, the psychotherapist abstracts from his problems and emotional experiences and is completely focused on the patient.

Active listening - types

Types of active listening are conventionally divided into male and female. Features of each type:

Male active listening– involves reflection and is used in business circles and business negotiations. The information received from the interlocutor is carefully analyzed from different angles, many clarifying questions are asked, since men are focused on results. Reasonable criticism is also appropriate here.
Women's active listening. Due to natural emotionality and greater experience of feelings, women are more open and have more ability to be with the interlocutor, to be involved with him in his problem. Empathy cannot be faked - it is felt by the other person and gives him the trust to open up. Women's listening uses paraphrase techniques, an emphasis on spoken feelings and emotions.

Active Listening Technique

Active listening is a technique and at the same time a process of maximum concentration on another person, when all the subtleties and nuances in a conversation are taken into account: observing the voice, intonation, facial expressions, gestures and sudden pauses. The main components of the active listening technique:

Neutrality. Avoidance of assessments, criticism, condemnation. Acceptance and respect of a person as he is.
Goodwill. A calm state and attitude towards the interlocutor, encouraging him to continue talking about himself, the problem - contribute to relaxation and trust.
Sincere interest. One of the most important tools of influence in the active listening technique helps a person to open up more fully and clarify a problematic situation.

Active Listening Techniques

Active listening techniques are multifunctional and varied. In classical psychology, there are 5 main active listening techniques:

Pause. It is important for a person to speak out to the end and pauses are necessary in a conversation. This does not mean that you have to be silent all the time: assenting (“yes”, “uh-huh”), nodding your head are signals for a person that he is being listened to.
Clarification. When unclear points are used, clarifying questions are used to avoid overthinking the situation and to better understand the interlocutor or client.
Paraphrase. A method when what is heard is retold to the speaker in in brief and allows the interlocutor to confirm that “yes, everything is so,” or to clarify and clarify important points.
Echo utterance (repeat)– “returning” phrases to the interlocutor in an unchanged form - the person understands that he is being listened to attentively (you should not overuse this method in a conversation).
Reflection of feelings. Phrases corresponding to the person’s experience are used: “You are upset...”, “You were very hurt/happy/sad at that moment.”

Rules for active listening

The principles of active listening include important components without which this technique does not work:

the interlocutor must not be interrupted;
the question asked requires an answer, it is not recommended to answer or help with the answer, the interlocutor must answer the question himself - he must pause;
visual contact throughout the conversation;
Feedback is important: support, head nod;
When living with an aggressive person, it is important to allow him to throw them out until the end until he calms down.

Active Listening Exercises

Empathic listening techniques are practiced in psychological trainings in groups. The purpose of the exercises is to learn to hear others, to identify problem areas that can be worked on. The trainer divides the groups into pairs or threes and gives exercises that can vary:

Active Listening Exercise. The trainer gives three group members different printed articles, timed 3 minutes, during which the material was read simultaneously by three participants. The task for the readers is to hear what the other two are reading; other members of the group should also hear and understand what all the articles are about.
An exercise on the ability to detect sincerity or pretense in the words of your interlocutor. The coach hands out cards with phrases written on them. The task of the participants is to take turns reading their phrase and, without thinking twice, continue the story on their own and develop the idea. The rest of the participants listen carefully and observe whether the person is sincere or not. If the statements were sincere, then others silently raise their hand that they agree; if not, the participant is asked to draw the card again and try again. Phrases on the card may contain the following content:

when they shout at me, I'm ready...
sometimes I am characterized by cowardice, recently I...
I have shortcomings...
I like myself...
people irritate me...
blank card (sincerely say about yourself what comes to mind at the moment).

The Miracles of Active Listening

Empathic listening is a technique that can work wonders. Active listening technology is easy to use and requires conscious attention at first. When using the method in a family, amazing things happen:

conflicts that last for years disappear;
sincere and deep contact is formed between parents and children;
An atmosphere of warmth and acceptance by family members of each other reigns in the house.

Active listening - books

Active and passive listening - both methods are considered effective in psychotherapy and complement each other. For beginning psychologists and anyone who wants to understand people and establish sincere friendly connections, the following books will be useful:

“Learn to listen” by M. Moskvin. In her book, the famous radio host tells stories and talks about the importance of listening to your interlocutor.
“The ability to listen. The key skill of a manager" Bernard Ferrari. The abstract states that 90% of work and family problems can be solved through active listening.
“Miracles of active listening” Yu. Gippenreiter. Learning to hear and listen to your loved ones is the key to harmonious relationships in the family.
“You can’t dictate listening. An alternative to strict management" Ed. Shane. Effective communication is impossible without following three rules: talk less, skillfully ask questions, express gratitude to the interlocutor.
“The Art of Speaking and Listening” M. Adler. The book raises communication problems. Listening – important aspect interactions between people. The book provides valuable advice and basic techniques for active listening.